My father divorced my mother because she gave birth to me, a girl

Published: December 3, 2013

My dad was saddened so much by the birth of my sisters that he threatened to leave my mom if she gave birth to a girl again. My mother suffered silently. PHOTO: ZAFAR ASLAM/EXPRESS

A few days ago, a newborn baby girl was dumped in a garbage heap by an unidentified woman in Faisalabad. No one realised there was a baby until the heap was set on fire and the cries of the baby girl alerted the garbage collector. She was taken to hospital with more than three-fourth of her body burnt. Unfortunately, the doctors could not save her.

Female infanticide is still very common in Pakistan. It is sad to see that even in the 21st century the birth of a female is considered a stigma.

When my eldest sister Tena* was born (we are three sisters and one brother), my mom was criticised, mocked and ridiculed for giving birth to a girl. My dad started mocking my mom and soon enough, relatives, friends and neighbours followed suit.

Life for my mom started to become very difficult.

When my mom was expecting for the second time, there were hopes of restoring her lost respect if she gave birth to a boy. But Alas! A girl it was, once again.

At this point, in sheer disappointment, my dad threatened to leave my mother if she gave birth to another girl. My paternal grandmother and aunts had suddenly assumed the roles of my mother’s worst enemies. My mother, however, suffered silently. She just prayed to Allah to protect her children and give sense to those people.

Giving birth to me, however, was the toughest phase of my mother’s life.

By this time, she was sure if it was not a boy, my dad would leave her. He desperately wanted the child coming to be a boy, but to his utter disappointment, I was born.

My birth was the beginning of a dark life of taunts, threats and despair for my mother and sisters.

The gloom and sadness was evident on the faces of all my family members. My dad was furious and blamed my mother entirely for my birth; as if giving birth to a girl was a choice made by my mom. My paternal grandmother and aunts pushed for my dad to divorce my mom. All my relatives wanted my dad to leave my mother so he could bestow her with a ‘punishment’ in proportion with the ‘sin’ she had committed of giving birth to yet another girl.

He divorced my mother, married another woman and settled in Saudi Arabia.

He did not even maintain contact with us or our mother, nor did he ever offer to pay for our upbringing.

Why would he though?

He hated us and didn’t want us to begin with.

So what if we were his daughters?

We, his very own daughters, were a stain on his reputation. We had stripped him of his ‘ghairat’ (honour) and let him down, all because we were born girls. We would obviously grow up to be good-for-nothing burdens on his shoulders, mere liabilities or perhaps just bad luck. So, according to him, it was best that he left us and cut all ties. Pretending we don’t exist is probably still better than the poor baby who was left in a garbage can.

Luckily, after a couple of years of being the single parent of three daughters, my mother finally found an educated, reasonable man who was willing to marry my mom and accept her three ‘sins’.

Life didn’t seem so bad suddenly – it was as if we were given a chance to make a fresh start. Of course, the occasional taunts referring to me and my sisters still continued, but when that did happen, my step dad tolerated it but stood strong by my mom’s side. Together, my mom and him had a baby boy and my mother’s image was given a feeble boost. The ridiculing and taunts, however, continued nonetheless. My step dad was called ‘character-less’ for helping my mother bring up her three ‘sins’.

Eventually, he buckled under pressure and left my mom, and once again my mother was left to face the cruel, ruthless remarks of our society all on her own. She has lived without the support of a husband or man since then.

Two of my sisters are married and I, too, will be married soon. My step brother is a graduate now. But what pains and bewilders me is the mindset that some men (and indeed some women) have. No matter how educated they may be, they still think women are the bane of their existence.

How can they be so cruel to their own blood, their own daughters? How can they be so pathetic?

Have they forgotten that their mothers are also someone’s daughters?  We boast about living in a ‘progressive’ society but cannot learn to accept women in this world? Do they not realise that without women they would not even be alive? And yet they bury their daughters alive?

Why is the ‘ghairat’ of a male placed on the shoulders of women? How can men do this to their wives and daughters, and get away with it, with the support of society?

Why can women not be allowed to live?

Why did that baby girl have to die?

Why have no answers ever been given?

*Names have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals.

Anam Tariq

Anam Tariq

A 25-year-old computer engineering graduate from COMSATS Institute of Information and Technology, Abbottabad. She loves to read and write.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

More by this writer

  • Ovais

    This is a really sad story. I hope your mother sees happiness with your bright future.Recommend

  • Shocked

    What none of these people realise is that it is the man who ‘determines’ the conceived baby’s sex!Recommend

  • Khan

    Heart touching!Recommend

  • Zulfiqar Shahzad

    Lots of lies also paraded generally. This is the style in Pakistan. Just expose selective facts which suit you. who is to check now that there were no other reasons for giving the divorce? Zaahir hai….she will accuse him of doing something horrible. Kaun apnee ghaltee maanta hai…I bet she was misbehaving or probably engaged in something unacceptable too.Recommend

  • Sanam

    This story is clearly sad. Men are pigs, don’t we know that though? And Pakistanis can very often be shrouded in the most regressive thinking. It’s not just the men but also women encouraging ruthlessness towards other women. Don’t we know about the patriarchal mother-in-law who would tell her son to beat his wife? Stories like that…

    I just feel it is no longer the age to rely on men. Def. not in Pakistan. When parents tell their daughters not to pursue education or work and focus instead on marriage, I feel it is a grave misguidance. Women should be encouraged to study and work so they can be financially independent and not have to tolerate abuse or get support from a spineless husband.Recommend

  • Parvez

    Nicely told with good effect…….if true, I must say the lady in question was dealt a raw hand. I may be wrong but I feel this attitude is changing, possibly slowly but the change is in the right direction.Recommend

  • Javeria

    This is all true. Mainly, a man listens to his mother ans sister and they brainwash him.Recommend

  • Faisal

    Speechless…how can someone be so cruel?
    We are two brothers but my father always say, ‘wish I had only two daughters’..and now i read this story, which has left me sick to stomach…I wish such men be ‘castrated’ and then left to die!Recommend

  • Sidrah

    Your mother sounds like a very strong woman. It still shocks me that giving birth to a girl is still considered a taboo, even for the well educated and those living abroad in western countries. And they call themselves Muslim, conveniently forgetting the prophet (pbuh) had 4 daughters of his own. Recommend

  • Bilal

    Heartbreaking – absolute disgrace brought on by one man on entire humanity.Recommend

  • Javeria

    Sad…. My mother demanded a separation because she gave birth to me… She never wanted to have any child…Recommend

  • Moiz Omar

    This is so sad that stuff like this still happens, and in the 21st century! A child is a blessing, whether the child is male or female.Recommend

  • waqar

    Good writing skills. God bless you. a way to go in life for you inshallah!Recommend

  • Sitara

    And what would you say about the baby girl thrown in kachra and the girls forefully drowned to death? they or their mothers must be misbehaving or were probably engaged in something unacceptable?

    This is too cruel a piece of text!!Recommend

  • Zayyad

    “I bet she was misbehaving or probably engaged in something unacceptable”. Well,it is very ironic that in the comments section, comes a man,whose a replica of the above mentioned man….pathetic.Recommend

  • Zayyad

    It is a very good example that you gave- of the Prophet (pbuh), which our so called Muslims forget. Recommend

  • Dr. ALE AHMED

    remains unfortunate… unfortunately the culture still exists in the region even when there people claiming to be highly educated… sometimes, rather mostly it is the man of the house; i.e the female folks, mom in law, sis in law, etc; that r the decision makers and that decision is imposed through the instrument “the husband”Recommend

  • ptr

    what about brainwashing done by man’s sister & mother…….Recommend

  • Naveed Razzaq

    I had tears in my eyes on this ruthless act and mindset. It’s a societal dilemma. People need to be educated. @sanam…”men are pigs.” shall I tell you something? but leave it! personal experiences cannot be generalized!Recommend

  • AP

    Interesting to note that the author states ‘ her paternal grandmother and her aunts pushed her dad for divorce”. So how is it that only the dad(man) gets blamed and not the aunts and grandmother (women)…?? are they not wives too?
    Is the social malaise only due to men or also women?
    In my opinion, the dominant nature of women becomes the dominant nature of society. So women have to figure out how to solve this problem…the kind of men they want in society.
    from my own experience, i can safely say that its been a long long time, since i have personally met a woman who has brought character to the table..most want comfort and security and will use their beauty/gender to get ahead at any moral cost..
    Playing victim and blaming others for your problem is only going to make one feel better, the situation will not change..so women need to start thinking, getting organized to improve thier lot..
    A note of hope from the past…In pakistan where hinduism was born, kings would line up and the princess would choose one she likes to spend her life..such was the standing of women in society. Women of today need to look at the past to carve thier future..Recommend

  • Nobody

    This made me sick to my stomach. Intense. This is what becomes of a society that keeps its women (and men) uneducated and ignorant, whether willful or not.Recommend

  • Sadaf

    How sad . I hope the writer finds one of the many good Pakistani men who are not like this . My own grandmother had 9 yes 9 girls before she had a boy and used to blame my grandfather becuase he never complained . He would always pick up his new baby girl and thank Allah saying this one was even more beautiful than the the one before .This Man was obviously not worthy of you or your mother that is why Allah sent him away .Recommend

  • Komal S

    The point is would your grandfather/mother have tried to have more kids if the first few were boys or keep having kids if the first 9 were boys until they have a girl. Fundamental issue is the basic bias towards having a baby boy.Recommend

  • Necromancer

    Wth how are men blamed for all this read the blog clearly people it says ” My paternal grandmother and aunts had suddenly assumed the roles of my mother’s worst enemies” The only people to be blamed in this are women themselves, why don’t women in the house stop this if men are wrong they support him in this act. I will ask all mothers to please start giving positive thoughts to their daughters so they can become more loving and caring..Recommend

  • Sadaf

    Yes ,I know but the wish for a boy in those times perhaps might be excusable however what is UNFORGiVABLE is the mistreatment of females be they wife or daughters. My point is that although for centuries people have wanted boys for supposed socio economic reasons ..there have always been Men who have loved and valued their wives and daughters tooRecommend

  • Sadaf

    this is ridiculous ..you mean it is the womans’s fault for choosing this man ?Recommend

  • knightridrr

    Your argument makes it sound like that it’s women fault. How stupid and irrational is that! Her father being the ignorant was the only fault in this case. Her father should have stood up with/for her mother instead he let everyone else mentally torture her mother.Recommend

  • Iftikhar Ali

    Dear Anam , I am sorry the way the life treating you.
    But remember one thing, the biggest enemy of a woman is a woman
    not a man.
    If you closely analyze your situation you will eventually get this point

    God Bless You.Recommend

  • Abbas baloch

    your words touched me that’s why I thought to write about it. you have said beautiful the bad aspect of our society. Now sciences has proved it that it is male’s contribution which determines the gender of upcoming baby., But i don’t know when people will starting thinking about it. and secondly, Not every male think or act in the same way as your father did. there are overwhelming people which still love and respect the birth of their baby girls. Education will change this bad attitude with positive oneRecommend

  • gp65

    True. But does it even matter?if people welcomed the child regardless of gender then there would be no blame to allocate only joy to share.

    Apart from the terrible human tragedy that this son preference (common in South Asia) results in, there is also a major adverse fall out at the national level in terms of population increase as people keep having kids until son is born.

    @Author – kudos to your mother to have raised all of you singlehandedly.Recommend

  • Singh

    Fact of life: Girl care more to their parent than boys do. Million of example when you look around. Mostly walk away after marriage. I wish for one daughter but don’t have so now every girl look princess to me.
    If there is any god then it must be female because only female can create some thing beautiful.
    It is the reason that mother call as Janani. Who create/birth.Recommend

  • gp65

    I could agree with you upto the point where you said that it is the social ethos and not just the man to blame when it clearly states that his mom and sister also padded him.

    But then you go on to say hat the mother should teach the daughter to be more loving and caring? How did you come up with that? Nowhere does it say that the woman was unloving and uncaring. If you had said it is upto the woman to raise her son differently so he does not behave in such a manner, I could understand.Recommend

  • gp65

    A woman has a right not to have kids if that is what she chooses. However given the normal expectation that marriage will lead to kids, it is something that should be discussed before the man takes a decision to marry. After all, he too is entitled to make an informed decision. Of course I do not know what your situation was but it can never feel good to know that one of your parents did not want you to be born.Recommend

  • kdp

    Well, educated and therefore people with means find out the sex of the fetus during early pregnancy and abort the Girl fetus and uneducated people who do not have means or know how to abort safely abandon girl child after birth. I believe poor people accept birth of girls more than “Educated” peopleRecommend

  • Arsh

    My father was not happy at the birth of my second sister however now that we have grown up, he has expectations from my sister and I and not from our brother!Recommend

  • Rabblerouser666

    Speechless at the ignorance, misogyny and cruelty.Recommend

  • Pappu

    Prophet Muhammad only son died after birth, Muhammad Ali jinnah didn’t have a son, President Obama do not have a son, Bill Clinton do not have a son and many more.Recommend

  • Pappu

    But why God did not save the baby girl thrown in the garbage bin from burning?Recommend

  • Isadora Gaudencio

    Wow… I’m from Brazil and I’m 1 out of 5 girls and one boy. My birth was cherished with parties for a whole week as any other child here would. Boy or girl, it’s a new life and a new joy. I am so sorry to hear that in Pakistan they still have such a close mind and heart. I hope things get better with time and someday a man can appreciate having a daughter just as much as a son. I send all my support and good energies to you!!!Recommend

  • gp65

    Hopefully your sister and you will raise your sons differently so that they treat their wives and. Daughters with love and respect and do not differentiate between son and daughter.Recommend

  • Nandita.

    I think he is trying to say that women (mother and sister in law ) should be loving and caring towards the daughter in law they bring home and that women should teach their daughters to be kind towards other women. He has also mentioned that if the men in the household are going wrong somewhere the women should try to put an end to it.for eg if the husband mistreats his wife for bearing daughters , the mother in law should reprimand him and support her DIL. Women, often, are each others biggest enemies and I guess hw’s questioning that…

    Recommend

  • Ayesha Pervez

    A lot of men are great too … like my husband Syed Irfan Hasan. He spoils our daughter like crazy.Recommend

  • Rehan Fatani

    Our Beloved Prophet S.A.W also had 4 daughters.
    how one muslim can do this , was he doesn’t remember the daughters of Hazrat Muhammad S.A.W.
    dont we remember that how much our beloved Prophet S.A.W loves with his daughters?

    please For Sake of Allah and prophet , stop all this nonsense and act of cruelty.

    who gave birth to child? she is also a girl.
    so If there is no girls how children are born? how your so called future’s supporting “Boys” will born?

    Being a Boy i am very much ashamed on this act of a men. please stop all this.Recommend

  • TTariq

    Alhamdulilah your mother is a blessing for you and a very strong female. Raising four kids all alone against all odds and in this society is a remarkable achievement. I can understand the troubles of living in a broken family and I am aware how hard it is. One has to be very very patient. Every one cannot tolerate this kind of behavior especially from their relatives.
    May Allah Bless your family, May you succeed in every test and make your mum proud.
    Because of our environment and its “advanced knowledge” people like your mother suffer.No one can change their perception until and unless they want to change it. Root cause of every problem is education and knowledge. Sadly we can write or discuss our problems and solutions but no one can reduce your mothers or any womens pain who has faced/is facing these situationsRecommend

  • MrRollsRoyce

    As a man I find the patriarchal and misogynist attitude prelevant in our society utterly disgusting. Kudos to your mother for being steadfast.

    I have an infant daughter myself and she is the most precious thing in the world to me, more dear than my own life. At this level of being a father I find it hard to comprehend how a father could have such hatred for his own progeny, but then at the level of anthropological science I am too well aware of the religiously imposed misogyny in Pakistan and elsewhere.Recommend

  • AP

    I wont resort to name calling but the author herself states that other women in th family did favor divorce. So of course they are responsible too…are you mentally blind?Recommend

  • x

    And numerous hadith endorse daughters. Daughters are called barkat (blessing) in Islam while sons are naimat (gift). It is said in the Quran that “whoever has daughters and brings them up properly, EDUCATES them and marries them to good men deserves a special place in Jannat’. Another says, if someone’s first child is a daughter, that person has been blessed by Allah. Another says that “whoever does not differentiate between the male and female child in their upbringing, education, care and love will be rewarded by Allah”. In Hinduism, daughters are called Lakshmi (prosperity, blessing). Numerous goddesses have exalted roles and people pray to them. We blame religion for a lot of ills in society not realizing that these are created by men, no religion is unjust. It is the culture which men -and sometimes women- create and exploit for their own gains.Recommend

  • x

    My sister got married to a highly educated man, they were quite religious, good people as well as being educated and the family had members in influential posts in the country. Yet my sister was divorced- largely due to the mother in law- when she had her FIRST child, a baby girl. These so called respected people in society who profess to be so religious and good never bother to visit the child. This is how much our country is progressing. Religion which teaches to treat daughters and wives so well, education which makes you progressive and open minded, money which makes you not regard daughters as burden, sisters which should make you more compassionate, all to no use.Recommend

  • x

    I also disagree with you on the minor point that even if the wife has some problem or is supposedly a ‘bad’ woman, there is no excuse for abandoning the children, especially daughters who due to our society need greater care and protection from their fathers. Even if you divorce a wife for whatever, the children are YOUR responsibility. You must NEVER abandon a child. It is criminal, inhumane and unforgivable.
    And numerous hadith endorse daughters. Daughters are called barkat (blessing) in Islam while sons are naimat (gift). It is said in the Quran that “whoever has daughters and brings them up properly, EDUCATES them and marries them to good men deserves a special place in Jannat’. Another says, if someone’s first child is a daughter, that person has been blessed by Allah. Another says that “whoever does not differentiate between the male and female child in their upbringing, education, care and love will be rewarded by Allah”. In Hinduism, daughters are called Lakshmi (prosperity, blessing). Numerous goddesses have exalted roles and people pray to them. We blame religion for a lot of ills in society not realizing that these are created by men, no religion is unjust. It is the culture which men -and mostly backed by women such as wives and daughters- create and exploit for their own gains.Recommend

  • Disbelief

    I just can’t believe that your step dad also left your mother for the same reason?!! I have never ever seen such cruelty or maybe there is a twist that hasn’t been mentioned in the blog. Whatever it is…this is plain insane!! I just can’t get to terms with accepting this as the truth. I think this stupidity is eating the social fabric of our society. My first born is my daughter and she is the star in my house, I just can’t imagine what kind of man would act like this at the birth of his daughters!!Recommend

  • Sal

    Ignorance of most readers is remarkable, products of a class of people who have newly acquired some prosperity and are desperately attempting to be seen as modern, they have gladly handed over their precious religion to the “Jahil” Mullah and display their ignorance with comments like we live in the 21st century and “it’s the man who determines the sex of the child. One can only pity superstitious people like these because the Glorious Quran provide ample guidance about the gift of children in
    Surah -42: Ash-Shura (Consultation)

    Verse 49: God’s alone is the dominion over the heavens and the earth. He creates whatever He wills: He bestows the gift of female offspring on whomever He wills, and the gift of male offspring on whomever He wills;

    Verse-50: He gives both male and female [to whomever He wills], and causes to be barren whomever He wills: for, verily, He is all-knowing, infinite in His power.

    (The purport of this passage is a re-affirmation of the fact that whatever happens to man is an outcome of God’s unfathomable will: a fact which is illustrated in the sequence by the most common, recurrent Phenomenon in man’s life – the unpredictability of male or female births, as well as of barrenness: and so, too, God’s bestowal of worldly happiness and unhappiness cannot be measured or predicted in terms of what man may regard as his “due”.

    In conclusion, people are ignorant who divorce their wives for giving them female child.Recommend

  • Necromancer

    Thier own gender is biased towards themselves.
    I
    The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I was shown Hell and I have never seen anything more terrifying than it. And I saw that the majority of its people are women.”

    They asked, “Why, O Messenger of Allaah?”

    He (saw) said, “Because of their ingratitude (kufr).”

    It was said, “Are they ungrateful to Allaah?”

    He (saw) said, “They are ungrateful to their companions (husbands) and ungrateful for good treatment. If you are kind to one of them for a lifetime then she sees one (undesirable) thing in you, she will say, ‘I have never had anything good from you.’”

    [Bukhaaree (#1052), via ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Abbaas]

    Now you understand my point I have no grudge against women but they are themselves to be blamed for their fate. In developed countries women have evolved from these taboos like son and shit so they are on path of development but in third world countries women are still following old traditions and apparently the result is written in the blogRecommend

  • VGupta

    Women have little power and are carrying on the tradition that they were taught and see all around them. Few have education or other means to think outside the centuries old tradition, never mind defying it. So, please don’t blame women.Recommend

  • Anooop

    How did he divorce your mother? In India it takes months to get a divorce and is almost all the cases it is made sure the Mother and the kids are taken well care off.

    One of my Cousins got divorced and she is getting alimony, for her and her kids.

    If the legal system cannot guarantee a separation favouring the kids and ensures that the husband does his duty and gives money to take care of them, what is the whole point of having a legal system?

    In the Shah Bano case too in India, there was injustice, but the Govt had to give in to the hardline Islamists and did India, Indian Muslim women and the whole humanity a great disservice.

    As long as a legal system doesn’t evolve to adopt modern practices and goes by centuries old practices, which punishes the Woman, the kids and allows the Man to marry more than once, the society cannot be said to be even moving towards modernity.Recommend

  • Anooop

    Partly true. But, you gotta admit the Sharia has a lot to do with it.

    If this had happened to a non-Muslim lady in India, divorce would not be granted that easily and the Courts would have made sure the man gave alimony and took care of his kids. No society allows Polygamy. No society, other than one kind, gives the power of divorce solely to the Man.Recommend

  • Sane

    To get this kind of ‘male menace’ settled, there must be a law and such ‘males’ must be prosecuted who ‘make to give birth of daughters’ instead the mother. Medically speaking this is father’s ‘fault’ not the mother, if this is termed fault or sin in our society. Even so-called educated ones discriminate between sons and daughters. This mindset is very justifiably be termed as extreme ‘Jahalat’.Recommend

  • gp65

    Unfortunately the point about female foeticide is not without merit. The solution is not education. The solution is a change in mindset in terms of son preference. Who can bring the change? The government can facilitate for sure but one cannot wait. It can begin now if each woman who has herself gone through stress about gender of her child – even if the child eventually was a boy – teaches her son better values.Recommend

  • gp65

    When’d did I say that abandonment was justified? There must be a miscommunication.Recommend

  • knightridrr

    You think one wrong can justify another wrong then? Your comment in another typical response to any complicated situation by men. Look into yourself before pointing at others.Recommend

  • Kublai

    You have written a very harrowing article. Very touching. Showing the

    ugly and very heinous face of an aspect of the Indo-Pak culture.
    Look how well it turned out for you. I am sure there was a lot of baggage
    carried by you and yours. However, you did not let it defeat you. You

    tackled it head on and came out a winner. Make no mistake about that.
    You are an above average person. And everything you wrote, is true, in
    triplicate.Recommend

  • Kublai

    Let us go further back,..Julius Caesar did not have a son.Recommend

  • Ahmad

    I am not at all surprised. Only two things in our country are ever increasing……illiteracy & population!!!!Recommend

  • S

    This is truly sad. I admire your courage sister. We have to work towards a better society. And what’s even more shocking is that these people do not realise they will be answerable for refusing rehmat. May Allah guide us on the right pathRecommend

  • Ahmad

    Agreed. Educated are more Jahil….Recommend

  • Ahmed

    I am proud of being a father of my baby girl and believe me there is nothing like having a daughter. Daughters are a blessing from Allah.Recommend

  • Muhammad Bilal

    Because he saved her from cruel world.Recommend

  • Muhammad Bilal

    In other countries like India,china also happening these things. Also i can say Woman is enemy of woman in most of these cases.Recommend

  • Muhammad Bilal

    Go out of home & see the world.Recommend

  • Pappu

    Burning a child and killing means ” saving” to you?? If this is ” saving from cruel world” why people are mourning for her?Recommend

  • What?????

    yeah right men are pigs. Thats why most of the time such pressures come from mother of the husband or his sister…grow up…!!!!Recommend

  • Faiz

    This is because of not applying and observing Islamic values and Culture.. Because Islam says “Dulat Aurat kay naseeb say and Aulad Mard kay” … If any one who follows islam he knows that this all depends on fate…Recommend

  • Satti

    you are the one who is ignorant I would say. Yes its definately fault of the father as he is directly responsible for his kids..But please its not the fault of “MAN”….
    If her mother and sister would have supported him situation would have been better…so its a fault of “MAN” and “Woman” both……dont just blam male for such horific decisions…!!!Recommend

  • Mahrukh

    Anam, your story is sad. And you’ve had terrible experiences with men. But i hope and pray that God blesses you with lots of happiness and contentment in this life. And give you a husband who adores and respects you for who you are and not for what gender you give birth to. Amen!Recommend

  • Haider

    I have a daughter. And holding her for the very first time ia still my most memorable moment. Recommend

  • Muhammad Bilal

    Ok for her if she saved.
    Can you tell what word is used for such children whose father name is not known in our society. Can any one bare this?
    And girl with out parents is it easy to live in this society?Recommend

  • ptr

    Anoop, a women cannot divorce but she can file a request for divorce known as “Khula” in family courts.Recommend

  • ptr

    Secondly, things are even worse in India if whatever shown in “Satmaywajayte” by Amir Khan is true.Recommend

  • ptr

    In our culture, boys are expected to support there parents when they are retired. Girls usually get married and leave the home of there parents to live with husbands family. So yes they have to try for a baby boy. It doesn’t mean that they hate there daughters. My grandfather also has 9 daughters and 2 sons. He don’t make a single decision without there consent. So it is not about hating daughters, it is about having some one to look after and support them.Recommend

  • ptr

    The major fear in the mind of a couple with daughters only, is the feeling that there will be no one to care and support them when they get old. It is our culture which is responsible for this feeling of insecurity, even these people love there daughters more than anything but still keep trying for son.Recommend

  • Pappu

    Wow what a logic. So you believe that this was the last and only option left with the all powerful Almighty? Dont you believe He himself created this ( so called unfathered) child at the first place?Recommend

  • raj

    who says son will care and support them when they are old. its the daughter who cares for parents more than sonRecommend

  • Pensive

    Wouldn’t it be much easier for these men to ‘rid themselves of this disrespect in society for having daughters’ by not killing their daughters, but by cutting off the one part of their body that led them to have a girl in the first place? After all, if they are let alone to keep trying and they keep failing, shouldn’t they be kicked out of the program like you are if you keep failing in your school?Recommend

  • raj

    there is much more than a religion here and that is humanity. Religion is man-madeRecommend

  • raj

    illiteracy is actually decreasing but we can say parhy likhy jahil are increasingRecommend

  • raj

    Point one: Society and above all religion is a man-made and man-dominated and therefore, according to islam, it is very easy for a man to say talaaq three times and done. Point two: Even though the legal system is in place in pakistan, people do not know it and even if they know, they would either be threatened by man or they do not go to court because that would ruin their izzat unfortunatelyRecommend

  • x

    Apologies, misinterpreted it. Having witnessed such an incident in my own family recently, tend to get a bit over sensitive.Recommend

  • x

    I agree, it’s sad that the centuries old traditions of men being all powerful and women dependent on winning their good favor to enjoy their trappings of power and status tend to work against each other, scheme and connive to win the men’s favor and put other women out of the men’s favor. With their world revolving around the men in their lives and men being their only source of security, power and status, they view all other women as their competitors and work to eliminate them. Sad tha such power politics and men centered activities prevail even today.Recommend

  • raj

    so what you are trying to say is men are idiots because they can get into what women say (in this case mother and sister) and beat his wife. Come on. Listen to yourself before you say. My dad knew how to differentiate between good and bad and therefore there were instances in the family when my grand mother and aunts tried to provoke him against my mother but my dad is a wise man. clear up your definitionRecommend

  • raj

    so again you are saying men are idiots on not choosing something wiselyRecommend

  • knightridrr

    Mr. Sutta, I didn’t say its MAN’s fault. Did I? When there is a clear victim in this case(s) and so why people are going into technicalities and putting the blame on women? You think her grandmother or her aunts divorced her mother? No they didn’t, her father did.

    You yourself said that father is DIRECTLY responsible for his kids. He didn’t take stand for her daughter so that’s it for me.

    Recommend

  • knightridrr

    “The only people to be blamed in this are women themselves…” you saying as if the father who abandoned his kids was a kid and didn’t know what he was doing was right or wrong.Recommend

  • knightridrr

    The instrument “the husband” if can be tamed this easily by women in the house, then he doesn’t deserve to be called a “MAN”.Recommend

  • knightridrr

    To all the men:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tlb4Pu23kqw

    Slightly different message but still very much relevant to this blog.Recommend

  • Pappu

    So you believe that the God has the only option to kill the innocent child ( whom He Himself created few hours ago) due to the FEAR of some bad people out there??Recommend

  • Parvez

    I have no statistics to defend my view that cases such as your sisters and the one the author has written about are on the slow decline. All I can say is that just like you, I can quote stories, from my personal close associates who have daughters and their families simply rejoice in the fact that they have girls….. and one of the families is as you describe ‘ religious ‘ but they just adore the girls in the house. So this caused me to say that I thought attitudes may be slowly changing. I may be wrong but I hope I’m right.
    Lets not get into religion, education and money because I agree with all what you have said on this.Recommend

  • x

    Sorry for the misunderstanding, having witnessed a similar situation recently, a bit defensive. Apologies.Recommend

  • gp65

    I understand and am not offended at all. I notice that you are a spunky lady and I am sure that probably is testimony to very supportive parents. Hopefully with your family’s support your sister will come out of this challenge stronger and become financially independent sooner rather than later.

    Some people have wonderful marriages and that’s great. But being happily single can beat being part of a bad marriage hands down. So your sister is probably better off now that the douchebag is out of her life – though if the divorce was fairly recent, it may be difficult to feel that. My prayers for a successful new beginning for your sister and her daughter.Recommend

  • A Peshawary

    There are lost of comments and arguments; Yet nobody can answer your question as the agony your mother and you passed nobody can even imagine. But; One can only salute your mother for raising a daughter like you against all odds.Recommend

  • Nobody

    Although your point regarding female infanticide stands, I would like to know, statistically speaking, if less educated classes are more “accepting” (accepting or stuck with?) of baby girls or not. I imagine conducting a proper study to bring about accurate results would be far too difficult. Either way, this mentality is harmful for any society, whether the criminals are rich or poor, educated or illiterate.Recommend

  • Nobody

    Changing the mindset is a must and while it is most definitely present in even educated classes, educated women are not constrained by their own ignorance nor do they lack the ability to push back against a man who wrongfully favors a son over a daughter (particularly to the extreme of harming a baby girl). They don’t lack options and have more freedom to fight the mentality. BUT, the so called educated women who wish for a son over a daughter DESPITE having a husband who has no such wish (unfortunately they exist as well) render me speechless.Recommend