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Lighting candles for the Delhi gang rape changes nothing

Lighting candles for the Delhi gang rape changes nothing

Will your maid not get raped by her father-in-law because you are protesting in India?

Anjali Ghosh January 25, 2013

I've been following, yet intentionally trying to ignore this entire circus surrounding me.

People have been demanding justice, in terms of the death penalty, for those six rapists’ for weeks now.

Close friends, relatives, acquaintances have been debating, protesting, discussing, showing anger blah dee blah.

Amidst all of this, I fail to understand a few very simple things.

Have we been completely blind to the endless rape and assault cases that are reported in the paper every single day for decades?

Are we oblivious to the slave-like state of Indian women outside the 1% city girls?

How does the torture of one girl become more brutal than the torture of hundred others every week?

The amount of energy spent on debating, watching television broadcasts, attending protests, and discussing these issues is almost amusing.

Is this slowly becoming the latest trend with the Indian educated masses?

Is this hypocritical?

Live an empty life and then in our need to show we care, we succumb to "let's protest peacefully" in front of a government who everyone knows doesn’t really care.

Last year the same 'Halla' happened for Anna Hazare and Anti-Corruption drama.

What happened to that?

Today, (as expected) we have all forgotten about it, and moved on with our lives bribing traffic cops away to glory. Would you allow the cop to give you a challan because you skipped the red light while chatting on the phone, without bothering to buckle the seat belt?

I beg to differ.

Okay, instead of deviating on how futile the whole corruption drama last year was, let's focus on the current street show.

The same candle light vigils, the same protests, the same slogans, and the same people too perhaps. Aren't all protests at the end of the day politically motivated?

I don’t know.

Furthermore, mind you, I don't question the intentions of the Indian population, and the frustration is understandable. We all know you care! However, instead of blaming and begging the government to change things for them, how many of us have actually done something about anything?

A simple yet common example would be, we all have maids working in our homes - has anyone ever ventured to ask if they are ill treated in their households? You'd be surprised to hear their stories.

Almost all of our maids/female workers/girls on the street will share the same stories of domestic violence at the hands of drunken husbands, women earning and husbands gambling, childhood rape, education being sacrificed, dowry, early marriages and so on.

Do we have any interest in helping people who need real help?

Do we actually care?

Does your maid getting raped by her father-in-law become less traumatising than what another girl would go through?

Instead of taking a trip to India gate, why not visit the villages surrounding our rich localities where all of our workers live and actually ask poor women if they are treated right? Use our so called ‘high level’ contacts, which usually help us get out of a drunk-driving situation to instead ensure safety of helpless girls, and save them from torture. This is just one thing out of a million little things that can be done to make things better.

Changing the law is just a farce, with people trying to be part of a fancy big cause.

The real cause is all around us. The death penalty of the six men may be a symbolic gesture, but does it even remotely affect the root of the problem?

People have to start changing things around themselves, instead of shouting and begging the government to change things for them. The issue isn't the law; the issue is the Indian mindset.

Would you ever give your driver/cleaner/sabjiwala a tight slap for misbehaving with his wife? How different is he from the men who raped that girl? Aren't ordinary men roaming the streets possible of heinous crimes as culpable as done by the six?

Aren't they to understand that women are not slaves, starting right from the sati period, to villages in rural India, where one woman is shared by all the men of the household as an object, where girls sacrifice their education so the brother can study, or where girls are raped and burned because of inadequate dowry?

Instead of adopting the typical sheep mentality and shouting slogans, a small effort on our part by taking matters in our hands may go a long way. It may be successful in saving a girl's life tomorrow - from becoming a victim of molestation/assault/sexual abuse.

How difficult is it to spread education to the ones around you?

How difficult is it to make people understand the right from wrong?

Sexual abuse is ghar ghar ki kahani (every household’s story) in India, and we're all aware of that. Or are we not?

Too bad Kasab was caught before this new found trend caught up - we all missed out on another opportunity to light some candles, shout some slogans on a boring Sunday.

On the bright side, at least some poor candle makers are able to feed their family.

So maybe not all is lost!

Follow Anjali on Twitter @anjaliighosh

WRITTEN BY:
Anjali Ghosh A legal graduate of Cardiff University, who loves to travel and write. She tweets @anjaliighosh

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.

COMMENTS (32)

Rex Minor | 11 years ago | Reply GP65, I do not blame you defening your former country and putting forwad so many valid arguments. You are not on trial nor the whole world is being addressed in this article. This article deals with the situation in India and this blog is not registering many comments from Indian women. Take the religion out of it and pretend that India is inhabited by people who have no faith nor any culture or social laws. The name Hindu was given to the natives of India by the muslim invaders, says SAVARKAR, and Indians by the British invaders say the anglo saxons. Who are these pepole who accoring to Mr Jinnah muslms do not interdine or intermarry and in my observation do not shake hands with other humans. Yet they have suddenly exploded out of proportion and committing sadistic and crue sex orgies against their own women, and here I am not referring to their crimes in gujrat or kashmir against muslim women. No I am talking about their practice against their own folks. this has to be dealt with and will be dealt with. Rex Minor

gp65 | 11 years ago | Reply @Rex Minor: you continue to drag religion in when I am trying to keep it out since patriarchy is part of the local culture in India and Pakistan and nothing to do with the dominant religion in either country. In dhabas in Delhi, there maybe truck drivers who criticize girls for moving around in skirts and unescorted after 8:00 pm. Such criticism at least makes one thing clear i.e. women do wear skirts and do move around unescorted after 8:00 pm. How many women will you find in Pakistan metros freely moving around unescorted in skirts after 8:00 pm? In Pakistan in a school in Rawalpindi girls in their school uniform were attacked by 60 people with iron rods because they were not dressed with appropriate modesty. Meena Bazaar was bombed because women used to come to market unescorted despite warnings. 600 plus girls schools have been blown up in KP and FATA because TTP believes that girls should not be educated. As for rape the laws of your country (yes you claim to be a foreigner but clearly are a Pakistani Pashtoon) favour the oppressor rather than the victim. On top of that there are honour killings and your ministers support it, there are rapes and forcible conversion and no actions are taken, there are acid attacks which are growing by the day. All these are facts but unlike you who bring my religion into this, I have not and will not drag Islam into this because this has nothing to do with Islam and everything to with patriarchy. Yes there is underreporting of rape in India due to the shame associated with rape. But there is far greater underreporting of rape in Pakistan because apart from the social shame, the laws too are against the victim. Against 30% conviction rate for rape in India (which is also low) , Pakistan just has 1%. Sadly both in Pakistan and India women do not enjoy equal rights and women in both places need to fight for them. In India at least the laws give them equal rights and they can go to the courts to enforce their rights. In Pakistan, apart from all ground level social discrimination that women may face, the laws themselves are tilted against the women be it Hudood laws, laws of inheritance, laws of evidence, no laws against domestic violence etc. So please treat this as a humanitarian issue which should be fought by all humane people, instead of inserting religion and making it a partisan issue.

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Rex Minor | 11 years ago | Reply @gp65: Knowledge is a virtue! Hindu is the majority in India. You have listened to the woman police officer who has lived it in her life experience. Now visit BBC have your say program, and liste to the young Indian women who are daily facing Machos of the society, are married with children and are now being put under restriction by their husbands not to leave homes. Sexism is not the phenomina alone in India but it is also in the west, when men want to demonstrate their power. Nor are crimes against women and children. But sexual assaults and rapes is the reflection of hate which is imbedded in hindu culture and this was most probably known to Indian muslims who separated their majority area from the British colonial territory. Hence, the creation f Pakistan. In India it is the modern young women who in defiance of their traditional role of submission, have been at the receiving end of sexual assaults, suppressed and condoned by the political leaders and police officers. This is in Bharat culture but not in Indian constitution or laws per say. You could also see the ZDF, German TV report which shows the route from the city to the Delhi airport, and the coffee shops an small eating places, all of whom were men including police who criticise the victims because of leaving their houses after 8 in fancy dresses. Once you have seen this then we could talk Rex Minor

gp65 | 11 years ago | Reply @Rex Minor: Let me try again. I heard Kiran Bedi's interview. I have immense respect for her and she has been a role model for many Indian women as the first woman IPS officer in India. I agree with everything she says. She basically described the patriarchial society that India is which I have never denied. She also described that there many people who are working hard to change that. She however never talked about sati that you refer to or slavery of 99% women that this author talks about. COntrary to what this author said, Kiran Bedi thought that the outpouring in Delhi was a very good thing because it has given a signal to the politicians that BAU will no longer do. Where I disagree with you is when you make this about HIndu India. I disagree for 2 reasons: 1) India is not only inhabited by Hindus. This is why you were quite inaccurate when you took her indictment of politicians as that of Hindu politicians. As I mentioned in our earlier post, our PM and some of our top politicians are not Hindu. 2) Patriarchy is not limited to India. IT is highly prevalent in Pakistan also. In some areas Pakistan is worse off than India (greater gender gap in literacy, unfair inheritance laws, no laws for domestic violence, woman's testimony counting less than man) and in some cases India is worse of than Pakistan (female foeticide). Rapes are underreported in both countries. Thus rather than being complacent when a horrific incident occurs in the other country and using it as a basis for point scoring, people should focus on fixing the problems in their respective countries and share best practices where feasible.

Rex Minor | 11 years ago | Reply @gp65: Let me try agai if ET accepts my reply. Kiran Bedi on BBC hard talk show dated 18-01-2013. Google it, listen to it and make your own conclusions. The now retired senior woman police officer talks in her smart Indian style and relates about how and why and about those who are responsible for this unending rape culture because the police is still following 1871 colonial laws and report to politicians instead of to law. G20 include saudi arabia and Pakistan is ranked better than saudi arabia and rest is maths. Have a good day. Rex Minor

Another North Indian | 11 years ago | Reply Anjali We must pose as many questions and seek as many answers as needed to deal with this serious problem, but you will make a greater contribution by presenting your arguments in an Indian outlet where people have to read and discuss them.

Rex Minor | 11 years ago | Reply @gp65: Kiran Bedi on BBC Hard Talk show ated 18-1-2013; Google i, listen to it and make your own conclusion! The now retired senior woman police officer talks in her smart Inian style and relates about how and why and about those who are responsible for this never ending gang rape culture since the police is still following the 1871 colonial laws an report to politicians instead to Law. I am a foreign observer but should like to point out that the fact that muslims of Pakistan choose to separate from India was not based on economic or geographical reasons but solely due to the hindu culture which is based on caste system and reflects the inequality of women versus the machos men. Mr Jinnah could not therefore contemplate for all times a single nationality for muslims and hindus who have different religious philosophies, and opposing social cultures. Indian Govt. has taken certain actions in establishing more or less a universal democratic constitution which in many instances directly oppose hindu culture and hence the difficulties in implementing them. The symbolic presentation of non hindu officials that you mentioned, has little impact in the domestic arena. The non hinus in time will find ways to extricate themselves from the powerful hindu hold or perhaps alternatively fully assimilate and integrate with the majority. Saudi arabia is a member of the G20 and Pakistan official performance in woman rights is better than that of Saudi Arabia. The rest is maths. Rex Minor

gp65 | 11 years ago | Reply @Rex Minor: "Now you re tellng us it will take time. How many centuries you reckon are enough for an Indian woman to travel the time from Sati to Rape to be regarded as a human and equal?" Repeating lies does not make them true. The last episode of Sati in India was in 1980. That episode too created nationwide uproar precisely because even at that time Sati was considered the rarest of rare event. SO no we do not have to wait for centuries or decades or months or even a single day to ensure that the heinous practice of sati is eradicated from India because this has already happened. "In G20 Nations it is the last and behind Saudi Arabia and Pakistan." Pakistan is not a member of G20. "the institutionalised Rape system is now under attack which was fostered by the Indian hindu political leaders who control the police institutions under order not to register ‘Rapes’ per say as crimes for investigations." Let me tell you who the current Indian politicians are : PM = Sikh, defense minister = Christian, finance minister = atheist, foreign minister = Muslim. Your equation of India = Hindus does not stand the test of facts. Underreporting of rapes is a fact in most honour based societies which includes Pakistan. The fact that that Indian society is bent upon breaking the silence is a very good step. I am hoping that my Pakistani sisters also get similar support from their civil societies and laws such as those requiring testimony of 4 Muslim men as evidence for rape are scrapped from the Constitution.

Rex Minor | 11 years ago | Reply @Anoop: Not a soul was aware that hindu women were slaves like the african slaves who were brought over to work for the white settlers on their farms and in their household. Now you re tellng us it will take time. How many centuries you reckon are enough for an Indian woman to travel the time from Sati to Rape to be regarded as a human and equal? Rex Minor

Rex Minor | 11 years ago | Reply Anjali Ghosh, You are one of few which has taken the courage to pen, what the entire Indian media deliberately tried to hide abut the hindu culture of Bharat, not the caste system but the treatment of women in hinduism. In G20 Nations it is the last and behind Saudi Arabia and Pakistan. The lighting of the candles is not by any means a symbolic act. India has changed with its secular constitution and equal rights for men and women; the institutionalised Rape system is now under attack which was fostered by the Indian hindu political leaders who control the police institutions under order not to register 'Rapes' per say as crimes for investigations. The soul purpose was to keep low crime statistics. Your observation is being confirmed by German ZDF team who have visited the rural areas outside Delhi and discovered that this cuture is not new; what is new, however, is that young Indian women cannot take it anymore. indian Govt. is desperately trying to keep quiet on one hand and appointing muslims for the posts in the international areas will not work in isolation. It is planned so are the reports, that hunderds of offenders legislators name wil appear in the internet whose cases are pending for over 10 years. The sexual degradation of women in the Indian househol has now spelled out on the streets. This can no longer go on even it means of the intervention by the UNO. Rex Minor Rex Minor

Nobody | 11 years ago | Reply @haroon: Yeah because such crimes don't happen in Pakistan almost everyday as well...? This is no less relevant in India then it is here or elsewhere.

haroon | 11 years ago | Reply Keep plastering the tv screens with bollywood films and soaps. You want change? The media sector requires an overhaul... Oh wait, thats the medium your using to voice you op to a pakistani audience. How many indians read this? Oh Anjali, poor girl, we have our own problems, and rape definitely is up there, but kindly submit your piece to a local news webpage. Maybe you should write a piece on the injustices of the indian army towards kashmiri women

gp65 | 11 years ago | Reply "Are we oblivious to the slave-like state of Indian women outside the 1% city girls?" YEs India is a patriarchial society but you are the one who is oblivious if you think that 99% of women In India live in slave like condition. While you were not looking many changes have occurred : 1 million women are members of village panchayats. NEarly 40-50% of NREGA jobs go to women. The gender gap in literacy between men and women has shrunk from 22% to 16% and for school going kids this gender gaps does not even exist at primary level. There has been a significant push towards ensuring institutional delivery of kids thereby reducing maternal and infant mortality - both issues that affect women highly. A woman today is politically, educationally, economically and healthwise more empowered than her mother. HEr daughter will be even more empowered than her. "A simple yet common example would be, we all have maids working in our homes – has anyone ever ventured to ask if they are ill treated in their households?" In most households I know of, the ladies of the household have a fairly good communication with the maids/cooks etc. It is thus absolutely common place to be aware of what is going on with the maid's life and help her out when possible. "Would you ever give your driver/cleaner/sabjiwala a tight slap for misbehaving with his wife?" No. IT is a highly elitist mind who would even suggest such a thing. To think that we have a right to actually slap someone because they are economically subservient to us is absolutely atrocious. Forget slapping, no one I know even yells and screams at household help. They are treated as humans not slaves whom we own and can treat as we wish. You ask some rhetorical questions implying that no one is doing such things. Let me quote a couple "How difficult is it to spread education to the ones around you? How difficult is it to make people understand the right from wrong?" What makes you think that people are not already doing this? Or that if they were not already doing this, now that they are more sensitised on gender issues that they will not do that in the future? "Lighting candles for the Delhi gang rape changes nothing" Disagree. It must have sensitised many women who will now speak up if she is being eve teased (the euphemism for sexual harassment) instead of simply shrinking further and feeling humiliated. It may also have increased sensitivity of many men who may now speak up and support women being eve teased instead of ignoring the issue and being silent bystanders or blaming the woman for her fate for having committed the crime of stepping out of her home. The government has also got a signal and hopefully will improve policing review gender laws and make other steps to reduce the frequency of such events. "How does the torture of one girl become more brutal than the torture of hundred others every week?" Who said it was. Nirbhaya was a symbol just as Rosa Parks was. Such deep seated attitudes do not change in a day, week or even months. But one has to start somewhere by taking a stand.

Parvez | 11 years ago | Reply I thought the response of Delhi's civil society was strong and responsible. Your view that it is the societal mindset that needs to change is very right but this is a very long journey and as you know all journeys starts with a single step in the right direction. Creating a visible awareness is such a step. As for this appearing on the ET site, I commend the ET team because heinous crimes like this occur all to often in Pakistan with very little being done to address it and it is only by sharing that we become stronger.

Mano | 11 years ago | Reply @Zaid Hamid: So you mean to say there is no rape and ill treatment of women in Pakistan? This blog is as much relevant in Pakistan or anywhere else in the world as India.

Anoop | 11 years ago | Reply The Blacks didn't get back their rights in one day, over one event. Racism didn't disappear from American minds over a course of few months. It takes years to change a society and events that contribute to it matter. When you write an article, you write it in a certain perspective. Yes, status of women in India is bad, but dismissing even protests against violence against women alludes to a melancholy mind, hell bent on not seeing things for what it is.

gp65 | 11 years ago | Reply One more thing. My brother and I do not live in India but visit my parents regularly. Forget my Mom even my bhabhi and I know their maid and cooks's siblings and what they do. IT would be unthinkable not to take small gifts for the household help every time we visit. I have taught my cooks children (when I used to live in Mumbai) and my father teaches her grand kids now. Our maids over the years have been sent to vocational classs (tailoring, doing mehdi etc. so that they do not remain maids forever. Every single one was helped to open a bank account and taught how to operate a simple savings account. In short we treat them as humans not nameless beasts of burden and most people I know also treat their household help humanely. So your notion that we are oblivious to what goes on in the maids' lives is far from the truth. This is also the reason I was completely horrified at your suggestion that one could simply slap the driver or sabziwalla. Absolutely unthinkable!

gp65 | 11 years ago | Reply "Lighting candles for the Delhi gang rape changes nothing" I disagree. It contributes to a change in social mindset. This will not happen overnight but the social dialog that has occurred, has surely empowered some women who may speak or do something the next time they face eve teasing and made some men rethink their attitudes. Apathy on the other hand empowers status quo. In fact in response to this gangrape some Haryana khap panchayat put restriction on women's clothing (no more jeans). The women went to court and the court struck this down. "Are we oblivious to the slave-like state of Indian women outside the 1% city girls?" Yes, India is a patriarchial society. But slave like conditions? For 99% of Indian women? LAdy, looks like you are the one who is oblivious. And many changes have occurred while you were not looking. 1/3 of village panchayats members are women i.e. a million women are panchayat members. 40-50% of NREGA jobs go to women. The gender gap in literacy which used to be 22-24%in earlier decades has come down to 16%. What is even more heartening is that in current school age population, that gender gap no longer exists. There has been a huge push towards institutional deliveries in the last decade due to which maternal mortality and infant mortality have significantly declined. Women are slowly and gradually being empowered oplitically, economically, educationally and also healthwise. "Would you ever give your driver/cleaner/sabjiwala a tight slap for misbehaving with his wife?" No and doing so implies a highly elitist mindset. We don't even scream yell at our household/help, so going around slapping people seems absolutely atrocious. If you think it is okay to slap other people merely because they are economically subservient to you, you should reconsider your thought process, I would however question my brother/friends/colleagues if they used sexist language. I would question it if they treated me or any other woman condescendingly because of gender.

sensible | 11 years ago | Reply You are spot on! I am failed to understand the uproar in india on one rape, whereas in occupied Kashmir for the past 20 years hunderds of muslim women have been raped but one one ever condole those victims, isn't it pure hypocrisy of Indian society. PS. I fully condemn the Delhi gang rape incident.

Nandita. | 11 years ago | Reply One more thing : Protests after the delhi rape incident do NOT imply selective outrage. Condemning one rape does not mean you condone other rapes.Besides,Those protests were not for jyoti alone-they were for ALL the victims of such heinous crimes.

lawani | 11 years ago | Reply i added more to this that Pakistan face the same condition regarding domestic voilence, sexual arrassment insid and outside the houses.

Nandita. | 11 years ago | Reply Anjali Ghosh : I’ve been following, yet intentionally trying to ignore this entire circus surrounding me. Circus ? You call protests a circus ? Why don't you venture out and ask a rape victim how she views the protests. Ask her what a little bit of support and understanding does to her morale. I was feeling too lazy to type out a comment on this blog but this is my third one ! I guess I just can't understand how a woman could write this blog.

Nandita. | 11 years ago | Reply Public gatherings are a way of expressing outrage and grief. What's wrong with that ? It's a good way to make your voice heard and make the govt take notice. The common man doesn't always know what he can do to change the ground realities. ( Regarding your suggestions - Just FYI, Loads of women interact with their maid's,are aware of their family situation and help them financially ) I think a lot of people participate in these candlelight vigils because they feel the sheer number of protestors out on the street might force the govt out of inaction. I am not in India right now - but I've participated in protests earlier because of the reason I stated above. Someone on facebook recently shared a report about a judge in India who sentenced a rapist within 10 days of receiving a case. Why do you think he acted that fast? Don't you think public outrage and protests had something to do with it? As a woman - if I were ever in a similar situation ( Please God, let that never happen to me ) I would want people to support me and fight for me. I think a lot of victims will gain a lot of courage to speak out and move on with their lives because of these protests. The moral support from the public would reassure a victim and boost her morale - wouldn't it?

Gratgy | 11 years ago | Reply Does your maid getting raped by her father-in-law become less traumatising than what another girl would go through? A simple yet common example would be, we all have maids working in our homes – has anyone ever ventured to ask if they are ill treated in their households? No, But If she tells me I will surely help her out, but I will definitely not go around asking every maid "Does your father-in-law rape you?"

Nitish | 11 years ago | Reply How foolish .....Anjali your blog is discouraging and simply waste of time.....Can i sak you,why those people were protesting on the streets of delhi who have nothing to do with the victim?Why those girls(among protestor) were on the road and even lathi charged?Oh i forgot ..to setup a candle factory....What an insensitive blog....I just cant beleieve a woman has written something like this....

Nandita. | 11 years ago | Reply This is one of the most badly written blogs I've read in a long time. It's not the content alone but also the way it has been written and presented. I'm not a journalist or a writer so I'm probably not a good judge but as a reader I have certain expectations which your blog didn't meet. I have issues with so many of the things you wrote here but I don't have the patience to type out a lengthy comment. But I will say this - How does the torture of one girl become more brutal than the torture of hundred others every week? Umm, who said that ? Which circles have you been moving around in?

Irony-impaired? | 11 years ago | Reply @Indian: Except that you are Indian and you read it :) and really these issues are relevant to Pakistan too so it makes sense that ET published it. It's fairly obvious a lot of Indians are reading ET (and Dawn too). Credit to these papers for achieving that. I think its great that they are open like this and not showing any great anti-India bias. Indian papers (except maybe The Hindu) and other Pakistani news are not like this. Their biases make them un-readable by outsiders.

abhi | 11 years ago | Reply @author while theoratically your logic is good but if you stop people even from protesting or showing their anger against a crime, how situation is anyway going to improve. Saying that Anna Hazare's movement didn't do any good is also not correct, these types of protests have long term impact, I know many instaces where people insisted on giving right penalty rather than bribing the policeman. Similarly this protest against gang rape made so many people think about the misogynistic attitude of our society. Without the protests this would also have become one number as so many other cases. If these protests are not going to help then just becoming vigilante and start slapping your driver/sabjiwala is also not going to help.

Zaid Hamid | 11 years ago | Reply And writing a blog to an audience, who have exactly nothing to do with it, will change the Indian society?

BlackJack | 11 years ago | Reply Waste of time. 20 meaningless questions (and provide no answers) to prove that even what others are doing is pointless - and asking 'What is more difficult' repeatedly probably makes you feel as if you have done something far more substantial than those people at India Gate. What is more difficult - coming up with this pseudo-intellectual detritus or at least taking time out to raise awareness through public gatherings and demonstrate support for change?

She | 11 years ago | Reply Thank you for writing a very sensible piece!

Indian | 11 years ago | Reply Hey anjali! If I understand right this blog is aimed at Indians. If so, I find your choice of express tribune for this irrational. Aren't you doing exactly what you are talking against in this blog. You ask ask to stop sloganeering and take concrete action. What do you do then? Print it in a Pakistani newspaper. Well done!!! You need a serious course on marketing STP ( segmentation, targeting and positioning)

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