Why do Pakistani men have a roving eye?

Published: November 15, 2013

Tackling the roving eye syndrome will require radical change, through education and a shift in values to abolish such behaviour.

What is up with Pakistani males and their need to objectify every female that crosses their path?

I emphasise on the word Pakistani because having lived in the West, I have never come across a culture or society where men have such difficulty lowering their gaze. 

It is something that has to stop!

Not only does it make a woman feel uncomfortable, if not naked, it is an extremely degenerate and distasteful trait in men. Married men, who indulge in it when their wives are sitting right next to them, are particularly loathsome.

It starts the minute I land at Islamabad airport right to when I reach my final destination. Whilst sitting in the car and minding my own business, you have motorcycles roaring past with their passengers peering into the car having seen the silhouette of a woman from the rear window. I honestly feel I have Elephantiasis, a gross enlargement of a limb, or some monumental flaw on my face which is the cause of such unjustifiable attention.

There are some women out there who actually get some sort of an appalling pleasure out of these stares and dress to impress just to fish up more looks.

I, for one, am not one of them at all.

Some unfortunate husbands and brothers keep their women covered from head to toe to prevent these stares but they don’t realise that sometimes even that is futile.

In England or Canada, the most a woman gets is a person looking at you once and then looking away. At most, she’ll get a couple of looks, anything more than that is considered staring and ultimately, very rude.

I know there are many other important things that are on the priority list of what needs to be changed in Pakistan, but this is something that needs to be discussed and alleviated.  If we claim to be a Muslim country with emphasis on men “lowering their gaze” to protect their modesty, then it should be implemented as well.

The question remains on how to go about changing this habit.  Maybe it should be discussed and talked about in the media or in some sort of public forum but the topic itself is perhaps absurd for national TV.

How do you even discuss such ogling or even acknowledge that men have this problem?

Most of the time men are in complete denial!

There has been a song written about this problem by Ali Gul Pir called “Taroo Maroo, which brings to light this sensitive issue with a dash of humour.

Aunty bhi taroo ga, uncle bhi taroo ga

(I will stare at an aunty, I will also stare at an uncle)

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xvng4g_taroo-maroo-ali-gul-pir_music

The lyrics are particularly funny because it implies that guys like this will gawp at anything and anyone. Although the song is meant to be taken light-heartedly, it doesn’t really tackle the issue head on.

‘Punch em’

Perhaps the solution if for women to be pro-active.

I’ve actually seen some women take matters into their own hands. My own mother, in fact, once punched a man for invading her personal space, only for him to walk straight on without looking back.

On one occasion, a group of us girls were in a marketplace when we noticed a guy staring at us from his tinted car as he drove by. This started annoying us as the same behaviour had occurred a few times before. Next time he returned, I decided to pick up a rather large rock closest to me and started walking towards him whilst looking directly at him. I lifted the rock up and shouted,

 “Do you have a problem?”

This resulted in him speeding away in a panic-stricken state and not returning. It was quite relieving and hilarious at the same time. Only when women start shouting and fighting back will the men realise that it is unacceptable to behave like this.

Women have to take matters into their own hands if they want to feel protected, but when a society is ingrained with this disease, the battle seems fruitless at times.  Many women just stay silent because they don’t want to have the issue spiral out of control.

Tackling the roving eye syndrome will require radical change, through education and a shift in values to abolish such behaviour.

Sadly, I don’t think this problem will be rectified anytime soon. One can only hope that a majority of women will unite together to make a stand against this repulsive habit.

I, for one, am starting to take a stand by teaching my young son that it is extremely rude to stare at anybody.

What will you do?

Faiza Iqbal

Faiza Iqbal

A law graduate from King's College, London Nottingham Law School. Having worked at Mandviwalla & Zafar as an Associate, she now writes freelance articles and is trying to qualify as a barrister in Canada.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Sharif Larka

    I think if women dress up modestly it will reduce the ogling to a larger extent in Pakistan…..Recommend

  • fsdf

    very one sided. what if women stare? should men just go to them and slap their faces?

    you are a law graduate and telling people to take the law in their own hand.

    we expect a serious discussion about gender stereotypes and how to reduce them.

    this type of blogs dont help.Recommend

  • Bewitched

    Yes yes the entire fault lies with the men and we are an innocent lot of “paris”Recommend

  • Gingo

    Because they are taught from birth that if they stare at a girl its the girls fault and it is reinforced by scriptures.Recommend

  • Gingo

    Lack of basic etiquette is the reason behind staring, not the type of dress on wears.
    What is modest dress for you may not qualify as modest for someone else.
    Also parents and society don’t instill value in their sons with regards to manners with the same vigor that they do with their daughters.Recommend

  • Supriya Arcot

    I think its an exaggerated article. Please , things are not in that extremes in the sub continent . I have lived in the west for 15 years now and it happens here too ( men are only more closed about it ).Recommend

  • Moiz Omar

    Our males are un-educated in this regard. They do not understand, that you should not stare at anyone for a long time. It is rude. They just think it is the fault of the female somehow. We should change this.Recommend

  • S

    So only thing i will add is, it is not Pak men here.

    White men are as disgusting and pathetic, i have lived in uk for 7 years and not once a white man has said to me that girl is very intellectual or really she is very good at what she does. The sickness that is in white men’s head has no bounds. They r just a bit discreet about it.

    Not to say I support Pak men doing it, we need to work on that and get that sort of behaviour out of our society.Recommend

  • Fahad Raza

    Lowering gazes by men is the motto here but what about lowering the veil… Why is that forgotten….????????Recommend

  • razi

    Sexist ALERT!Recommend

  • 007

    Seriously, tell me what should I do next time a girl stares at me? Pick a stone like ‘law graduates’ do?
    Am a married man in his 40s and still become victim of such ‘harassment’ even in the presence of my wife & kids. Trust me, I don’t look like an alien. Before sterotyping all Pakistani men in such a negative way, you must consider both sides of the picture. I wish you had written something positive / constructive which could have been either informative, entertaning or thought provoking. Stay blessed.Recommend

  • ziada sharif larka

    Why should girls do everything? Don’t we have any responsibility? If a girl is walking in bikini, is it allowed to look at them then? Or is it just that your desires are out of your control and now this is a lame excuse to justify it?Recommend

  • Naveed

    Do you know that USA is the country with the highest number of rape cases in the world.
    Furthermore, I also have relatives living in West. The point is, yes it happens in Pakistan, but don’t make Pakistani men sound as the worst kind in the World. You are exaggerating..Recommend

  • RMH

    It happens in closed societies. ..try travelling to Saudia sometimes…you will see that Pakistanis are total gentlemen. By the way, a lot depends on your dressing as well…if you live in a lower middle class area and wear western wear that is bound to raise some eyes I live in a posh area and find people don’t stare at me whatever I wear and when I go to my office which is in a low low income area I wear a shalwar kameez and dupatta..so nobody stares Recommend

  • Ayesha Abdul Qadder

    I wear Hijab, cover myself properly but still men stare!! Men commenting here against this article are biased (sorry to say this) But men have this problem that whenever they find any girl they start staring her.. :/Recommend

  • saman

    Lets talk about the majority ! MEN in this country DO HAVE staring problem! Specially the lower class. It gets annoyingRecommend

  • Iftikhar Ali

    because girls rove around moreRecommend

  • Shoaib

    I would suggest blinders, like women wear naqab and men are supposed to lower their gaze, let put blinders on men which block straight on vision. It should really be as Islamic as naqab.Recommend

  • Zulfiqar Shahzad

    You’ve been very one-sided. I personally know girls in Pakistan who “dress to impress” and love it when they are stared at more than their friend does. When you dress like a tart and go into busy market-places, what else do you expect, given the fact that majority of the men who are waiting for you there are not that educated? Also, to be balanced, the author should also rationalize whether or not her brother or father also engaged in this “typical Pakistani men trait”?

    By the way, this problem in Pakistan is nothing as compared to India.Recommend

  • Umer Khawer

    I’ve never saw a man staring at a girl who is wearing a Naqab….. why give men something to stare if it really bothers u that much… yes we (men) are responsible for our gazes but it is your (women) choice to either give men something to stare or not…. Right an article about thatRecommend

  • Karima

    Those of you having a hard time believing Pakistani men are the worst type around, bellieve it! I have been to countries and nowhere has male-ogling been as uncomfortable as it has been when the guy was a male. The discomfort they make you feel with the dirty look is just too much. I could have slapped some right across the face if i had the guts to do it. But parents forget to teach their female kids to be rude to nasty perverts. Let alone forgetting to teach male kids to lower their gazes. @ Author, you seriously forgot to mention the ‘touching’ type. The men who like to ‘touch’ females any chance they get… The touchy type, i have seriously come across only in Pakistan. Sadly, too. Because i love Pakistan and the only reason i speak up is that i want my country to be free of the filth that comprises pervert men. No disrespect to respectable ones.Recommend

  • asna

    Women should not be the moon which everyone sees uncovered, but women should be the Sun which makes eyes bow down before seeing it.Recommend

  • Karima

    In a previous comment, i meant “I have been to countries and nowhere has male-ogling been as uncomfortable as it has been when the guy was a Pakistani* (not male*).Recommend

  • asna

    well said!Recommend

  • Zulfiqar Shahzad

    I strongly believe females who are complaining about the stare malaise should put their hands up and admit whether or not their brothers and other menfolk in family engage in this trait. Put your own house in order please before bad-mouthing the society at large. Hypocrisy is shallow and least impresses.Recommend

  • Nado

    Let me tell you something, its not pakistani men, its PAKISTANIS including men and women who have a staring problem. They like to evaluate everyone from head to toe like they have to pass a “judgement” on how the person meets the “honorable” requirements. I live in Malaysia and I can tell you if a person is “Pakistani” by how they look at you i.e. head to toe!Recommend

  • Guest

    Stereotyping would never get the author far, especially as she is trying to become a lawyer in the West.Recommend

  • Zulfiqar Shahzad

    Stereotyping never gets you far. This is a lesson for the author, especially as she is trying to become a lawyer in the West.Recommend

  • Noman Ansari

    Reading some of the comments here I am starting to realize that Pakistanis have their heads buried in the sand. I mean, what she is saying is so obviously true. Are you guys in denial or what?Recommend

  • grandmasti

    There is no comparison at all.Indian women r more freer and visible than their pakistani counterpart at any place or field..Any pakistani visitor to India can confirm you this fact..Recommend

  • Faiza

    As the author of this article, I am absolutely appalled to notice how men consider the staring problem to be the woman’s fault! how pathetic! I have known of women who are covered head to toe and are still stared even touched up! And yes, as a law graduate, I dont encourage vigilante action BUT when a person starts harassing you in full public view and the police do nothing to prevent it then yes, you have to do something to protect yourself. The whole point is to take a stand otherwise men will continue to get away with this behaviour!Recommend

  • Ogler

    could it be that men in foreign countries are sexually satisfied and men in pakistan are frustrated that they resort to any sort of gratification just to get off. may be the way of changing/fixing this issue is not making communication/exposure to the opposite sex taboo.Recommend

  • M.A

    seems like telling people about which countries you have been to was the sole purpose of writing this biased piece !Recommend

  • Parvez

    From Malala’s book : When her mother worried and told her to cover her face while shopping outside because men were looking at her, she said ‘ but mama I’m looking at them too ‘………seems like a fair enough approach.
    In Pakistan this problem in not genetic. It was introduced into society in the 70’s when Zia injected his brand of Islam. Hypocrisy, religiosity, ruled supreme and true values got distorted and the values injected revolved around women’s conduct, dress, lifestyle etc ………..we are still reaping the dividends of this and it has only got worse.
    Having said the above blaming only Pakistani men is a bit much. You should travel a bit more.Recommend

  • MrRollsRoyce

    Aha! Thank you author for this blog, for the issue is one close to my heart. As a man with strong moral sense I find the behaviour of my compatriot Pakistani males (I hesitate to call louts “men”) towards women disgusting. And this is a behaviour they carry to other countries.

    The reason for the behavior is pretty simple, in my opinion. In our culture boys are taught that women are sources of evil desire and that it is the woman’s responsibility to stay totally hidden, lest she inflames men’s passions. This is nothing but reducing humans to animalistic level where we explitly state that our expectation is that people simply can’t exert any self control. In fact this is a general paradigm of social behavior, and I call it “lowest common denominator thinking”. Other examples are the ban on youtube or facebook bans when ten pages out of a billion are found “offensive” to the overly-sensitive masses. Rather than saying that our citizens can act with responsibility whether it comes to contact with the opposite sex, or control themselves on inflamatory content on the internet, the approach is to “let’s ban women” or “let’s ban the internet”. Another rather humerous example is where 95% of marriages are purely arranged with the argument that young people (never mind the people in question my have an age of 30!) are too immature to choose their own life partner! I say that if a person is incapable of choosing their life partner, how will they carry the responsibility of marriage and kids and everything else?!

    This LCD thinking sets expectations on people that are so low that they psychologically are primed to behave accordingly. Thus when males encounter females other than their immediate family members they are conditioned to ogle and stare, becuase in their (feeble?) minds they are fully entitled to such ogling, it is the female’s fault for being outside her house!

    Part of the LCD thinking cause of ogling is that women are then instructed to fully cover themselves from head to toe in a tent, to prevent males from looking at them. Now if this doesn’t send a message that a women is NOTHING but a sex object I don’t know what does! The burqa signifies the woman’s face is something to hide, that she has no identity of her own, and that if she shows her face it is HER fault for being so “slutty”.

    Mostly I blame the Arab-origin tribal mindset for this LCD thinking and associated problems, but it is also true that female harrassment is a big problem in India. I think overall a strong patriarchal, women-as-property tribal mindset is the root cause. Unfortunately we have a long way to go before we let go of such stone-age tribalism.Recommend

  • adil iqbal

    i
    think its natural for men and women to be attracted towards the
    opposite and checking out each other , is natural but it shud be done in
    a subtle manner not let the person feel tht ur checking em out hahahaha
    here in pak i agree most men do it like in your face and the others do
    it very subtle but in the past few years women(mostly young teenage
    girls) are also giving us a good competition.Happy checking out everyone pls keep it subtle hahahahaaRecommend

  • Sanam

    seriously! I cant even think of responding to the comments here as people are so submerged in their regressive thinking (which can’t be wiped out or even argued with).Recommend

  • Muhammed Usama Aziz

    I am damn sure you have not read the scriptures by yourself. This comment only shows your ignorance towards the scriptures!Recommend

  • zainsheikh88

    Walk down Edgware Road in London and you will notice that Arab men are worse than Pakistani men.Recommend

  • Kammi Kameen

    What if women stare eh?

    Hahahaha. That my friend will be your biggest dream come true.Recommend

  • engg_fahd

    I have myself thought too much on this subject and I have come across to the conclusion that we have a different culture. Its not at all like the culture in the west. When people here see something which is not their culture, they get a cultural shock and they stare. This all is happening because we are not showing our own media to our people. The movies they see are of Hollywood or Bollywood. The drama that they like is Turkish, so they think and act according to that media that they are seeing but other people get a cultural shock seeing such people.Recommend

  • Pashtoon_Pak

    “I emphasise on the word Pakistani because having lived in the West, I have never come across a culture or society where men have such difficulty lowering their gaze.”

    I am living in UK for over 15 years
    and was shocked to see how West has used their women as commodity to sell
    products etc but i can see our new so-called liberals also
    want the same thing (i.e. not much cloths but if man look at them then its
    bad thing).

    Stop comparing yourself with European
    as i have seen 90% of men in Europe look at every woman from top to bottom
    especially at weekends except who have covered them self (i.e. good Muslim
    women) and look at India where rape is on so high since 1989 when i visited
    India.

    As Muslim country, our standard
    should be Islam but not Europe because in Europe where everyone take care of
    each other rights (great thing to have) but on the other side that gives
    freedom to change your sex, marriage to same sex, and sleeping with 100 of men
    and women which is not part of Islamic culture and have many many negatives for
    society.

    To me you are one of those who laugh at your own people rather than fixing
    the issue and will never ever see positives of Pakistan and negatives of West.Recommend

  • Pashtoon_Pak

    Fully agree and the call there girl friends as B***h, etc and i have seen many times there eyes are red, abuse them on street and look at other womanRecommend

  • Pashtoon_Pak

    That is why not every society have rape and abuse.

    If girl is half naked, then i will look at her and if she is covered than i will not.

    I watched the program on one of the British channels about India rape and they said that now non-Muslim girls cover them self as Muslims to avoid rape and bad looks from men.

    if dress has nothing to do then why there is such a big change in India.Recommend

  • Pashtoon_Pak

    I agree that in Europe woman who are covered no one look at them but they do from top to bottom to those how are not covered as Muslim and there are not that many Muslims. But in Pakistan i do feel sorry for woman as men do stair at them from top to bottom even if they are covered.Recommend

  • anon

    This is the result of segregation. In West, people look at each other, maybe even stare at them for few seconds and then either go talk or move on. Since in PK, its not possible (at least for vast majority) to talk, staring is where things remain.

    To people who think that clothing is an issue, I would just say its very subjective, in civilized places people don’t stare not even at beaches but here uncovered head is enough. Once you somehow manage to willingly or forcefull make all women wear burqa, staring will continue, only the focus will change from face or hair to walk, etc.

    Some possible solutions :

    1. Complete segregation (many would probably support it).

    2. Teaching manners (not likely with current failed education system and even after that urge will be there).

    3. Strcit punishments (when justice system can’t handle clear cut cases, this will result in huge potential for abuse).

    4. Reducing segregation (people won’t support it).Recommend

  • G. Din

    I was told that good Muslims are required to lower their gaze in front of a woman. Apparently Pakistanis who never tire of quoting Islamic injunctions, are not good Muslims, after all!Recommend

  • Chouhan

    @Author, We enjoy our complete denial status.Recommend

  • Chouhan

    Wrong! men do not even spare burqa waliRecommend

  • A W

    The writer has good intentions and is pointing towards a serious problem that the Pakistani people really need to address. Men anywhere should not stare at women. Why this is a dominant problem in Pakistan is mainly due to the way Pakistan is formed (extreme segregation of men and women ) and lack of ethical values.

    I know that being a Muslim country we are shocked when this type of vulgar behavior is observed whether inside the country or abroad, but we should observe the ground realities too. First of all, in our culture there is this perception that boys can do anything and they would not be harmed by their actions. This thinking leads to consequences such as the writer has indicated in this article. Parents often put much more moral restrictions on their daughters than their sons. The Pakistani society is extremely lenient with males when they act in vulgar way in their interactions with the opposite sex. So, in addition to other measures, unless the males of our nation are also made to realize their moral responsibilities in a society along with the girls, by their parents, friends and society, I don’t think this problem is going anywhere.Recommend

  • Ali

    This is a side-effect of all Muslims societies. Not just PakistaniRecommend

  • amina

    this mentality is disgusting. just becauser rape is still taboo and is not as widely discussed in muslim socoeities as it is in western societies you should not think that women arent raped in muslim societies.
    what is the difference between a man and an animal if a man can’t even control his gaze?Recommend

  • Arzoo

    Faiza, you have raised a very pertinent issue in quite a straightforward manner. Having spent most of my life in the States and in Europe, I tend to agree with your observation that Pakistani men’s ogling is palpably distasteful and done in a very crude manner. Forget about what the religion teaches in this regard, it’s not even done in an obliquely tasteful manner. Beauty and good looks will universally attract opposite sex’s gaze but good taste and manners cannot be left at home when venturing out.Recommend

  • Baba Ji

    Very true … basically we have become a “bay haya” qoum !!!Recommend

  • amina

    only because rape cases are more widely reported in the USA!Recommend

  • amina

    While I think that this staring problem is absolutely disgusting and should be punishable by law, I think the blame lies not with the men, but with the women. The women, i.e, the mothers of these men are to blame. If these men are taught from a young age how to respect women (every woman and any woman, not just their mothers and sisters) these problems would not exist.Recommend

  • Hammad A.Mateen

    Distance from religion. That’s all one can say.Recommend

  • Pashtoon_Pak

    Modest man has responsibility to lower their gaze and have to follow mosdest code of dress and same to woman. I wouldnt call them animals because there are many worse things happening around the world.

    As i call my self different than others, i will not use such a words about your opinion as everyone has there own opinion.

    Yes woman and man both get abused by evil mentality (seen many woman and men with evil mentality in Europe and Asia) regardless of their religion but narrowing it only towards only man is sexist

    One things i will say is most of Pakistani woman and man are sexist towards each otherRecommend

  • PkMountie

    you are trying to dig some here. arent you?Recommend

  • Ameer

    FYI: In the West, forget staring, people can take pictures of you and follow you around and there isn’t a thing you can do about it. Look up Paparazzi.

    I feel women in Pakistan much like everything else Pakistani are mired by delusions of grandeur. In the West, women couldn’t care less who is staring or whatever. Yes its rude but its NOT YOUR RIGHT TO NOT BE STARED AT.

    Mind your own business and stop looking around at who is looking at you all the time.

    P.S Shamfeul that you glorify your mother punching a guy for “invading her personal space”. What does that even mean? I am sure there is no law that gives you “personal space”. I mean did he grope her? If he did, be clear. Your ambiguity is rather careless.Recommend

  • Ali

    Unfortunately many women and girls are not raised to be strong enough to confront these leering losers. Some would describe these men as frustrated. For me, it is some kind of mild mental disorder. Pakistani men (most of them anyway) can’t get enough of this. For the same reason, when they travel to the West, they lose all control, because every fantasy seems to turn into reality. This is one of those things for which Pakistani people cannot blame the government. We have to do something about it. I really hope that we find a solution for this. Something that embarrass them would work. Something like recording a video and playing it on TV and Youtube to name and shame them. At least, it will make some of these harassers think twice before doing it and may deter others. I don’t know. I really wish and hope that ISLAMIC republic of Pakistan becomes a better place for women.Recommend

  • Ameer

    Your sense of the Rule of Law is appalling. You and your mother would both be arrested in the West. One for punching a man invading “her personal space” it doesn’t exist in law; its either her person or her property and the other for threatening to attack a man with a rock in the middle of the road.Recommend

  • Ameer

    He was talking about men staring at women in public. Face it you guys are no better.Recommend

  • Muhammad Yaqub Baqapuri

    LOL !Amazing how this Lady can know that someone is staring at her without constantly looking back at the same Person !!
    The Holy Quran asks both men and women to lower their gazes !!
    Constantly looking back at the same Person is gazing – am i wrong ??Recommend

  • Satesh Kumar

    You give me one instance of that and i would tell you what men should do…!!Recommend

  • Satesh Kumar

    “Only when women start shouting and fighting back will the men
    realise that it is unacceptable to behave like this.” > This is not a
    solution to the problem instead it will add fuel to the burning fire.
    I
    sometime feel shameful to be part of a society where man stare at other
    women or boys stare at other girls with amorous intentions and that the
    very statement comes to my mind “in logon ke ghar me maa behan nahin hain kia”
    The only solution which i feel would work is not giving a damn..!!Recommend

  • Taser

    The term ‘roving eye’ refers to someone who looks at another flirtatiously while himself already being involved in a relationship. The author and the editors should perhaps rename the article as it clearly talks about something else equally important but unrelated to the heading of the article. English lessons my dear.Recommend

  • Satesh Kumar

    Staring at some one to pass a “judgment/comment” is something different and ogling at is entirely different.Recommend

  • mano

    Looking at the comments here affirms my belief that Pakistanis have a superiority complex. This blog was a “yahoodi sazish”.Recommend

  • grandmasti

    Where did you saw this joke..lol..Someday before they even have reported that a rape fest is being organised in India..who is gonna believe it.I m living in Bangalore and here women easily can be seen walking in mini skirt.stop assuming everything by yourself..Recommend

  • Kash

    Absolutely spot on Faiza. I have lived in US for past 15 years and I have a problem with this attitude in Pakistan when I travel back with my wife and kids. My wife wears hijab and dresses very modestly, but it still does not prevent people from staring at her non-stop.Recommend

  • Pashtoon_Pak

    You Indian go to school to learn your gods language but do not understand it.

    read my comment again and then open your mouth.

    i am NOT assuming this, i have WATCHED the program on British TV.

    Shell i say in your Bangalore language than you will understand.Recommend

  • Ali Zaib

    it depends on the area and society. Though I agree with the author but I’d appreciate if the author had done some research and come up with the reason. why Pakistani men are staring. It would be an awesome read.
    I know the reason, if have pardon in advance, I’ll say it. it is because of our hypocrite society. Nor they allow the youngster to have ‘girlfriends’ neither would they make ‘marriage’ is easy for them and result is what this article is about.Recommend

  • Ali Zaib

    Someone will then argue WHY married men stare? Again just think for a minute, How difficult it is to break up with your spouse in our country. so result is a man unsatisfied would stare.Recommend

  • PAKIBOY

    Men throughout the world have this problem. Unfortunately Pakistan and Pakistani men are labelled for whatever they do. If a Gora comes up to a desi girl in a foreign land and says she’s pretty; she will find it as a complement where as if a pakistani men does something like this or even looks at the desi girl he will be labelled as creep. Gora men check girls out as much we guys do. You just said Men checking girls out while they r with their wife are loathsome, that’s common is west too that’s called “window shopping” there. So stop spoiling our reputation.Recommend

  • Pankaj

    This is due to separation of both the sexes during childhood. Healthy interaction between both the sexes during teen age years can reduce this problem to a great extent. Co-education should be encouraged in the society.Recommend

  • whatever

    Great article and I completely agree that this issue needs to be talked about instead of being hushed up. You have mentioned a song which presents the staring problem in a humorous way and is far from tackling this problem. Agreed, and not only that but it isn’t constructive at all. Humoring a matter only reduces its gravity and gives it a higher chance of gradual acceptability. Overall a very good blog. Keep it up!Recommend

  • Pankaj

    Why sign up is must for voting down, while voting up is freely available in this newspaper ?Recommend

  • Pankaj

    Even Arabs don’t fulfill this mandatory requirement to be good muslim. If this criteria is strictly observed, it would be very difficult to find good muslim in the whole world.Recommend

  • Majid Sheikh

    OK. Pakistani men stare to women. In all feudal societies where there are more men than women this happens. In Germany and Sweden it is the other way round. Nothing wrong with Pakistani men. The circumstances dictate behaviour. See what happens in India.
    Recommend

  • Pankaj
  • Syme

    Whats wrong if men stare? This whole “western men” logic is farce. Its none of women or men fault, its all about the approach.
    Here it seem like a dialogue between apologetics and people who are in denial.Recommend

  • x

    This would have been a good article tackling a pertinent issue reflective of the mindset prevalent in society, however, the statement “There are some women out there who actually get some sort of an appalling pleasure out of these stares and dress to impress just to fish up more looks.

    I, for one, am not one of them at all.” reeks of self righteousness and the same mindset you condemn.Recommend

  • grandmasti

    Why r you watching such cooked up things …lol ..hahaha..Here women have rights.A MP says that women shouldnt wear short skirts in school ,and he has to bear the wrath of common pubic and apologize to them..That can explain you much about the situation in India.Recommend

  • woman

    Oversimplification at its peak. The issue is not so simple. What kind of shalwar kameez do you wear? Lawn in summers is sometimes see through so does that attract stares? What about chiffone dupattas? What about tights and capris, are those ‘allowed’? What about short shirts with shalwars or tights or choridaars? What are your views on length of sleeves? Neck and back, how high should they be? Fitting? What about jeans or tights with longer shirt? Please clarify everything.Recommend

  • woman

    Anyway, sorry to sound so full of myself-although not using my usual pseudonym – but I am generally considered quite a pretty woman and I do attract stares even in “eastern, acceptable” clothes of mass made, khadi type long and loose kurta (kameez) with tights/trousers and hair pulled back, no makeup look. Also, I have beautiful hair and if I ever open it or partially open it, I attract much more stares. Even with pulled back hair and no makeup, men do stare in marketplaces, at workplace or while driving. Please suggest a solution? Should I cover my face or get plastic surgery.
    Disclaimer: Normally while going out to eat or something, I do make an effort with my appearance and sometimes at workplace too, so I’m not against dressing up and I do wear jeans, makeup, open hair, jewellery, etc sometimes. But even without any of this, men do stare. What do I do?Recommend

  • grandmasti

    What happened to seema javed and her friends who were not only harassed by officials but even sacked for complaining..How do you explain it??Recommend

  • dude

    This is one of many ills of our society.
    Acknowledging that we have a problem is the first step towards weeding out issues like these and that first step is unfortunately the hardest.Recommend

  • king

    This problem is even more worse in both men and women belonging to lower class. They stare at one like anything. I’m not being racist but this is true.
    Well women covering themselves properly can reduce this issue but as commented above, Some people do not even spare a women in Hijab/burqa.Recommend

  • MK

    “having lived in west” is just so much tiring to hear now lol. You are right, you had so much more freedom there, people were so much well behaved, buses were clean and men gazed only once at your face. Welcome back, i hope your stay is a safe one :)Recommend

  • A. Salma

    LOL! Good one! That’s NOMAN!Recommend

  • Vikram

    If girl is half naked, then i will look at her and if she is covered than i will not…………… What happens to Islamic instruction that men should lower their gaze? In Egypt where most women wear burqa, 99% of Muslim women get sexually abused. Recommend

  • preet gill

    I have noticed that thing about most of desi guys. It feels like we are piece of meat. Mymom used to tell me walk on the street by llooking down instead.. because men would think different if you will look around. . But I noticed that didn’t stop men not doing anything bad thou.. even when you are fully dressed in a traditional cloths not inwestern cloths.. I haven’t seen many women staring at men like how men do… so stop making stupid points just sake of debate and realize anf accpet your mistakes and start acting like a responsible citizen. Recommend

  • Zulfiqar Shahzad

    Well, you brought it on, by naive stereotyping, labeling all Pakistani men as suffering from the “trait”. The killer point was when you alluded to your aggression as you threatened someone with a stone, to go along with your contention of trying to become a lawyer. Lo behold!Recommend

  • Zulfiqar Shahzad

    Not quite, Ma’am. India is infamous for this. It’s s[plashed all over Bollywood too, for this very reason. There’s countless stories online too of tourist females who’ve had a horrid time there.Recommend

  • Zulfiqar Shahzad

    Exactly! How about this “trait” of some females to take law into their own hands when they feel it’s right..Recommend

  • Zulfiqar Shahzad

    Well, if what she is saying is true, then you are an ogler too, I’m afraid! You are a Pakistani man, right?

    Stereotyping was blatant and that caused the outrage.Recommend

  • secretsharer

    thanks faiza for putting words in my mouth…this is the correct picture of Pakistani men and its very painfull for me when my own husband who’s well educated stares at other women( does’t matter if modestly dressed’ or not) even though im right next to him, this has now resulted in me not going out with him any more to avoid distrust and bad relationship …Recommend

  • WhyMe

    Dont be so naive….when you have a man blocking your way because theyve been so busy oogling that they have forgotten simple manners as moving out of the way makes you notice them and their uncomfortable lingering stares. you dont need to stare back to know that the man is still standing there gawking.Recommend

  • Yasmin

    Having lived in Pakistan, Saudi and UK….I notice this behaviour is just as common everywhere, but not as obvious and uncomfortable. I think this behaviour is in every society and does not just stop at men. women stare just as much…..but why does it always feel so uncomfortable and dirty when a pakistani man does it? Is it because we expect better from them…..afterall they are supposed to be our muslim brothers and our countrymen? I mean if we dont feel safe around these men then how are we suppose to trust others?Recommend