Jahaiz, destroying families one wedding at a time

Published: February 27, 2013

Where, I wonder, does their ego go when they ask for a heap of things that become a prerequisite for marriage to those girls? PHOTO: FILE

The absurdity of the dowry norm, commonly known as jahaiz, prevalent in our society has long been debated. I did not realise the gravity of the issue until recently when my father’s cousin had to sell off his shop — the sole source of income for his family — to arrange the jahaiz for his daughter.

The girl is now happily married to a financially stable guy but her family back home is finding it hard to survive.

Her mother, who started sewing clothes to earn a living, has developed an eye illness that cannot be treated due to the treatment’s high costs. Her other daughters are too young to earn on their own.

Bear in mind, the cost of the jahaiz excludes the actual cost of the wedding, the clothes, the food and the arrangements. Can your parents, at their age, handle such extravagant demands for one daughter let alone those who have five?

Were the bedroom set, the flat-screen TV, fridge, microwave, cutlery and the thousand other things given in her jahaiz worth it, when all of those things were already present in the groom’s house?

When guys are rishta-hunting for their perfect brides, all of them boast about how rich they are and how they will provide the girls with a luxurious life. Where, I wonder, does their ego go when they ask for a heap of things that become a prerequisite for marriage to those girls?

Why do they demand, even if implicitly, for things that will remain packed and unused in their homes for ages?

The parents of one of my friends outright refused to marry off their daughter when the family of the guy she was engaged to demanded a lot of jahaiz. That seems like the right approach, but unfortunately is not very practical in our society.

Most of the parents would want their girls to get married as soon as they hit the age of 20. Most of them are afraid of not finding another potential rishta after sending one off.

“Will my daughter find someone as rich and decent as this guy?”

“If we refuse to give jahaiz, will the groom’s family consider us poor and lowly?”

They stress and fears play into a ‘compromise’ on the jahaiz, albeit by taking extreme steps.

At the end of the day, the jahaiz becomes a status symbol.

“Thank God, they were able to pull off a decent jahaiz for their daughter” was my mother’s sigh-of-relief response after my cousin got married.

The groom’s family definitely didn’t take the maika for being ‘poor’ but arranging for the jahaiz left them in tatters in real life.

A new Pakistani serial “Miratul Uroos” highlights this issue in an episode where the groom asks for a new car as part of his jahaiz, and his father-in-law pleads and says the family cannot afford one. Thus, the custom of jahaiz applies even today and is very relevant in all strata of our society.

This has to end.

While the generation before us has kept this nonsensical norm alive, the responsibility for its end lies with the generation which has reached the ‘marriageable age’. Boys should take pride in the money they earn and should stop their parents from demanding jahaiz from girls – and the girls should also take a firm stand against it.

If the families are not willing to talk about it, then the couple should clear out the issue with each other before getting into a serious relationship. Cancelling a marriage at the last minute because the one you want to marry cannot produce enough material commitment can be extremely traumatising.

The families that can afford an ‘up to par’ jahaiz should also refrain from the practice, with exception to giving gifts to their daughters. The gifts, if very expensive, should be kept a secret so that others, who cannot spend the same amount of money for their daughters, do not feel obliged to indulge in practices like taking loans which they end up trying desperately to pay off their entire lives.

The practice of giving away jahaiz is outrageous and outdated. When a girl gets married, the only items that need to go with her to the groom’s house should only include her toothbrush, her clothes, her fashion accessories and maybe her favourite pillow.

Do you approve or disapprove of the practice of jahaiz?

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ema.anis

Ema Anis

The social media editor for the web desk at The Express Tribune. She tweets @twitter.com/EmaAnis

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Parvez

    An important topic and handled very well by you. What you have suggested and said in the end is so sensible and so true but injecting sense into societies age old practices is very difficult if not impossible. Your suggestion that its the young couple who should put their foot down, then may be we may see some chang, makes sense.
    I am no authority on this but I feel its the two mothers on both sides who need to be tamed.Recommend

  • http://www.leftsideoftherightbrain.blogspot.com.au Jamaluddin

    A very nice write up. I am a guy and I totally condemn the practice of dowry. Recommend

  • Nobody

    It’s sexist and archaic practices such as this one that ruin what marriage is actually supposed to be and instead turn it into a ‘life and death’ game in which all value is placed on material possessions and monetary wealth. It’s plain and simple beyghairty to accept furniture and other free goods from someone and yet it’s the bride’s family labeled ‘poor’ or ‘lowly’ if they don’t provide such things; things they are in no way obligated to provide in any civilized society.
    Anything more than a couple of gifts for the girl (and the guy as he is also getting married) is excessive.
    A cousin of mine in Pakistan went through something similar about a year ago
    Fortunately, this practice is more or less extinct among Pakistanis settled in the US (don’t know about Pakistanis elsewhere). Girls need to put their foot down if they ever want the wheels of progress to start turning. Recommend

  • Maria

    My mother is Pashtun and comes from KPK where there is no custom of “jehaiz”. If anything, my father’s family had to pay for almost everything! My relatives in Upper Punjab also do not practice jehaiz (expenses are shared) so I don’t know where you get your information about how common this practice is? I know that this custom is still prevalent in Karachi among Urdu speaking Muhajirs who brought this custom from India. I saw the drama you mentioned in which the characters were supposed to be Urdu speaking migrants too. I think we ignore that a large section of Pakistan’s native people for whom jehaiz is not only outrageous but it never existed at all.Recommend

  • SK5

    I’ve made it very clear to my parents that I will not ask of any jahaiz from my future wife. I’ve got a great job and take pride in standing on my own two feet, I’m not greedy to ask my future in-laws for stuff that I just don’t need. I urge all families not to burden themselves of this waistful spending, such money should be used to give girls better higher education and skills so that they can build carrers for themselves which in the long term will be more beneficial. This change in mentality should come from men who need to be more vocal about opposition to jahaiz.Recommend

  • Kanwal

    no pakistani men are going to like this blog lady. in the middle class, they generally expect to be married to a girl who brings stability to their lives, specially in arranged marriages. And a huge amount of burden goes to the mothers of the groom too. Why cant she put herself in the bride’s family’s shoes? even when they have their own daughters to marry off, they are still expectant of their daughter in law to fill their own house, have some property and of course the more the gold the better for their son. This is a rotten custom. Completely against our religion too. Recommend

  • Hamza

    Yes!! That’s true…
    Even my own cousin who was my intimate friend, was married on the condition of buying them a house …
    And i could not do anything …..Recommend

  • Humanity

    Thus, the custom of jahaiz applies even today and is very relevant in all strata of our society.
    This has to end.

    END GREED !!!

    What is Greed?

    Greed is inordinate love of material things and an unbalanced desire for more earthly possessions. A greedy person cherishes things more than he cherishes people or relationships.

    “It’s never enough, I gotta have more” is the motto of the ugly sin called greed. Like its sister sin, gluttony, greed is a drive to consume for the sheer pleasure of consuming without regard to moderation.

    Faces of Greed

    Hoarding things for the sake of hoarding is a form of greed. So is buying things you don’t need just for the sake of possessing them. Greed is also the act of taking more than your fair share in order to hurt others: it says “I’m better than you because I have more; you can’t have it because I already have it.”

    In short, greed is amassing material goods for the sheer pleasure of accumulating.

    Why is Greed a Mortal Sin?

    There are several reasons why greed is considered a deadly sin.

    Greed is a sign of mistrust. It is an expression of doubt that God will provide all that you need. It is disbelieving Jesus when He promises that God will provide everything you need (Luke 12:22-31).
    Greed promotes crime. More crimes have been committed due to greed than any other deadly sin. Greed drives people to steal, lie, and even kill in order to acquire more wealth and worldly possessions.
    Greed is the pinnacle of selfishness. Greed ruins marriages, destroys friendships, and divides families all in the selfish pursuit of gratifying one’s self. Greed is the opposite of charity, generosity and love. Greed disregards all others and puts falsely high importance on the self: it is a form of self-worship.

    Overcoming Greed with Generosity

    Greed can be overcome by practicing generosity and gratitude. Recognizing that only a finite number of things are needed in order to live, and to live well is a step toward overcoming greed.

    Limiting the number of things you accumulate and being grateful and appreciative of what you have can put an end to greed; so can giving freely of both your time and possessions.

    Another Antidote to Greed: Detachment

    Detachment is a discipline that helps people recognize that there is a limit to what material goods can do for them, and it puts material goods in their proper place after people and relationships.

    Detachment allows people to let go of their excess. Detachment assists with generosity; it helps those recovering from greed to stay the course. After practicing generosity and giving possessions away, detachment helps people to overcome the urge to accumulate more in order to replace what was given away.

    http://suite101.com/article/the-third-deadly-sin-greed-a110387Recommend

  • S.F.Ali

    Good one…..Now a day if someone denies taking it, bride’s family takes it as insult not to give jahaiz to their daughter.Recommend

  • Working Woman

    Exactly my thoughts. I wish my groom share the same too. Recommend

  • The Khan

    This practice is mostly prevalent in migrants from India.
    No such thing occurs among Pathans. Recommend

  • Close_enough

    @Kanwal:
    But i really like this blog and of the same opinion as the writer. We the young people have to stop this Indian imported tradition. Recommend

  • Afshan Shaikh

    I wish it was the way the writer has composed it to be. But that is not true in our society and people, who live in the comparison complex and use this as an excuse for status symbol. More than Urdu speaking people, in Punjab jahaiz is a curse rather than custom and people are not breaking out if it. The minute a girl is born she is considered as a burden, because of their mind set.
    I wish we practised Islam the way it had to be and didnt mix Hindu idelogies. The Arabs have evolved but they refute dowry practised in the Subcontinent muslims , infact Mahr is suppose to be more important , than being ignored at the time of Nikkah. Educated women should make a change, otherwise we will end up in the pre jahiliya time as this custom will worsen by time.Recommend

  • gp65

    @Close_enough: “@Kanwal:
    But i really like this blog and of the same opinion as the writer. We the young people have to stop this Indian imported tradition.

    The motivation to stop the practice should be that it is wrong, leads to son preference and devaluation of the girl child among other things NOT tha it is borrowed from India.Recommend

  • http://burjor@arcopassociates.com Burjor

    Better to go back to the caves.Recommend

  • Qasim

    I had an arranged marriage recently and I refused to take any sort of jaheiz (whatsoever) although there was so much pressure from my parents and in-laws to take it.

    I think its against a man’s self-respect and ego. I did this also because I knew that 5-10 years down the line I would realise that it was not worth it.

    Believe me guys, I know its difficult to say no because everyone assumes that its a must, but you have to take a stand and feel proud about it. It also gives you so much respect and you can always keep your head high.

    Happy marrying…Recommend

  • doom

    @The Khan:
    Errr, Pakistan is not made up of just “migrants” and Pathans. There is for example another group called “Punjabi’s” you may have heard of and a few others.

    Only the Pathan are different with their “reverse-jahaiz” where it seems like the boys family buys the girl. Basically there should be no exchanges of possessions. The guy should wait till he can afford a wife then get wife. If he can’t afford wife, consider marrying a working woman so you can pool incomes and afford a home together. Just like every other place on Earth…Recommend

  • Awais Khan

    Indeed a good effort made by author to write such a prudent piece of text. As per my observation, Jahaiz is a trend, custom, norm or value which was set earlier and being biggest follower of the century we are following this insane and absurd trend. I would like to summarize the bone of contention which could help our hapless society in wiping it out. There are four categories of people and observations how do they do for their daughter/sisters,
    Elite: They don’t bother and it doesn’t matter for them what they are giving to their daughter.
    Middle High: They can arrange it but with financially tightness for next couple of months but they try to give as much as given by Elite.
    Middle Low: They often sell their assets or sometimes the only source of income to fulfill this desire of prestige and think that if we give less than Middle High then “log kia kahain gay”(what people will say) .
    Poor: They don’t bother with it at all.

    So if we really want to eradicate this creepy custom from our society then elites ought to be the first rain drop to stop giving their daughters. And consequently it will be shifted to the classes down.Recommend

  • Milind

    @Close_enough / The Khan.

    Hopefully you eliminate this ‘Indian’ practice and stop at that.. Please don’t replace it with the Saudi practice of boy paying the girl.. In which case the girl’s parents get greedy while seeking dowry and price them out of the market…Net result is the same…

    On a sidenote – You seem to be jumping between 2 stools (Indian and Saudi) as far as cultural practices are concerned… Better let them go off and stand on the one that is yours, once you figure what that is….Recommend

  • Khawar

    I heard over in Tibet, a Guy gives all his sheep he has been herding since he was a kid to her bride’s father to get his daughter’s hand in marriage. Funny World isn’t it :DRecommend

  • Stranger

    Actually dowry is most misunderstood .Its a custom to give something to the grooms family from the bride’s side. Of course its true that today most of the groom’s side demand a lot of nonsense. Customs and rituals are made for our wellbeing . Please dont say anything negative about the system as such. Its a different and sad thing that today many are misusing it .Recommend

  • Parvez

    @Close_enough: Just to add to your knowledge this also exists in Korean society and possibly in many others as well. So this practice should be done away with because it is simply wrong.Recommend

  • ab

    yes very good write. many man will condemn it but at the end of the day will not mind taking whatever the inlaws gives even if they know it is much above their means. very selfish practise on our part. secondly marriage should be made easy on both the parties so we can eradicate many evils in our society.Recommend

  • doom

    @Awais Khan:
    Quite right. In general the rich can stop molly-coddling their children. Daughters (and Sons) from rich and upper middle families presumably with education and all, should be made responsible for their own finances. And be made responsible for setting up their own homes post-marriage. Why should parents (from either side) provide anything? Recommend

  • Imran

    All of us seem to be against dowry. We call it an abuse & curse. But when our own time comes, we simply seal our lips.Recommend

  • I am a Khan

    @Maria:
    @The Khan:

    I am shocked at you guys racist comments targeting the Urdu Speaking community on this issue. For your information the urdu speaking community is a 5 to 7% minority of the pakistani population. If this problem of Dowry was only their problem, then it would not be a concern for the majority of Pakistanis. But the truth is that this problem is common in most communities in pakistan from Punjabis, Sindhis, Urdu Speakers, Kashmiris, etc. For your information my family which is an urdu speaking family and most other urdu speaking families we know do not have this issue of dowry. So please keep this as a national problem which it is, rather than being racist and making it a one community problem only, which it is not. Recommend

  • madiha gillani

    i am sorry to say that, u havent done ur homework properly on this issue.
    firstly the drama u r refering to, highlights the fact dat it was given on girl’s demand from her parents.
    secondly why our religion says marriages should be made in between people of same status that is because these gaps can never be filled.
    and girls please sto living in fantasies…if somebody is asking u for this much in the begining of a relationship, how r u going to fulfil these demans later on…because its not need its their khuwaish and needs might be fulfiled but the desires can never be fulfiled, they keep increasing.
    plus even being a girl i m sorry to say….education hasnt done anything positive in our society so far because we are earning education and we are not getting it.
    its a girl who is going to object on wat she wants in her life….and i even saw the brides famill giving token of wedding in the form of gold jewellery to grooms family.
    wat is this we are doing.
    its not going to take us any where !!Recommend

  • Clarus

    I’m completely against Jahaiz. But you should also take up that bride and her parents should stop forcing the guy and his parents to give the bride expensive barat/walima and other 30+ something Joras. Barat / Walima dresses costs minimum 1 lakh each and those 30+ joras cost minimum 25k each which easily becomes 10 lakh expense for the guy. And one month down the marriage the wife says all these dresses are old fashioned and she wants to buy new dresses. The problem of Jahaiz will last as long as Girls parents keep making their daughters marriage more of a financial transaction by turning down proposals of less financially stable guys/families and hoping to land their daughter into rich families. And once they succeed to land them in to rich families then they have to do everything to meet their standards as nothing in life comes for free as its always a give and take thing. When you expect the guy to buy your daughter a 5 lakh barat Jora then in return don’t forget to buy the Groom a Rolex.Recommend

  • Pakistanian

    Where is my Rolex?!!!Recommend

  • Muhammad Aftab Khan

    Same practice should be done in regard of haq Mehr..Recommend

  • Muhammad Aftab Khan

    Same Practice should be done in regard of “Haq Mehr”.Recommend

  • Yuri Kondratyuk

    @Close_enough:

    We the young people have to stop this Indian imported tradition.

    Well, India also tolerates religious/ethnic/cultural diversity and is a pretty stable democracy. Why didn’t you young people import these Indian traditions instead?!Recommend

  • Quratulain

    @Maria: you need to research on this topic beyond your personal family. its very much there in
    punjab as I am from punjab myself. Itis not only expected of the Bride’s family, it is also asked for Recommend

  • Historian 1

    Pakistanis follow angrez for the mode of education, arabs for the religion and hindooz for the dowry culture. Sad, we are still (a crowd of) followers.Recommend

  • Singh

    Lot of commentator write that it is Indian custom which is Indian sub-continent custom. remember Pakistan carved out in 1947 & this custom did not start after 1947. It is been here since ages.
    Hey guys if you are against it don’t take (Like I did 23 year ago. My only condition was that I will bring cloth & jewelry for my wife & she will depart in same from her parent home.) Set your own example to others. If your parent insist then tell them, you want to take care of your wife like your father doing for your mom or family.
    Like I always say practice before you preach.
    I hope some of you have courage to do it in practical way & set example for other to follow. It is only way we can get rid this cancer of Indian sub-continent. Recommend

  • Sterry

    @I am a Khan: Jehaiz is not a problem for most Pakistanis because people tend to marry within their own socio economic status and province – So if peoiple are marrying among their own kind, there is no unatural expectation of money changing hands. The problem does not exist at all in Baluchistan or KPK becuse the groom’s family is traditionally the ones who pay for wedding expenses. I think you have been watching too many Indian movies so are making up an issue which has little importance in Pakistan.Recommend

  • mani

    There is no concept of dowry in Islam and this could seen in Hazrat Ali (R.A) and Hazrat Fatima(R.A) marriage. It’s a Indian custom and our religious leaders should focus on these everyday problems instead wasting time on useless things. Women(mothers and groom’s sisters) must be target group because once they reject it, it will be finishedRecommend

  • Another Khan

    @The Khan:
    Oh yes it does.Recommend

  • Ss

    My husband refused to take any jahez although my parents could have afforded a real gud one but now from my in laws I often get hidden hints of taunt for not gettin any..they r always bragging about how much they had given to their daughters..its actually hard to change the mindset of older ppl no matter how anti jahaiz they pretend to be..Recommend

  • http://yahoo Abdul

    Goverment should add “Jahaiz” in Corruption and Terrorist Act.Recommend

  • Zara

    Nicely written!
    Im also against dowry but just want to add a thing that girl & their families greed is also making the whole situation much worst.Marriage is a muqadas relationship,if on one side groom’s family asking for Jahaiz then why bride’s family always approaching towards a “Ameer” larka.
    Greed is on both sides!Recommend

  • Agarwal

    From the Wikipedia page on the dowry system (“India before European influence

    Dowry was not a part of the Indian marriage before European influence crept into the society. The earliest example of Europeans practicing the dowry in India, the case of Mumbai, which was presented as part of the dowry when Princess Catherine de Braganza of Portugal was married to King Charles II in 1661.[37] The native population disliked practicing dowry, as they believed that this would lead “obliged to buy them husbands”. Writes Alex Knox, when addressed to David Doig, Lord Provost of Montrose,[38][39]“As I observed before, their marriages are all conducted by the parents during the parties infancy, the expence of this ceremoney, which is considerable according to the ranks of the persons married, is always from the bridegroom’s family, nor is it customary to give any fortunes with their daughters, because it should not be said they were obliged to buy them husbands, for this custom it seems they despise the Europeans very much.”)

    I would request Pakistani readers on here who have made this a statement of taking “unislamic hindooooo” practice to understand that dowry is just as unrelated to the Hindu ‘religion’ as it is to Islam, as you suggest – it is in fact a societal practise that has found its way from many sources and has its generic roots in male chauvinism and patriarchy and thus seen in many civilisations across the globe.Recommend

  • S.F.Ali

    @ Zara: very well said….want to recommend that 10 times :pRecommend

  • http://affanaali.worrdpress.com affan ali

    Sensitive Issue, brilliantly took up.
    I, myself is not in favor of the dowry system, but there are many real life experiences which were shared by my circle in finding brides for their sons were shocking. A girl’s father asking the “to be” groom family about the their status such as what car you have and of which model,how big is your house, does your son have his own transport, if yes, is it a 2 wheeler or 4,how much your son earns, does he has his own residence or is he live in his parent’s house. The NRPs (non-resident Pakistanis) always try to get the Groom back to the land where their daughters were brought up, coz their daughters cannot adjust in Pakistani environment.In an incident where the girl’s father asked the boy that his daughter’s monthly expense is round about 30k will he be able to afford it. In our society there exist a class who force their sons to study to the extent coz the higher he study the the greater n expensive will be the return in terms of dowry.

    if these sort of demands are put up by one party then why not the other party make them re-pay?

    It can only be avoided if both the parties withdraw their demands and try their best to look for a simpler and long lasting relationship for their beloved.Recommend

  • Omer

    @Maria: How come you moderators allow such anti mohajir comments and block rebuttle?
    Good job moderatorsRecommend

  • afza siddiqui

    i quite agree with the author’s idea but there is one more aspect that i would like to share.one of my aunt got married few years back and her husband refused to take anything in dowry .though my relatives and family insisted to take those things which were kept ready for her and later on were presented as gifts rather than dowry.he did provide my aunt with a nice bedroom set but when u have to run a “girhasti” u do need quite a lot of essential things.though my aunt went in a combined family set up but whenever she needed to use her mother-in-law’s washing machine,sewing machine or even the dinner set she had to come across frowns from the mother in law as she was using HER’s things which has been quite embarrassing for my aunt.so whats the point of not taking jahaiz if he couldnt provide her those things or atleast convince his mother to show a big heart.so practically i think there should be moderation nd no extravaganza and show off but if the girl’s family can afford a few things for her personal usage then that should be ok.whats say? Recommend

  • danny boy

    @Maria: Are you saying that the tradition of Jahaiz does not exist in Punjab? think again….your exposure is limited just to your family it seems …. maybe its time for you to open your eyes to the real world …im just saying…. Recommend

  • Singh

    Crying out loud. Where is my comment?
    You guys hate me or what?Recommend

  • ioer

    Ban jahaiz!Recommend

  • Insaan

    “Will my daughter find someone as rich and decent as this guy?” “If we refuse to give jahaiz, will the groom’s family consider us poor and lowly?”

    Rich and DECENT guys don’t need any Jahaiz.
    Start a society “Muslims against Jahaiz”.

    Any one who becomes a member will agree to not give or take Jahaiz. If some one takes it for some reason, they will don’t an equal amount to a Charity.Recommend

  • Ali Baba

    @afza siddiqui:
    I totally agree with you. You have provided a moderate solution. Living in extremes can make it difficult to create peace and balance in life. If we want to make a difference, we should be prepared to change our lifestyle.Recommend

  • Ali Baba

    @Yuri Kondratyuk:
    Well, India also tolerates religious/ethnic/cultural diversity

    Religious and ethnic tolerance? INDIA?

    Historically the whole region was India. Pakistanis & Indians are made of the same hardware and software (firmware). Only different applications are installed in our storage.Recommend

  • Ali Baba

    @Maria:
    Please excuse immediately. Otherwise there will be a shutter down strike in Karachi & Hyderabad.

    @Qasim:
    You are a cheetah.Recommend

  • quantum

    @Maria:

    Please let me tell enlighten you with a comment, which many might consider a racist one, Pashtun is not a culture, it is tribal social structure. Women are treated like inanimate object and they are treated as second class citizen in Pukhtan social structure. It would be unwise for you to talk about Mohajirs, if they didn’t migrate to Pakistan with their skill sets, Pakistan would have been nascent failed state in the 50s socially. Also “dowry” is a south Asian problem, this practice exists in Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, Nepal, Sri lanka, Maldives, Burma. This is a social issue plaguing many countries. In some its pervasive in others little less, but exists in all the countries I mentioned.Recommend

  • khan of quetta

    @Omer:
    what muhajir afghan burman uighur uzbek somalian indian chechan bosnian pakistan has all of the mentioned which one are you talking about?Recommend

  • khan of quetta

    jahaiz is a tradition of the indianized ethnic groups in pashtun regions the male has to bear expenses even in pahari regions jahaiz is almost miniscuel Recommend

  • MAG

    This is totally wrong means is that suites one to ask from jahaiz especially from those who can’t afford to give. If Holy prophet S.A.W has forbade us not to give too many of jahaiz then who we are to demand for more? Still we are living in backward areas where one doesn’t wants to get married but money. Recommend

  • Insaan

    @mani: It’s a Indian custom and our religious leaders should focus on these everyday problems instead wasting time on useless things.

    Many Arabs men do temporary marriages because they can’t afford to pay dowry demanded by girl’s families. Is that an Indian custom too? Stop blaming India for your problems. Hindus don’t eat beef. How many Pakistanis follow that “custom” Recommend

  • haha

    Its funny to say that that the Guy should not expect jahaiz from the family of girl but on the other hand expected to spend more than a million on the jewelery and bridal wears. WHY because “it is considered as the right of the girl”
    On top of it the guy is also expected to spend half a million on another expectation of Thailand/Malaysia honeymoon.

    Then the girl’s parents insist the guy to live independently cuz girls have issues with in laws – those expenses would also be born by Guy

    if the Girl’s family is so poor and cannot afford Jahaiz, they shouldn’t expect gold, bridal wears, honeymoon, independent home, separate car, etc from the guy. Recommend

  • Aqsa Jafri

    I didn’t let my parents overload my sister with jahaiz when she got married off and hats off to the groom’s family they didn’t want anything either. The only expense we did incur was the wedding day arrangements, clothes and dinner for around 600 guests. Even that’s a lot, I am sure for most people.
    My husband completely declined every offer of jahaiz from my parents, he said ‘ All she needs to bring is her tooth brush and clothes that she can wear rest is my responsibility’.
    I was married off in a very simple wedding with only 100 guests, my bridal was not exclusively designer wear but still made me look beautiful and elegant. I actually didn’t take anything with me but some clothes, some jewelry that was mine as I started buying things when I earned on my own and yes my tooth brush.
    Unfortunate as it is! this stupid Dowry ritual is one of the ugly traces of Indian culture in our society. Islamic teaching has nothing to say about Dowry but yes you can bless the bride and groom with prayers an gifts. That too if you can then you may…Recommend

  • Aqsa Jafri

    @Yuri Kondratyuk:
    oh really !! India tolerates ‘Ethnic diversity’ do you really want me to start on the history of riots in India based exclusively on ethnic ground ….. 1991 or 2004 or should we go way back to 1984 ??? Dont think you need a reminder do youRecommend

  • Yuri Kondratyuk

    @Aqsa Jafri:
    India is a country that speaks 400 odd languages and thousands of cultures and sub-cultures. Compare that to amount of ethnic/sectarian violence in a relatively monolithic Pakistan and you will understand my point. Also, the number of victims per 100 for the population of each country will be quite revealing.Recommend

  • mind control

    @Close_enough:

    We the young people have to stop this Indian imported tradition.

    If you could stop Basant, there is no reason why you have not stopped this.

    May be it is not an ‘import’ after all.Recommend

  • About to be married

    One has to be really Besharam/BEGHAIRAT to be DEMANDING dowry. Going to be married later this year, i have explicitly forbidden the bride’s family for any dowry whatsoever. Alhamdolillah, my parents were also very supportive of my decision.Recommend

  • Waqas Khan

    Hi, i want to add some thing here.I am not in favour of jahaiz but now a days i saw another trend in our society.At the time of Rishta or nikkah the girl side they are demanding to much as a (security) for her.What does that mean.If a Guy who is going to marry dont have enough ways to pay what he can do or what he ll.the problem is after all this i dont think that there ll be any love between them because the boy ll be worried that he ll pay if he lose her and the girl will think i am secure So there ll be only the money relation not the love relation.Not only the jhaiiz but this is also a reason that many girls sitting in their homes unmarried.
    Guys please don’t think about society what they are doing we have to play our role.if i am right maybe some one else as seen to me get the right path.Recommend

  • http://indiantve.com/ rulomaa

    This is a really thinking word dowry which creates problem in every culture so always MoreRecommend

  • http://indiantve.com/ rulomaa

    Its really great MoreRecommend