A mother’s reflection

Published: September 18, 2013

When I am alone, I am engulfed by your thoughts, which have a strong hold and power over me.

On days when I would be in bed and not found going up and about the house, you would stand in the doorway of my bedroom to take a quick peek. I guess you liked checking in on me, assuring yourself that I was alright. You would ask me if I needed something and then go away to get busy in whatever you would previously be doing. You had been like this since the day you began to toddle around the house, unchanged.

This has always been your habit, my daughter, my lifeline — my one and only.

You are not my possession anymore, as I had to give your hand away into someone else’s, who would love and care for you as your husband. Transitions are inevitable and many came in your life, with a unique subtleness.

You were a wife, and now a mother as well, who would love and nurture new bonds and relationships instinctively and intuitively. Before you were a wife, however, your worrisome nature and your loving dedication were only towards me. Oh, how much I miss and crave sometimes for your care. It is in these moments of longing that a mother misses her daughter.

Oh! My adorable, I miss you so much. I doubt I’ll ever get over you because you were my addiction, my bad habit, my pleasure. You were the one who always spoilt me by giving your complete affection, concern and care, making me feel special and loved always.

Those small gestures of care and love from a daughter and those messages of reassurance, I miss terribly. For me, you are a statement in one whole and not just a word. To describe you I would need phrases from beyond this world.

Despite all the life and noise around me, the house looks dismal without your giggles and fragrance. Nothing makes it complete anymore, not at all the same without your laughter and chatter that would fill the air around the house.

Just like every mother has certain dreams and ambitions for her children, I too, have always wanted to see you successful. To see you grow up and become a strong, independent woman. You have fulfilled my dream immensely, my love. However, when I dreamed to see you soar with the stars, I forgot that I would have to let you go and roam freely one day. And even when the time came, I easily married you off to your Prince Charming, and let you move out into the big world outside. Till then it had not occurred to me that once you’ll be gone, it’ll be for good, away from home, forever. Like a tangible, concrete reality. Not like when you would go away for holidays.

Now, my dreams of the past are your present life and your future, which I have visualised always as a brilliant series of happiness and opportunities.

My days begin with you on my mind. When I am alone, I am engulfed by your thoughts, which have a strong hold and power over me. When I am alone, I am engulfed by your thoughts, which have a strong hold and power over me. In the silence of my loneliness, the bond between a mother and a daughter starts to speak loudly, all the more pronounced.

No matter how busy and distracted I would want to be during the day, nothing stops me from slipping into a retrospective mode. Whatever I do, your essence is present in it and that always reminds me of the things that we did and the times we spent together, all our lives from the day you were born to me. Your thoughts make me ponder, make me wonder and force me to envision your presence alongside me.

Yes, it’s all justified for a mother. She qualifies to be capable of making emotional outbursts, wherever she wants and whenever she misses her children. Only a mother knows that her cure is present in breeding and breathing thoughts of her sweet little babies. Her peace of mind lies in her words, her scribbling on the paper, and on her heart. Emotions of a mother are engraved forever.

No matter how one may try to resolve the case, a mother still finds it hard to control the gush of tears from rolling down her cheeks to soothe those red swollen eyes. Eyes which long to see that same beautiful face of her old best friend, her angel, her daughter and her darling, wishing that she would pop out of somewhere, somehow.

Come home soon my love!

Tazeen Rizvi

Tazeen Rizvi

A Pakistani-Canadian journalist living in Canada for the last 17 years. She tweets @rizvit (twitter.com/rizvit) and blogs at tazeenrizvi.blogspot.com

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Parvez

    Read it from top to bottom, there’s a sentence in the middle thats been repeated but I somehow missed what the author was getting at. Apart from the mother – daughter thingee thats universal and understood ……..what did I miss ?Recommend

  • One life-don’t waste it ..

    Sounds like a widow with an empty nest syndrome…
    Easy solutions-Work,volunteer,travel,take up a hobby,go for classes,get a dog,learn a new language…remarry …Recommend

  • samiullah khatir

    great writtenRecommend

  • ur

    Beautifully written..couldnt have expressed it any better…Recommend