10 reasons why you should NOT marry a Pakistani man

Published: December 7, 2013

To marry this highly eligible bachelor you must impress him. No, not with your good looks, charm or personality, this pauper... erm... prince will give you a long list of wants!

1. ‘Ammi jaan’ – the famous monster-in… I mean mother-in-law. She is the idolised queen of the domestic domain, ‘lovingly’ referred to as Ammi jaan.  Her precise duties can vary from lovingly criticising you in front of your husband, taunting you with scathing remarks while your husband is not around and haunting you in the middle of the night, even in the privacy of your own bedroom!

She will not forgive you for the smallest of mistakes and enjoys watching you squirm in your chair, embarrassed. She will not allow you to change anything in the house, even though the ‘you’re just like my daughter’ line has been thrown at you; not even the brand of tea that she uses, so don’t try it! The reason will probably be as simple as, ‘well that has been the tea brand in the house for years’!

When you marry him, you will bid farewell to the thought of drinking your favourite tea forever because when she dies, your husband will tell you that the tea brand she brought reminds him of her and so will be the only one brought into the house despite her not being there anymore!

As a mother-in-law in Pakistan, she also holds the divine right of telling you exactly what she thinks of your relationship with your husband (her son first) and will offer all kinds of unsolicited advice, whether you want it or not. It is just part and parcel of the legacy of being a Pakistani mother-in-law.

Remember: your misery is her delight; your win is her war!

2. You must compromise on everything. Your husband will not, but you must. Of course, you must never let him feel like you are unhappy because then he will get hurt and being blinded by the pain of the ‘unfair pressure’ you put on him, will be left with no choice but to divorce you – possibly via a text saying,

“I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you.”

And tadaa, you’re divorced.

3. To marry this highly eligible bachelor you must impress him. No, not with your good looks, charm or personality, this pauper… erm… prince will give you a long list of wants! This will be the dowry you bring with you. Your in-laws will want air-conditioners, refrigerators, kitchen utensils, cars, motorbikes and possibly even your nightie. Apparently they never had any of those things before his highness met you. But don’t take this lightly at all, there can, and have been, huge fights over dowry; sometimes, in a rage of greed they burn you or even kill you for not bringing that last toothpick left in your house!

4. You will have to live with over a dozen other people in a small, cramped house. Your husband will never leave his beloved ‘mummy’ to live with you in a separate house.

Momma’s boy, you say? That’s an understatement.

Not only do you live with his parents, you share space with his three other brothers and their families. Everyone wants to know whats the latest with your relationship, and you will have to tell everyone what, why, when and how because, after all, they are family and you must not hide anything from them. Besides that, they are in your face all the time anyway, so if you don’t tell them, they will find out!

What did you just say? Privacy? I am sorry, I do not believe he has ever heard of it or knows the meaning of that word.

5. You say you want to go meet that friend from college? Sure thing! He’s a boy? Don’t you dare step out that door! You, dear ladies, will be his property and he will not ‘allow’ you to hang out with male friends (only immodest girls do that). Do not pester him into letting you go for a movie with your friends because this may result in him calling you all sorts of names, from dogs and cats to mothers and fathers – or, he will go crying to his mother, who will sympathise with all her heart and this little tête-à-tête will result in him texting you,

“Do you want a divorce? Do you want a divorce? Do you want a divorce?”

6. You will not have a say in family planning; your body is his asset now. He will decide everything; starting from when you will have babies to how many you will have. If he could, he would program you into delivering his choice of gender too.

It really is very sweet that you thought that the little bundle of joy is your baby too, but don’t worry, it will be your baby when it comes to bathing, cooking, cleaning, teaching and putting it to sleep; at all other times, the father is the ‘big daddy’.

Oh, you thought it was a collective effort and he would help you raise the child too? Please, he’s doing enough favours paying for the child’s education and well-being! Don’t expect him to wake up in the middle of the night and change diapers — that is a lowly job meant only for wives to do.

7. You will be expected to act in a proper and dignified manner at all times. You must kill the child inside you and remember you cannot be seen roaming about the house in your pyjamas or just relaxing, even if the house is empty; it is disrespectful to the ghosts living in the house. Obviously, if it offends ghosts it would offend his family and that would be a grave sin.

You don’t understand? Oh you’ve always been like this and he knew you before he married you? Well tough luck sister, that was then and this is now. Stop being yourself, it was cute then, he can’t stand it now.

8. You will not have a share in your husband’s property while his parents are alive. You will have to wait until they expire; with your luck, they might just outlive you.

9. You must do all the household chores yourself; do not expect any help from your husband. Helping you will hurt his masculinity and ego. It is your absolute duty to make sure the house is well looked after and that his mother does not have to move an inch! Please do not be under the false impression that you got married to become his wife, you are just his mother’s assistant.

10. You must not do anything to offend him. Do not ever suspect him of extramarital affairs; do not let him know that he has bad breath and that he snores. He will threaten you with divorce every time you dare to speak out.

Still if you really, really have to marry a Pakistani man, then it would be best to think of yourself as his puppet. Let him do whatever he wants, do not speak without his permission, do not react without his permission, in fact, do not breathe without his permission – and you will be fine. I think.

Syed.Zain.Raza

Syed Zain Raza

A financial analyst by profession, who is passionate about his coffee and loves traveling and reading, Zain is a self proclaimed globe trotter who is posted by his company in China these days.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Arooj Ahmed

    It’s astonishing to see such thoughts coming from a guy.

    I’m sure every mother-in-law won’t be a “horrifying thing”.
    Besides, men from other countries and other cultures would also have shortcomings.Recommend

  • Supriya Arcot

    Cant believe this article is written by a man . Why Jaan , why are you so anti-men ?Recommend

  • Pakistani Girl

    Im a pakistani girl and i don’t agree with you at all.
    Pakistan is a big country with people following different traditions. For example, i didnt give a single thing for dowry to my pakistani husband instead he paid me mehr, so did others in my family. Also, my husband pays for my kids and also helps me with them.
    You watch too much drama serials too come with assumptions like that!!
    And pls who are the PERFECT MEN that one should marry??Recommend

  • RMH

    So true! 99% of Pakistani men are like that…It’s the girl’s job to find a guy from the remaining 1%…I did…So can you :)Recommend

  • AaA

    I am a Pakistani woman and non of it applies to me.

    Not every one thinks like the author of this blog post.Recommend

  • Nabil Huda

    Stereotyping … Stereotyping in the WHOLE article …. YES the cases u mentioned above happens (sadly) …. But on random not with Everyone …. & Neither All of them at once ….

    and thn their are way stronger arguments in favour of some of the action …. Like is it a Bad thing if the Son Wants to Live together with his parents (and it is always not THAT populated as the Financial Analyst cum Pseudo-pshchologist have portrayed) ….. thr is a reason u r not in People mangment .. stick to numbers brother …

    Everyone now is a blogger …. coz it kinda IN .. #burger Much -_-Recommend

  • Hasnain

    I think this guy’s family forget to teach him whether or not he is a PakistaniRecommend

  • farah sadiq

    totally crap.. i want to ask that what is specialty of any others country men? or their family system?? Please first think what your article portray an image of country then write it, i am amazed by the editor too that why he/she allowed to publish this piece of article.Recommend

  • Abubakar

    I guess he married a lady who convinced him that his mother was a monster.Recommend

  • Waqar Qureshi

    A quick comparison of East and West
    1. West has everything except a sound family system
    2. East has nothing except a sound family system
    If west could get our family system, they would make the most ideal society of this world or vice-versa

    P.S: I am really glad to see that females themselves are rejecting this utter non-sense
    P.P.S: I am wondering if mother of this author had thought the same, which nationality would he be from?Recommend

  • Hassan

    Wow such a sad article, don’t know where to begin. Another feeble attempt by a newbie writer to make some impression (read: get attention) by provoking a discussion based full on stereotypes and unfounded prejudices. Maybe this is how marriages work in your family and that is the norm of mindset in your household Syed Zain Raza but rest assured there are thousands and thousands of women happily married to Pakistani men with more progressive views and accepting families. Of course you couldn’t have pulled all this out of thin air (in case of which if you did, then it marks your intention of getting attention on social media by writing gibberish) so the very highly explanation is you’ve observed these non-functional trends in your highly dysfunctional family.Recommend

  • فاطمہ

    okay, so this article is written by a guy! HAHA

    it’s a good read though! :)Recommend

  • Naveed Razzaq

    Nicely written! On a lighter note, what choice Pakistani girls will have then?Recommend

  • Naveed Razzaq

    Yes, Pakistani men have their peculiar pros and cons…and the situation is not that much deplorable in fact! Men abroad are not super heroes even!Recommend

  • Zafar Zulqurnain Sahi

    I am sorry for whoever in your circle went through an experience bad enough to trigger this exaggerated and childish take on our society. This may be the case in more than a few households but dude to generalize it to an entire society is just absurd. I find it very annoying when young kids like you fashionably demean your own country and society for God knows what gains. Its disappointing to say the least. What you exaggerated into this obnoxious piece is an ill in our society just like any other society. The title should have been ’10 reasons why not to marry into an obnoxious family’, wouldn’t have fetched you much appreciation in the fashionable critics of Pakistan but given you some credibility.Recommend

  • Truth Seeker

    Most of comments i have read are women disagreeing with the blogger and rightly so.. Didnt expect people at tribune to publish such a blog!
    I guess people here are suffering with an overdose of STAR PLUSRecommend

  • ranbir johar

    Nothing wrong with the article even the same is coming from a man, since it is true for both India and Pakistan. The only difference is that an Indian cannot divorce his wife without filing case in the court.Recommend

  • Munawar

    i think this guy never went through a proper family upbringing with moral and religious values. No i think he never did go though religion or moral values …Recommend

  • Usman

    This is kinda personal but ammm…your mother shouldn’t have married your father. Right?Recommend

  • Saba Fatima Ali

    Lol then who should we marry! Never knew a delegation of goras is coming for the purpose :pRecommend

  • rafia noor

    zain i still dont believe you are a man. or may be you are hypocrite, ideal before the world and worst in private life of females . such type of men is really a hell on earthRecommend

  • MK

    So i go down reading this thinking a housewife isn’t having a nice marriage, feeling sympathetic towards her wondering about the plight of so many women who have to face it everyday and then whoah !

    “Syed Zain Raza-A financial analyst by profession, who is passionate about his coffee and loves traveling and reading, Zain is a self proclaimed globe trotter who is posted by his company in China these days.”

    LOLRecommend

  • Erum

    Sadly some of the things mentioned here are true. But these don’t happen to everyone ans specially with the above mentiones intensity. Obviously a girl’s life is tough, but You need to wait patiently.Recommend

  • Faraz

    Okay you will remain single after this article !!Recommend

  • Nauman Ul Haq

    Generalize much?Recommend

  • raj

    Worst article in recent times in ET. Pathetic thoughts.. even pathetic title. If it was written in a funny manner, even then a lot of crap in thereRecommend

  • raj

    How do you know 99% are like that. Do not generalise on these subjects. I guess you found that 1% :) Good for you but if you have then come out of that shell and see the world is not that badRecommend

  • jkhj

    i guess your mum is also a Pakistani. Isn’t it??Recommend

  • SamarYz

    Pakistanis need to wake u and see that their marriage system does NOT work very well. Find a man who does NOT live with his parents…A tiny apartment to yourself would be better than a palace you share with the in-laws.Recommend

  • Talha

    I have never read such a junk post ever on tribune before. Apart from the 5th point which is also very terribly described, all the other 9 points are just horrible. These 9 facts can only be found in families which dont respect the Islamic and Ethical values.. And fortunately there are a few of them left nowadays. Stop stereotyping! I have seen over a hundred marriages uptil now and only 1 or 2 of them might fit in the criteria of this trash piece of article.Recommend

  • Kiran Imam

    haha exactly my thoughts – i was surprised to see that ..Recommend

  • Talha

    Stop being judgmental about the other tons of good men around the country.Recommend

  • STH

    Brilliant!! I love it!! :DRecommend

  • naveed

    best commentRecommend

  • Muhammad Ehsan Elahi

    I feel the author just tried to stay away from the facts in order to just make this a funny post published by The ET. You should give your “Gyaan” relating to finance only bro… :-)Recommend

  • ss

    Each and every point holds true, all Pakistani men and their mothers want 19 yrs old working doctor who is expert in household chores :-/Recommend

  • Iceman

    If this a hilarious (comical) article, then its fine, otherwise, I have never read such a pathetic article in my life, I didn’t had the capacity to read the whole of it. Well done Mr Raza, on telling the entire world how bad we pakistani men are :)Recommend

  • http://www.umalik.com Usman

    Dude not knowing the number of even fard rakats in a namaz and now all this hatred for Pakistani men, which rock were you living under for all these years?Recommend

  • atiya

    oh thanks for the advice, i’ll so not marry this guy n dont worry no woman will marry u after these tips!!Recommend

  • Meral Ghafoor

    I don’t mind admitting that i have seen such men, in my own family too… living in a city, among educated ones.
    Have never seen a man with ALL these characteristics at once. But that’s not the point of an article anyway.
    Surprised to see this coming from a man. I guess men are capable of having a disposition from their gender too , to think what women go through.Recommend

  • Sarao_0

    after reading the comments: sach karwa hota haiRecommend

  • ShoukaT

    hey,1956 Called, they want their customs back..
    Wow what a load of horse crap…
    May be this happens in your family but all that stuff doesn’t happen nowadays in Normal Pakistani Households..
    Okay may be one or two of those point may happen here and there in some households but all of them, Impossibruuuu!!!Recommend

  • reader

    I disagree!Recommend

  • Ali Faraz Haque

    Oh! That thought never crossed my mind, who knew the person we all assumed to be an immature writer actually wrote the piece out of sheer jealousy. :DRecommend

  • Lt Col Imtiaz Alam(retd)

    What will the poor Pakistanis girls do. How do they find a bridegroom.Recommend

  • Ali Faraz Haque

    Has the thought crossed your mind that maybe, the guy wrote the article out of sheer jealousy? I mean what if, while the gentleman was out “globe trotting” in China his darling gave into the family pressure and decided to marry and this abomination is actually a last ditch effort of a broken heart to scare off his competition.
    If that is the case Mr. Zain, I expect another article from a Pakistani girl pretty soon titled “How stupid, do you think, are we, Mr Zain”

    Be afraid, be very afraid my friend. You dont underestimate the power of a pissed off desi baji :PRecommend

  • AMINA AMEIN

    Change that status-quo when you will be a Father-in-law!!! Probably Make sure you should have enough earning at that time so that you may live in a separate house with your lady, to save your boys from that horrible situations you mentioned above!!! Plus a driver at hand who take to you hospital in emergency,a Noble collection of literature to kill your long-free-hours and a puppy or a cat to give you comforts OF fun!!!! Blessings!!!!Recommend

  • Aiza

    I’m a foreigner married to a Pakistani. My MIL is a pain in my neck.Recommend

  • Noman Ansari

    “I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you.”

    And tadaa, you’re divorced.

    I lol’ed at the tadaa.Recommend

  • Moiz Omar

    A Pakistani newspaper.. Being racist against Pakisanis. You know this does not happen in every single Pakistani marriage.Recommend

  • simmy

    seriously everyone puffing up with consternation!!! this is funny and once you stop taking it so personally it is sadly very true for a big proportion of females….as a married female knowing a whole lot of the same, i find it funny not offensive….our eastern men are very spoilt compared to many who have been raised to respect women and treat them equally….Recommend

  • shumaila

    only corns in paki men Recommend

  • I.H

    Typo : “do speak without his permission”Recommend

  • Daniyal Shaikh

    Just say clearly that you want GAY marriages to be LEGAL in PakistanRecommend

  • Waqar Qureshi
  • T.S.

    This is funny, but sadly true for most part. It’s not stereo typing, it’s a cultural thing I think. Why get so defensive people. It happens. That’s how most of the boys are raise here: God’s gifts to this earth.Recommend

  • tehrim

    yes right abroad are also sameRecommend

  • pakone

    Almost all my best friends are happily married with their wives and kids in Pakistan – they all live in a joint family system, the wives are all educated, smart, career women who go out with their friends (male and female) freely, and the most important thing they support each other. Zain is just looking for his 2 mins of “fame” – well judging by the responses from Pak men and women below, looks like he just brought down the axe on his own foot. And btw, almost all my male friends refused any offers of dowry flat out when getting married and instead paid haq mehr.Recommend

  • Talha Khan

    Stupid thinking! Who are you? A guy from the medieval times or what?Recommend

  • titan

    dude seriously you should stop watching indian dramas !Recommend

  • tungi

    well he works outside and wrks really hard!if women cant cope with such menial things i think they should stay divorcedRecommend

  • SanaZ

    Even though exaggerated,I like that it is coming from a guy :) thumbs up for that !Recommend

  • Ana Z

    I am a foreign girl. Married a pakistani man and went to live in Pakistan. Life in Pakistan itself was second most horrible thing that ever happen to me. Well done writing about mother in law haha :) I am lucky my hubby is loving and sweet, I would do anything for him and he is very respectful.Recommend

  • Ana Z

    I am not sure about the rest of the world but in europe you are the boss of your man ;)Recommend

  • Ana Z

    MA :DRecommend

  • Nimra Zahid Meer

    This is a fact, accept it or not but somehow and somewhere in the life of a Lady, one experiences such crap. This is written not to misguide rather is a small piece with a bit of humor and loads of fact to actually bring a change in a society facing this, – My mother has experienced it all and this is true.Recommend

  • Nadeem&co

    @syed zain raza:
    way too much stereotyping. Sorry to burst the bubble but you really did not manage to pull this offRecommend

  • Zain Haider

    I can’t believe how can a guy think like that way! Either this guy don’t know the value of parents or his wife is successful in convincing him that his parents are his worst enemies.Recommend

  • Sarah B. Haider

    Everything but bad breath! :/Recommend

  • Danish

    All Nonsense! I pity your sample. The blog serves no good except for the fact that it can best be used as an example to define what “Stereotyping” actually is!

    *p.s ET you publish anything. Don’t disappoint your readers Please!*Recommend

  • shabi

    To find out that 1% you must go through at least from rest of 50% bad ones if not the total of 99%.. so you must have many bitter experiences,, stop being hypocrite if you have found that be with it and d,nt summarize all others in the scale of your judgementRecommend

  • Sarosh

    Good example, Express is lacking mature authors. The author in China is really lacking a sense of positivity the culture provides, which he will search for in the whole world. Very wrong suggestion through a mature media.Recommend

  • Aaliya Briggs

    Bravo!!!!!!! Applause for such candour and honesty coming from a guy! My sentiments exactly!Recommend

  • Sarosh

    true, but till the time ‘your man’ doesnt marry you. Infact he trots away. Refer to StatsRecommend

  • Sarosh

    this one sentence was bottom line. well said.Recommend

  • Sarosh

    Maybe at your locality. But please dont say “all pakkistani” … very mature and cultured people live in majority.Recommend

  • SAM

    Excellent write up. Everything is true but may not apply to everyone. Most Pakistani men are like that but they can’t read English. Those who can, they are offended becz you showed them mirror ;)Recommend

  • Sarosh

    v trueRecommend

  • Sarosh

    An article in a national paper, talking about Pakistani men as evil. 180 million has majority mothers who are core of family and enjoy respect. And I am sure if youwere a mother rite now, You wud see wat he relaly talked about.Recommend

  • Samreen

    The writer can make a good Indian soap opera writer….
    Even Paki soap would do….with soaps like ‘ishq hamari galiyon ma’, the writer would do loads well!!Recommend

  • Mansoor Ahmed Baig

    OMG! look at the ppl in the comments from all over the world disagreeing..especially the Ladies married to Foreign Pakistanis, lolz, like you really know a housewife situation in middle and lower middle class Pakistani Family (about 150Million in population) hey he’s describing about the women living in Pakistan with their hubbies and WITH hubby’s family. There’re hundred of cases daily reported in the news who have or had to face all these 10 circumstances throughout their lives and the count is still on.. This is NOT a feeble attempt by a writer but a Healthy presentation of society’s True Picture right before its very face, and yes reality bites. You can hate it for all you want but there’s not a one single stereotyping factor in the whole article rather shear intellectualism with lively humour. Well WrittenRecommend

  • Ali Khudadad

    Alright thanks we have come to know about India from you. But for your kind information nothing of this holds good about Pakistan….as we Muslims have taught all the other cultures and religion civilisation.
    Recommend

  • hassan

    How this article can com from a guy ????? dude you need help !!!Recommend

  • Hizbullah

    Complete Idiotic Article…Recommend

  • Faraz Talat

    Am I the only genius here seeing that the author has deliberately exaggerated these cultural quirks, to make the piece funnier?

    Decaf, folks! Decaf!Recommend

  • ABK

    Lets assume everything you right is correct. Than who are these mother in laws??? They are Pakistani women. Simply say you hate both gendersRecommend

  • mrs.w

    hello ladies..plz be realistic..if u r allowed and free enough to comment on this article, that means u r among the 2% female lot of the country whose enjoying a good life and free enough to use the internet,read articles online and comment.But please dont forget the 98% of the females in pakistan whom this article is applied on.Recommend

  • Parvez

    Now that was the result of an overactive imagination.Recommend

  • Goof

    He is too obsessed with these Drama Serials on Hum TV. He has taken them very seriously i am sure.Recommend

  • Moiz Omar

    *Pakistanis. I forgot the letter “K.”Recommend

  • Ch. Allah Daad

    So true. All ten reasons may not be true for every married girl but most certainly she will face few. So be ready.
    My comment is about 3rd reason. Recently one of my friend’s sister got divorced and demanded dowry back. My friend asked me to go with him to pick up dowry items. After we picked up everything mentioned in the list, trust me, nothing was left in the house of over dozen people, not even blankets.Recommend

  • sara

    Bull crap !Recommend

  • BJalil

    Funny and all true! Maybe not as severe as you have described but I can agree with a milder extract of your assessments of the Pakistani man. Also for the idiots who’s “HONOR” has been offended by this “SHAMEFUL” depiction of our society. Grow a sense of humor, angrezi parhni tou aa jati hai, angrezi humor samajh nahin aata!Recommend

  • masooma Raza

    Pakistani Girl ! u didnt marry a Punjabi Pakistani that’s why u are saying thisRecommend

  • gul

    I really loved it, and loved it more when I noticed that it is written by a man, and then loved it even more when I read the comments (all the people even the women are in denial), I just want t tell them that come out of showing off successful marital lives, and say the truth…But I wonder how would they come out of this illusion (of considering marriage as great institution), as the notion of masculinity are so strong in south asia especially Pakistan (and are getting stronger after this all talibinazation)Recommend

  • Iftikhar Ali

    Coming soon : The next article
    10 reasons why you should NOT marry a Pakistani Woman
    By Syed Zain Raza Published: December 7, 2014Recommend

  • zosuke coco

    LOL true to some extent, but well educated families aren’t much of the pain in ass these days.Recommend

  • fez

    Better marry some American or British guy so he can leave you for one of his girl friend when you have kids and you take care of the kids and yourself. … right? Start plus fool ….. Recommend

  • Miiya

    Lord have mercy. Im sincerely praying this is satirical.Recommend

  • MooooC

    Disqus should moderate this blogRecommend