The Islamabad embarrassment: A satirical analysis

Hi again!

This is Aalia Suleman back with another special interview with the leaders of the Azad-Biwi-Tehreek (ABT) and Jalao-Tehreek (JJT). Amazingly, Mehrul Jafri (MJ) of the ABT and Afreen Khan (AK) of the JJT are still camped out in this ground in Karachi with their swarm of supporters.

If these two leaders remain firm on a resignation from the In-law House, there is an equally inflexible response from the mothers and sisters-in-law who adamantly refuse to comply. This unrelenting and stubborn attitude from both sides has now also forced the Dadi Chief to intervene. Let’s see where this fiasco is leading:

Aalia: First and foremost, contrary to your prior statements and stance, the JJT and ABT are now one rally. Even your tents are side by side. What happened?

MJ: The two mandates had been to collect a greater number of women under separate banners. Once this great gathering was here, there was no need for separate mandates.

AK: The reason for this was also our psychological tactic. You see women have this extreme tendency for jealousy and animosity. We want that targeted only towards the witches’ of the In-law House, not towards each other. By joining hands, each group now views the other as a friend and will now hate the atrocious and wretched In-law House with an added resolve.

Aalia: What is this talk about animosity, hate, jealousy and insulting words like witches and wretched? If you are aiming for a new system and dissolution of harmful customs, shouldn’t you try to do this with wisdom and clarity of purpose and vision?

AK: Stop criticising us. There is no wisdom in this country so the only way to change the system is to attack it with the worst insults and slurs. This not only makes it more fun for the attendees, it also increases their vocabulary in case they have to return to the In-law House without any change.

MJ: Off the record; Afreen and I had decided that she would take over the insulting and slurring department, while I do the major emotional drama.

Aalia: I see. Is this emotional drama, the likes of which we saw with your demands, for all these daughters-in-law to wear their yellow mayoon dresses this week?

MJ: Yes indeed. That was a tremendous emotion raising move. Not only did we ask them to do this, but we also got three Suzuki’s full of new yellow dresses for women who didn’t still have their own.

Aalia: But why the yellow mayoon dresses? As a protest against the In-law House, shouldn’t they have worn their wedding dresses?

MJ: Of course not! Wedding dresses are paid for and brought by the In-laws. So wearing those would show solidarity with the In-law House! On the contrary, mayoon dresses are made by the Maika House, hence remind these women of the love, respect, self-worth, and dignity that they have lost in the name of a marriage.

Aalia: You have an amazingly negative view of the daughters-in-law here. Doesn’t it bother you to be so openly and incorrectly derogatory?

MJ: If it bothered me, do you think I would be holding such a successful rally here for over two weeks? First you make them feel as if they need the help. Then you step in to help. Get it?

Aalia: Got it. Let’s change the subject, how are all these women managing to eat?

AK: This is a self-sufficient protest. In fact, we have made a special committee of five women to prepare a report on how this could be the world’s first entirely self-sufficient protest.

Aalia: Self-sufficient?!

AK: Yes. Everything required by the protestors is right here on the grounds. A team of 20 women have taken charge to cook. The supplies are provided free by the Maika House and our other major supporters in this protest. Lavatories have been established by digging a line of deep holes on the far end of the ground. A ‘dhobi ghat’ has also been set up. We are currently in negotiations with contractors to make all these arrangements permanent. Full time entertainment is also provided…

Aalia: My God! You realise the colossal damage you are rendering to public property by ravaging it so freely?

MJ: You answered your own question; since it is public property, the public has the right to do anything it wants with it.

Aalia: Seems like you two ‘leaders’ need a serious lesson in civil respect and being a true leader for the people.

MJ: Seems like you are no longer interested in this interview...

Aalia: Okay sorry. Tell me about the entertainment you are providing.

MJ: Realising fully that the uneducated crowd of women here has a very short attention span, we have made arrangements to keep them occupied. Married women in Pakistan are in a constant state of war with their In-laws; hence have little time to get bored. They are either planning a battle or executing it.  But, here with no one to fight with, they are likely to get bored very quickly. Therefore, we have provided a full band with well-known singers who have volunteered a few hours every day to entertain them. There are also a variety of other stalls to…

Aalia: What is this? A Meena Bazaar? Or a political rally to have your demands fulfilled and the system changed?

AK: Well you do manage to hit the nail on the head, even if inadvertently. Prior to planning these rallies, Mehr and I visited the local Meena Bazaars to get ideas of what entertains women and then provided everything here. Food, music, henna stalls, bangles, dresses and…

Aalia: You have henna stalls and bangles and dresses too?! What kind of a nutty political revolution is this?

MJ: Of course it is political. But why do you keep forgetting that we are dealing with a highly uncultured, disorganised, and uneducated group of protestors here?

Aalia: For heaven’s sake, is there an end to your insults?

MJ: But this is the truth. Had they been anything else, they would never have had issues with the In-law House, a collection of the worst human vermin on earth.

Aalia: Watch your language and take back your words. I’m sure your In-laws won’t tolerate this either.

MJ: Politicians never take back their words. And please leave our In-laws out of it. We live under special contracts.

Aalia: We heard that you two had special talks with the Dadi Chief, a great grandmother of the neighbourhood held in high esteem by Maika and In-law House? Any breakthrough?

AK: Dadi Chief wasn’t here to talk about breakthroughs. She was negotiating a special deal for the paan and niswar stalls at the rally.

Aalia: What the...? And you agreed?

MJ: Our rally is getting a lot of international media coverage. We have to be careful whom we negotiate with. We might agree to the paan stalls, but niswar is a bit sensitive.

Aalia: So how long is this melodramatic farce supposed to continue? The entire country is weary.

AK: We really can’t say. The protestors are now having too much fun. They don’t want this golden picnic to end very soon either. In fact, a huge number of sisters and mothers-in-law are also joining these daughters-in-laws posing as their real mothers and sisters.

MJ: Your time is up now.

Aalia: Is it time to address the public again?

AK: Naheen bhai… it is time for the fresh naan cholay. Come on Mehr… interview hota rahay ga...