Who cares about the Royal Baby?

Published: July 23, 2013

The entire world is one baby fart close to wearing a romper and carrying a baby rattle themselves. PHOTO: REUTERS

He’s here.

Don’t pretend you don’t know who I am talking about; the entire world is one baby fart close to wearing a romper and carrying a baby rattle themselves.

Photo: AFP

I appreciate and welcome new life into this world, however if you make me feel like we’re literally standing at Pride Rock and waiting for a Simba, it makes me cringe.

Here are my reasons for not losing my mind over the birth of a child:

361,481 babies:

According to the United States Census Bureau, for 2010, 361,481 babies are born each day around the world. This means that for every minute there are 251 babies born worldwide which, in effect, means that a baby is a pretty common occurrence.

Absurdity makes me sick:

The Sun had a “Baby Monitor” and the Guardian had a live blog on the birth of this baby, without missing a single contraction Kate Middleton experienced. The Sun pushes it just a little more by calling itself “The Son” today.

Please view, with some sort of eye protection:


Money wasted on a child, is worse than money just wasted

Bookies had their own celebration, with the money they made on what was inside Kate Middleton’s stomach. Hours after the Duchess of Cambridge went into labour, Ladbrokes took 50,000 bets on the name of the baby! Who knows, maybe the betting will continue for a few more days; this time, perhaps, on what the three-day-old baby’s favourite food is and, since he’s royal, it just cannot be plain milk.

Photo: Reuters

Betting agency Coral described it as the “biggest non-sporting betting event in the company’s history” and others took bets on the colour of the baby’s aunt’s clothes on her first visit.

Every mother should protest, their baby is just as unpredictable as Kate Middleton’s.

Photo: Reuters

In fact, every baby can have an aunt that won’t tell the world what she’ll be wearing when she visits too.

Babies are scared of guns – just FYI

As per royal baby tradition, this child too shall subject the world to the sound of gunfire (in celebration). The King’s Troop Royal Horse Artillery and the Honourable Artillery Company will both be carrying out ceremonial salutes in honour of the little one. I mean sure, we carry out ceremonial salutes at weddings and all, but not every time we see a child being born. We’d run out of bullets in Pakistan.

Photo: AFP

Not the only royalty

There are ruling monarchs in Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Oman, Bahrain and Jordon. And I can safely bet they have many babies too- but we don’t know them or care to know the colour of their socks. What makes this British Royalty so special?

I forgave Britain for making Kate and William’s wedding an event for every eye on this planet, but now I may not be so generous. For example Crown Princess Victoria of Sweden got married in 2010, how many of us knew who made her dress? Or who chose the exact shade of pink of her cheek? That’s right, none of us.

They should be offended; we commoners clearly discriminate and don’t consider all royalty important.

Photo: Reuters

I’m not alone

I tried to talk myself out of all this baby hate I was spewing out, but then I found my family.

This obsession would make complete sense if this was the Lion King, but no, I saw no Rafiki- and that makes this the real world.

Read more by Manahyl here or follow her on Twitter @manahylk

Manahyl Khan

Manahyl Khan

A sub-editor on the Magazine desk of The Express Tribune. She tweets @manahylk (twitter.com/manahylk)

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Annam Lodhi

    I share the feelings exactly – last night mu sister declared the birth of the “Half blood prince” (its a Harry Potter thing I suppose – she is a die hard fan)
    The baby is all over the news! The pre- post birth issues are put – everything and anything!
    teh world is excited for God knows what reason – it has actually became quite annoying.

    Every child is special to his/her parents – I just the Royal family would also want their privacy.

    Just that the media has nothing to sale at the moment I suppose.Recommend

  • Nadir

    Stop claiming Pakistan is “obsessed”. Its a handful of people on Facebook and Twitter, and thats that. A blogpost on it just feeds the monster.Recommend

  • Matt Smith

    I gotta be honest, I dont care, I dont know them personally….its just another baby. Congrats to them and all that jazz but i dont want to hear about it every 5 mins. I especially dread the moment the name is announced, and first word, first sight, first steps. jeez its gong to be blown way out of proportion. i just feel sorry for the little guy. Recommend

  • Mariyah

    I only logged in to check if there was something on the ‘royal baby’ and here it is!
    I knew a Pakistani individual would be given an opportunity to exhibit their endless hate and utter jealousy for the British. If its not a big deal, GET OVER IT! Stop talking about it.
    But, how could you not, after all its the ‘Royal First Born’, Your Highness Prince of Cambridge, not just an other human being who has to grow up to prove himself. Where as are little prince has nothing to prove. He has the royal blood running down his veins. Grasp the reality, he might be the one whom us Pakistani’s would be begging for a residence in the UK :p Recommend

  • Babyhater

    Hahah funnyRecommend

  • Uzair Ahmed

    I agree with you 100%. The problem with our electronic as well as social media is same, it needs an issue to debate upon, no matter whatever the issue is! Let it be a wedding, birth , divorce or remarriage( must be associated to a Pretty, Popular or Wealthy individuals otherwise no one cares), every channel and every individual wants to show its/his remarks and also tries to be the first!! :P Recommend

  • http://www.Gtir-motorsport-club.com Lieghton Hardiman

    I couldnt agree more with the above statement why do we constantly need the news of a royal baby shoved down are necks. I for one do not really care and dont see what the fuss is all about WAHOOO its another baby to add to are yet over populated world… il go get my party hat.Recommend

  • Adnan

    Priceless!Recommend

  • Muhammad Ishfaq

    hmmm, I didn’t care so I just ignored the facebook posts and stopped listening to the news. Didn’t even know the facts you just mentioned, I mean, if you are not interested simply leave the baby alone.Recommend

  • Realist

    It is bizzare… but here we see the power and reach of Western Media – even a non-event such as royal birth is portrayed to be the biggest event of 2013…. it seems we all have a lot to learn from them! Recommend

  • Shamy

    Very good article. Exactly what i have been thinking since the baby was born.Recommend

  • Falcon

    Thanks God someone brought it up. So much coverage of a royal baby on one hand and no coverage of thousands of kids across the globe living in pain / poverty / illiteracy is just mind boggling to say the least.Recommend

  • Reza

    How come u cared to write a post to not care. Lol!!
    His ancestor’s ruled the world so this much enthusiasm isn’t bad frm former colonies. Now cheer up. Happy birthday royal baby.
    @nadir i agree only fb nd english speakers nd redears can’t avoid royalbabymaniaRecommend

  • Bilal

    Its good business for the UK; it has already added millions of pounds to their economy
    Royals in the UK are just ceremonial now, they attract a lot of tourism. They actually pay back more than they take from the tax payer.
    Stop giving this impression that people in Pakistan are obsessed with this baby. People have other things to cheer for and worry about.
    Finally as a human being, I feel happy for the family!
    Recommend

  • Awais Khan

    Why is the writer of this topic being so sarcastic? I agree that a lot of babies are born each day but this is a royal baby and some jubilation over his birth should take place. Unfortunately, we as a nation always try to spread negativity. Peace…Recommend

  • http://gujrat Zalim singh

    Let me guess – you.Recommend

  • Baby

    another waste of words. ET can you publish any better blogs.Recommend

  • Parvez

    ……..why can’t we just be happy for someone else, for a change. Is that asking too much ?
    Recommend

  • hassan

    You have too much time on your hands, dont forget that you are the one who wasted her time on thisRecommend

  • sana

    Why are you so jealous? The baby is a crown prince of a nation where the monarchs are head of state for big countries like Australia and Canada, the Commonwealth, not just the UK. The popularity lies in the British Monarchy being a global icon while the kings and queens of the rest of the world who are kings and queens for soley their own country! Recommend

  • GAP

    I want to ask god how he decides ( what is his criteria) for a human to be born as a prince in a royal family and another child in a beggars house.Recommend

  • just_someone

    Thank you for saying how I feel.

    The British people are letting these oyals steal from them and someone they are ignorant enough to be in awe of them!!Recommend

  • Pakistani

    LOL…

    The media is dishing out coverage because there’s demand for it! Recommend

  • J

    I fully agree… You missed some points…. Like every day many children in Africa die because of hunger and water…. Million children, women and elder people die in Syria, Iraq.Recommend

  • Khan

    Pointless, pointless blog. Recommend

  • GhostRider

    You know British royalty and bollywood have similar attention seeking problems. Exactly similar fanfare was witnessed when ashwariya got married to bachan and when they had the baby. British royalty is somehow remotely worthy of such attention since they ruled the world, but bachans!!! seriously it just seems out of place.Recommend

  • Ammad

    I think you got the Pakistani audience wrong. I can bet only 0.3% of the Pakistani population gave two cents about the baby. It was the Pakistani media. Recommend

  • Avatar

    @sana: Agreed, in Pakistan envy and jealousy is the way to go. Recommend

  • Spigot !

    ” Royal Baby ? …. Been there…..done that …………35 times ! ”
    Courtesy The Arab Royal Family !Recommend

  • Afaq

    Blogger doesn’t know the royalty of Great Britain. Recommend

  • sjav

    u cared enough to write an article about it :)Recommend

  • Bilal

    it seems like you are more obsessed about it then any one else, its a happy occasion celebrate it what is the worse that can happen, this is not the first time a celebrity baby get this much media attention i remember the same had happened when Aishwariya Bachan had gone into labour! Recommend

  • Nasir

    Dear Manahyl: I think you don’t know what is the contribution of this family in making British people proud in the world. They have ruled majority of the world land for hundered of years and there was a time when sun was lighting the land of British empires for round the clock. This is the family who ruled sub continent for two hundered years and gives you major projects still used by locals. This is the family which agree that we should give independence to people of India and to muslims now living in Pakistan and Bangladesh. This is not an ordinary baby. a famous saying ” This is not the Gun which matters, its Man behind the Gun”. Recommend

  • Milind

    Agreed.. We don’t have to be gung-ho on this episode.

    However I’d rather have these fireworks in the media rather than the live bombs going out in crowded markets.Recommend

  • http://Sheffield Karchiittee

    Well manahyal first thing is that all the monarch in middle east are barbaric and non human entities and really no one in the world care about them a little bit ….they are cruel people violating human rights and foremost women rights secondly the british monarchy is much stronger influential and powerful then that of sweden monarchy third pakistan has been part of british empire and we have almost every thing adopted from them like the law, road system, and language to name a few fourth they are one of the world oldest surviving Royal family……so it makes sense that they should be given importance….and lastly pakistanis should celebrate because pakistan is the highest recipient of aid given by british empire so yes to show graditute to the Britishers we should celebrate Recommend

  • Col. Nicholson

    @Author:

    “Bookies had their own celebration, with the money they made on what was inside Kate Middleton’s stomach.”

    Technically speaking, babies don’t grow in a woman’s stomach, they are inside the UTERUS which overlaps the stomach as the baby grows. Stomach is for digesting food and drink only. Just being nit-picky I know, but couldn’t help it:-)Recommend

  • keepcalm

    fact pickers , disagreers, general pakistanis please keep calm. its supposed to be for laughter read it move onRecommend

  • Murthy

    The author is right. A lot of fuss is made in the media and the interest is going to die down very soon. Just like it is another baby ‘royal’ or ‘commoner’, interpretations mean nothing to others, so long as some practitioners of Islam have made killing innocent people all over the world including Pakistan itself their vocation. Recommend

  • A Malik

    And the name is George! Wonderful.Recommend

  • Gratgy

    Reminds me of the Truman ShowRecommend

  • Bilal

    Loved the name George! :)Recommend

  • Aneela

    wow this is such a whiny blog. you know what’s funny, i have not seen ONE facebook picture status or anything of the like of people going “yayy the royal baby is here”, but over a hundred or so of something akin to “who cares about the royal baby”, “there are more important things happening in this world”, “we sought independence so we woudn;t have to care about royal babies anymore”

    the problem, as i see it, is not that people are obsessed with the royal baby, but they’re obsessed with the need to make a statement about the fact that they don’t care.

    yes, in britain, it matters to people a lot. but its their country let them rejoice over something if they want. if it was president zardari having another child, granted people here wouldn’t be saying many nice things, but it is all they would be talking about. Recommend

  • PRO PAK

    What a royal family living on peoples taxes and baby also born on their tax..Recommend

  • PRO PAK

    who cares,,Recommend

  • alex

    who cares for what u say ??!
    learn to get happy for others and stop showing attitude , i bet all of u would have seen their wedding at tv or online and also would have seen it all bith celebration etc at tv or news parper .
    come on it feels like we are in cinderella, snowhite times feels good!!!Recommend

  • H

    totalllly accurate, but i gotta admit, those shoes are adorable :pRecommend

  • DocintheHouse

    Now now lets not call it attention seeking, the british royals KNOW how to celebrate their events. If they believe the baby’s worth all this excitement then well…its fair. If the other royal families follow orthodox means, then its purely up to them…hardly a reason to criticize! and i dont see any hype in Pakistan. No posters, adverts nothing out there. FB & twitter full of political & religious criticism really…total misconception.Recommend

  • DGH

    The difference between the royal baby and all the other babies that were born that day is that most of the others will do something useful with their lives while the Royal is just another parasite.Recommend