Salma’s story: Molested by her guardian

Published: May 25, 2012

I often experience over-whelming feelings of guilt, shame and self-blame. PHOTO: FILE

I first came across her on a Facebook forum in August 2010. The two of us were quite vocal on a forum made for the Sialkot brothers who had been publicly lynched during Ramazan that year. We often bumped into each other online and shared common passions and eventually decided to become “Facebook friends”.

Hailing from an educated, upper middle class family, she seemed to be an ordinary 20-year-old girl. However, I soon began to realise that all was not truly well on my new friend’s side. The seemingly normal girl appeared to be a little – well, different.

It looked to me as though she was stuck in a fairytale world as she would frequently put up pictures and videos of Disney princesses with their princes – often yearning for her own perfect prince to arrive. For a 20-year-old, this may not be completely unusual, but the “obsession” with a perfect fairytale was a bit strange. Something was a little off.

Then, one day I saw her comments appear on an unusual page – one that was for girls molested by their close family members.

Surprised, I initiated a conversation with her, and it was then that she revealed to me that her own father had molested her several times when she was a teenager.

The strange obsession with living in a fairytale land, the perfect prince and the images of princesses now became clear. My friend was forcing herself to believe that a man would eventually come and save her from the tortuous mental cage she was living in.

I asked this friend, whom I will call Salma*, if I could interview her regarding this incident and its effects, in order to share her story with the many people who are unaware of this issue. She agreed, and both of us hope that knowing about her ordeal may help and save other girls from suffering like her.

How old were you the first time your father molested you? Did it happen often?

I was 14 years old when it happened for the first time. He had taken me for a long drive and molested me on the way back. I clearly remember the first as well as the last incident, but I can’t exactly recall the total number of times it happened.

What made the abuse stop?

The last time it happened I was 17 years old. He just stopped himself. Perhaps he realised that I was older and could understand things now.

Did you reach out for help or inform a family member?

I tried talking to my mother about it a few times, but she never believed me. She is ill, so I decided not to bother her.

What are the characteristics of your abuser?

He acts very sweet, charming and innocent. He even cried in front of my mother when she talked to him about this. Because of this, she started feeling guilty about ever doubting him and disregarded the whole thing as my “delusions”. He still behaves like he is the best father in the world.

Do you feel guilty or blame yourself?

Yes, I feel guilty and shameful all the time; the reason being that when it happened for the first time I couldn’t judge between right and wrong. Many people would think that by the age of 14 an individual is mature enough to understand such things, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t comprehend what my father was trying to do with me and that it was wrong. I was very young.

How is your relationship with your father now? 

It has been four years since my father stopped abusing me. I still live with him. However, I do not talk to him. In fact, I have a very aggressive attitude towards him. I try my best to avoid him because whenever he comes in front of me very boldly and calmly, the only question that come to my mind is: Doesn’t he feel guilty for what he did to me?

What are some of the effects of this abuse on your personality?

I suffer from low self-esteem. I grieve and mourn all the time. I often experience overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame and self-blame. I prefer to remain in isolation and I also believe I suffer from schizophrenia. I talk to myself for hours  everyday. Yet, deep down, I do realise that it was absolutely no fault of mine.

Do you think you would have been a different person today had you not been abused by your father?

Absolutely. I would have been a wonderful daughter and a doting sister. I’ve lost all close relations after this incident.

Do you trust people?

Unfortunately no, I find it very hard to trust people now. Despite being abused, I still went ahead and trusted some people. I was involved in different relationships with boys but none could gain my trust. Once a boy even said that I deserved to be abused by my father! So after being constantly disappointed,  I have given up. I don’t even know if I can ever trust a man again.

How many people have you shared your experience with?

The only way I really discuss my experience is on the internet, so I have discussed it with several people anonymously. Most of them do not believe me and think that I am making it up. In real life, I have shared this incident with about six to seven people whom I know personally.

What is the reaction of people when you share your story with them?

They think I am joking. I don’t blame them – it must be quite hard to believe something like this.

If you could go back, would you have done something differently while you were being abused?

I believe I was too immature to comprehend what was happening to me. The past cannot be undone, but if anything, I want to regain my personality – the traits I lost as a result of this.

Has your faith weakened as a result of this incident?

I am a Muslim and I try to practice my faith as much as possible. I do not question God about this. I believe every life has a test. This is my test and I am going to get through it.

Do you feel your abuser has psychological issues? 

I am 100% sure that he suffers from a mental illness, though I am not aware if he has been diagnosed. A normal person could never do such a thing to his daughter.

Do you think such behaviour is inherited by the offspring of the abuser?

I am pretty sure it is. My elder brother is already depicting similar behaviour. I have often caught him trying to spy on me when I am alone.

Have you taken any measures to overcome the side effects of abuse? 

Writing and sharing my feelings helps. I’m also looking forward to consultation with a psychiatrist when I am able to find a good one.

What would you say to other victims of abuse?

I would like to tell victims of abuse that although it may be difficult, please do not blame yourselves for the abuse. It is not your fault. Do not give up hope. A part of your life has been scarred for sure, but not your entire life. Learn from the experience, exercise compassion for others and do the right thing.

Make some goals and try your best to achieve them.

Author’s note: The interview has been taken with full consent from the interviewee for it to be published. 

*Name has been changed to protect victim’s identity 

Read more by Ayesha here.

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Ayesha Pervez

Ayesha Pervez

Currently pursuing TESL in Canada, Ayesha Pervez is an English Literature graduate from the University of Karachi who has completed courses in short-fiction and journalism from Harvard University.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • M Ali Khan

    People should NOT ignore what happens to children either at school, at home, at relatives, or at friends’ place. Sexual abuse can have very damaging consequences for the child’s own maturity and development. Ignoring it, or assuming its a “drama” is the worst thing you can do to a victim!Recommend

  • malik

    Well, abusing little kids has been going on since time immemorial. It was our Prophet (SAW) who took the lead in showing the world that little girls should be given respect and protection.

    If he had not introduced the burqa/ system, the girls would be abused sexually not only by family members, but also by strangers. We should be grateful for that forever.Recommend

  • Asad Changazi

    Salma dear please don’t be stereotype.. All men are not alike.Recommend

  • jackJafry

    Ahh God, How anyone could do that to his daughter? This is where are society is heading to.Recommend

  • awan

    my condolences, I believe you *Salma and what you’ve gone through will ultimately make you stronger and a better fit to deal with psychos of the like in professional life.
    You’re scarred, yes, but you have overcome the psychological pain and left the past behind you. Remember, pain is temporary, quitting lasts forever. Do not quit your life goals, you’ll find the prince of your dreams very soon!Recommend

  • http://www.facebook.com Mahwish

    I just want to hug that brave girl…. I cannot even stop my tears while reading this…coz a father is the Hero and bodyguard for a daughter how could he do that to her own princess….but don’t worry Salma Allah is with you always….and Ayesha i need you personal Email Please reply me ASAP… thnkx Recommend

  • Shaharyar Sohail

    My words of consolation are but just a hollow shape of dust,as i realize i cannot understand or feel a bit of what she feels and have went through. Every word i say doesn’t matters to her as you may not describe the taste of sweet unless you taste it yourself. She cannot be blamed for if she has lost trust in a man. Yes,i may assure that there may be a pearl in every thousand sea shells so don’t give up and don’t loose hope. Just don’t let the soul wilt away. I wish i could help her or any other fellow human being who awaits for the glimpse of light in deep darkness.
    You are not to be blamed of but personally i think you are a symbol of patience and hope. I admire you for not giving up. Hats off to you for being an inspiration.Recommend

  • Sahar

    Jab Haya na karo tou jo chahy karo (Hadees)
    Modesty is the key of our religion !

    Which is totally forgotten. All the sympathies for the young girl..and raising the eye brows on mother’s attitude! as mothers usually get every swirl in their children’s behavior ! She must had to understand the fear in your attitude !Recommend

  • Saira Khan

    @Sahar:

    this has nothing to do with ”haya”,it’s extremely disturbing that you would insert religion even into such a blog.The poor girl was a victim of a shocking crime and when the perpetrator is your own father,the world stops making much sense.Those who would attempt to use such incidents as a tool for propagating religion are rubbing salt onto the wounds of the victims.Recommend

  • sara

    Been there, but fortunately I was able to move on with my life. I hope this girl does too. If you read this ‘salma’ please understand that it is not your fault, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. This is how molestation works, the victim is made to feel guilty about something that is not their fault in any way. Best of luck for the futureRecommend

  • Naveed Anjum

    The common response when incest victims even try to speak out in society is that such things don’t happen in our ISLAMIC republic of pakistan.There is an immediate attempt by people to brush incest victims under the carpet and to pretend as if it doesn’t happen in pakistan just because we are an Islamic country.
    Incest does happen in pakistani society,hiding our heads in the sand won’t change reality.It is time we stopped living in denial.Recommend

  • sara

    @malik: burqa? seriously? I was abused when I was 7 years old, you expect a 7 year old to wear a burqa? Typical of men, its a woman fault she is raped, its her fault she doesnt dress correctly etc etc. It is a fault to be born a woman Recommend

  • Bilal Mir

    The overwhelming attitude in our society is that we like to think that paedophilia or incest doesn’t happen in our society.When such issues are made into taboos and not talked about,then the paedophiles get to get away with ruining the lives of others.Paedophilia is a very widespread problem in our society,since our people don’t recognise having sex with underage girls as a crime,our paedophiles get to go unpunished.It’s time the state started prosecuting and hanging those men having physical relations with underage girls.Recommend

  • sick of this nonsense

    Forget what ever happened little brave girl and move on with your life. Inshallah you will get married to your prince and live a wonderful life :)Recommend

  • Muhammad Shahzad

    @Sahar:

    Very distasteful to bring religion into a case of incest.Trying to exploit a blog about a disturbing crime to glorify religion is seriously narcissistic.Modesty has nothing to with incest.People exploiting examples of serious crimes to glorify religion should not stoop so low.
    This girl should get professional help from a psychologist who can help her resolve the issues she is facing resulting from this horrific experience in her life.Recommend

  • Khurry

    First of all i want to appreciated the blogger for highlighting an one of a important issue of our society and second my sympathies for the victim for suffering all that pains and psychological torture by his own guardian it is surely an shocking incident happened to her and to all other victims which had suffered from it its hard to believe for our peoples that this molested incidents occurs frequently in our society by our close ones!! its surely an shameful act and it should be condemned in strict words. All i want to say that although she suffered it from early age where mostly people cant recognize what is wrong and right but after all the she came up on it she have a much believe in her self and she fought with her instincts i must she is a brave girl and it is not easy for her or any other victims like her to have trust on peoples easily after suffering for such a kind of incident. But i wish her good and prosperous life a head so that she can leave the remarks of that incident and spend good life with her deserving life partner who can understand the loss of her self confidence and provide her the security in our society so that no one can point it out on her character… and once again hats off to blogger for sharing it.. Thanks. Be blessed!!! Recommend

  • Arshad Minhas

    @malik:

    If you need small girls to wear burkas/hijabs to prevent you from raping them,then the problem is with you,not them.Paedophiles laying the blame on their victims deserve no sympathy from the law or from the society.
    Girls should not be made to pay the price for the depravity of some paedophile men.Recommend

  • TureStory

    This is the most horrible thing to happen to some kid and the most inhuman thing a man can do. The reason however is not the gender or mental illnes or nything else, the reason is the rotten society we live in. Everybody knows that if the story of abuse gets public the abuser will easily get away with it and the abused will face the music, all her life. This is not conifed to girls only. There is no single village and no single Cadet college where young boys are not abused. In my college (one of the top cadet colleges) this was a norm, boys of 1st and 2nd year abusing young kinds of 6-7-8 class. Boys however are different and the incident does not have a lasting effect on his personality but girls being sensitive change for their whole life.

    Something must be done, I think a legislation for death penalty to those who are involved in sexual abuse (girls or boy). Recommend

  • Umar Farooq

    I Agree with @Sahar

    The world today is worst then ever from the stone ages. we have the best of technology and in the ages of science and religion! we serve the worst God “The Devil”.

    We all are messed up some where and I would say its part of life. i know i can never understand your pain or how do you feel but all i can say is just believe in your self, keep your self strong from inside. there is nothing which can break up your heart and mind and that’s what can help you to keep moving. I will add keep looking for your prince. After all men or women are not same.
    May Allah bless you and help you and make you stronger then ever.Recommend

  • Uzair

    I second Bilal Mir’s suggestion of punishing peadophiles. Children are the most precious things and must be protected from such animals. Moreover, if those with a peadophilic trait could get psychiatric help they might be able to cope better and not have to do the terrible things. But our society must first recognize the nature of the crime. Alas we are the ones who marry our young girls off to older men, girls as young as 10 or 12 even.Recommend

  • Faisal

    Any one here who tell me about this type of activity….. what is cause….? any one answer me….

    Where it happend….Recommend

  • http://Fatiwahab.wordpress.com Fatima

    Well said! @sara: Recommend

  • http://www.khabarial.com Pakighan (Afghan Karachiite)

    “My elder brother is already depicting similar behaviour. I have often caught him trying to spy on me when I am alone”

    No offence though, but it seems that she probably got some sort of mental disorder which falls her into fantasying about things which never happened. Recommend

  • anonymous

    The fault lies with the mother. Most pakistani women become so sexually displeasing after marriage and children that their husbands resort to such behaviour to take out their frustrations. No sexually satisfied man would ever feel the need to do such things. Recommend

  • Sam

    @malik:
    Typical male mentality. Its always the women’s fault. She wasn’t dressed properly. She wasn’t wearing a burqa. Mate, hate to burst your bubble, but girls in burqas also get sexually abused.Recommend

  • Silas

    @Pakighan (Afghan Karachiite):
    A stupid comment Recommend

  • Saad

    Salma’s experience shows that our society is leaning back to the times of Jahaliya and our Iman if disappearing. What happened with her, just can not be changed, but we can still make an attempt to educate our illiterate masses that this is WRONG. I hope she over comes with here experience and find her mister charming.. Recommend

  • Fair Mind

    I think the girl is paranoid. No sane father can act like this.Recommend

  • Adnan Salim

    Ayesha Pervez, first of all what happen to Salma should never happen, to anyone at all. Unfortunately, it happens and a lot many times more than the reported volume. It is so much that I am sure, everyone of us would cross paths with perpetrators and victims many times a day and not know about it. The civil society plays a very small role and it is not effective at all. We all have a part to play in how our societies develop and groom. How much we do to contribute; practically nothing!

    Writing these stories helps a bit, it discloses event such as child abuse in it worst forms; namely, “parental child abuse”: There should be a a national relief line for victims, there should be collaboration among the universities [specifically psychology departments, sociology and other] who should establish crises centers for victims and offenders. There should be email address supported by counselors, to give support in all respects. Child friendly police stations with each city having child support officers performing specific duties in this regard. Sex Education should be part of school textbooks.

    Bottom-line
    There are a million things we can do, to create safer societies for us and our children: Are we willing to go the distance?
    Do we have the civil society, media and other fraternities to support in this cause and contribute?
    These questions need to be sorted first and than action taken:
    WE CAN STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING, TO ANYONE
    GIVE THIS TO EVERYONE

    I know that I have the will and I can
    ASRecommend

  • -

    You aren’t alone, I know exactly how you feel. Recommend

  • sara

    As a victim of child sexual abuse I am disgusted by the comments here, someone says the poor girl has a mental disorder and makes up such things, and someone else says its the mothers fault as she was unable to satisfy her husband. Where are you people from? These comments are sickening, firstly no one wants to make up stories about being molested. And if a wife doesn’t satisfy you please remarry, or make a girlfriend or pay for sexual services. How can molesting a child be justified? A child is not a woman. And I wanted to follow up on my comment about the burqa, male children are also molested, just as much as female children, what solution do you burqa advocating people have for them?Recommend

  • Hamid Siddiqui

    @Pakighan (Afghan Karachiite):

    Typical line used by rapists and paedophiles in an attempt to discredit their victims.Blaming the rape victims & trying to discredit them is an old and nastry trick.Recommend

  • Community Enterprise & Women Development Organization

    Making her story to the public is a second phase of this crime. When her father realized that he was wrong and stopped abusing her so this was her duty duty to keep this secret to her her own for the sake of others. What she has gained from her story making to the public?Recommend

  • Ali khan

    Tears r rolling on ma cheek, its too tough, and there r monsters everywhere in this world sister, i love ur innocence and hate ur father for ruining it, that u still dun blame him full, is he father NO, he is a monster, my lovely sis, its indeed ur test, be patient and fight it, for ALLAH will reward u, its sooo hard to imagine even, that the very two relation a girl rely on are the one trying and has abused u, i wish i could hold u close and give u the purity and warmth of a brother hug. INSHALLAH ur prince will come, be patient ma lil angel
    Ur brother :(( still cryingRecommend

  • manish

    @Pakighan (Afghan Karachiite): so i see, the blame should be on the lady.
    why it never occured to you that the brother seeing his father working this way and a pervert, he would have got emboldened in his perversion, to the extent that he now himself doesn’t care about the dignity of his sister.

    @anonymous: so you mean to suggest that if mother cannot satisfy the lust, she should be ready to offer her daughter. the question has a very simple answer. what if you are not satisfied with your wife, would you even think of such a thing?

    @ malik: . what do you think that hindus and christian daughters who do not wear burqa get raped by their family members. SHAME ON YOU. in the first place there is no need of bringing up religion here, it’s just a simple case of working of a sick mind. tell me mr malik would you do such a thing with your daughter if she isn’t wearing burka? i hope not. almost no father, good or bad would do such a thing, it’s all work of perverted sick mind.

    @SALMA: you would do yourself a favour if you break your bubble as early as possible. mind it, NO PRINCE IS GOING TO COME TO YOUR RESCUE. it’s you who will have to take the first step towards your liberation. just break the chain, and break it as early as possible. you are suffering for the fault of others. don’t do it. it will only harm you in the long run. how you do it, i leave it to your intellect, because you seem to be an intelligent girl, as you have realised that the fault is not yours but of pervert minds.Recommend

  • Uzair

    @Community Enterprise & Women Development Organization:

    Do you mean to say Community Enterprise & Women Destruction Organization?

    Because what you are suggesting is tantamount to condoning the crime. So what if the father has stopped the abuse? A crime is a crime and by rights should be punished. You are giving no real reason for hushing up the crime other than to protect the father. Plus the girl is divulging her real identity, so she is still protected in real life.

    Your attitude is reflective of our general sweep-it-under-the-carpet-especially-if-its-a-sex-crime-because-we-are-muslims mentality. Salma has done a courageous thing by coming forward and telling her story, this helps other victims understand they are not alone. By highlighting this issue we can at least start to think about steps to prevent child abuse. But no, you would rather that they be kept secret so the false curtain of “modesty” and “haya” is maintained in our society.Recommend

  • HZ

    @Community Enterprise & Women Development Organization:
    You think such abusers ever realize their mistakes? He stopped when she can tell the world about him and she was grown up enough to resist.Recommend

  • sara

    @Community Enterprise & Women Development Organization:
    Women Development indeed. The father stopped and that makes everything right so she should keep quiet about it. Wow! Recommend

  • sidjeen

    its a good initiative you took to publish the story but please don’t stop here if you have access to the victim you should convince her to report this to the police child sexual abuse is a very serious crime punishable by law. secondly you should immediately make sure that she is checked by a qualified psychiatrist her mental condition is not healthy she has gone through a very difficult experience in her life and as such needs immediate help. she has herself accepted schizophrenia which is not a normal mental illness but a very serious condition and thirdly if she has trusted you to the extent that she shared such information with you you should make sure that the burden of making these decisions is on you she is in no mental condition to make these difficult decisions. she is only 20 and has a long life in front of her please make sure that her trusting you does not go in vain.Recommend

  • citizen

    its high time legislation is passed to punish Molesters. They deserve Death penalty .
    @salma : hang in there. You will make it through . be independent and break the chain.Recommend

  • Anonymous

    I wonder if the father went through the same thing when he was a child. Just saying.Recommend

  • http://lahore asim

    Very sad.
    But this happens in every society especially those where sex is so repressed and taboo.Recommend

  • sara

    @Anonymous: I wonder if the father went through the same thing when he was a child. Just saying… and how does that matter?Recommend

  • http://kashifmalim.com/ Kashif Malim

    Can’t really think up any words except curses for her father and elder brother. I hope she finds someone soon. Someone who can win her trust, and actually keep it as well. Bravo for being brave enough to talk about it and share this with others. The longer people stay quiet about these sorry activities taking place within our homes, the more people will have to suffer.

    Violence against women in any form should never be tolerated, nor covered up, and the culprits should be brought to justice, and should be forced to face society with their real faces!!Recommend

  • Zeeshan

    @Anonymous….

    If he had then thats great. He deserves more now I guess from the same genius creature who molested him.Recommend

  • Muzammil Baig

    Law and order situation must be so strong that on just a call police investigate all and sort it out and send the culprit behind the bars but unfortunately in our country might is right,if this girl was living in an advanced country the govt would send her father behind the bars and take responsibility of young girl.this shows the shameful part of our society where no one is safe.God bless that young poor girl.Recommend

  • Anonymous

    @Sara

    The girl has been a victim of a heinous crime. She needs professional help to wipe off the scars. Her father needs to be punished for this act. However, on a broader level, whats also important is to discover the cause behind it. Why did her father do such an act? It was surely not something normal. Was there something in his past as well that corrupted his mind this way? Does he too have some stories to tell?
    A thief should be punished for stealing what he steals. But the punishment cannot be the same for a thief who has been starving himself for a week due to a lack of resources and a thief who stole due to his greed or perhaps just for some fun.Recommend

  • geeko

    Oh… :S It’s already an ineffable sickness, but when your own father, which in the mind of every child represents towering protection, genuine affection and an overall sense of security, is involved in such disgusting acts, indeed it can be really traumatizing… the “charming prince” might sound cheesy, but I think that it just translates the paternal figure that she lost… sincerely hope she finds him one day.

    @malik: clever peoples would have seen that you’re basically a troll which just tried to insult Islam through your comment but, anyway, assuming you’re authentic, as far as I know, little boys are as concerned by child molestation and burqa wouldn’t help them.
    Stop acting immature for a change.Recommend

  • Babar

    Well, if she has signs of schizophrenia, her story can not be trusted. I have seen many people with schizophrenia and they totally live in an imagined world where anything can happen. Recommend

  • sahil

    Sahil is a great organization in Pakistan helping victims of child sexual abuse. They offer comprehensive support in areas of counselling , advocacy and education. Please do approach them they are great help for survivors and its all confidential and free of costRecommend

  • sara

    @Anonymous: Whatever the father went through was not because of this girl. If you have read my previous comments you must have gathered that I have been a victim of molestation as a child. The abuse I went through has only made me want to protect children more, not hurt them. I don’t think that your example of a thief is befitting in this scenario. Even if the man had a horrible childhood it makes no excuse. This is what I am unable to get in all the comments here, why is everyone trying to make up excuses for this horrible excuse of a father and a man? If he had issues he should have sought treatment rather than molest his own child. We need punishment for such people not sympathy Recommend

  • Nayla

    Did anyone notice the POLL RESULTS???

    As of now, 45% of people voted that they have been victims of sexual abuse. 45%! And Malik, I fail to see how wearing a burka prevents females from being abused. It does NOT.

    I feel really bad for “Salma”. I myself was raped, and it was terrible and traumatic and shameful, but I can’t even imagine how much MORE terrible and traumatic and shameful it would have been if it was my own father who did it! She definitely needs psychiatric help to heal from this. She’s still living with her abuser, her own father, how can she truly heal if she has to interact with her own abuser every day? I dare say it would be impossible. To further the hurt, her own mother doesn’t believe in her. That has to create incredible trauma for her too. :(Recommend

  • amna

    @anonymous:

    I agree with you.it’s important to know why a person did such thing.Recommend

  • vigilant

    this is just shameful…..May Allah protect this innocent soulRecommend

  • Yuri Kondratyuk

    @malik:
    So, tell me if the venerable burqa/ system is applicable to females above nine years only or less than nine years too.Recommend

  • Parvez

    A disturbing read. Recommend

  • x

    Truly heart wrenching story. My father died when I was a kid and I feel I would have been a different person if I had had that male protection and sense of security while growing up. For girls, a father is your ultimate hero, protector, the first man you ever love, the ideal against whom you compare every other man you meet.
    It makes me sick to think any father could do such a despicable thing. I can not begin to imagine what you must have gone through. Your father is a sick twisted monster who can have no possible justification (even if he was himself a victim of abuse) and he shall be punished for this great sin, in the Hereafter and even in this life.
    But it is more important for you to look after yourself now. Please contact some trusted relative, leave that sick man’s house and although I hope and pray all your dreams come true, the sad truth i the world is a very scary place especially for women. As some heartless moron boyfriend said that you deserved, sadly that is how a lot of sick men (and even women) think not just here but in western societies as well. Trust is a fragile thing and I hope you are fortunate enough to meet someone who deserves your trust.
    It is heartening to see you havent lost your faith. Whatever happens, you must not let it break you. All my prayers. Recommend

  • joy

    @author, I feel that you should personally try to help out this poor child. While it is heartening to see how extremely courageous and strong she has been despite the unimaginably painful ordeal she went through, I feel that the psychological scars must be treated with care.
    As for her brother, I feel that she has become paranoid and might be imagining this. It is understandable that she has lost her trust in men and indeed, in all the most beautiful relationships, but her brother could prove to be her ally especially as her mother seems unwilling to confront the truth. Or if, her brother is indeed as morally depraved and sick as her father, then she just needs to get out of that house. fast.
    Not easy, but perhaps some trusted relative can come to her rescue? In any case, for the author, telling the story is important but this girl is in pain and has gone through unimaginable horrors at such a young age, she deserves to be helped. Recommend

  • horse

    That is so sad. I too have been abused when I was six or seven. My cousin took me to a room and said let me teach u dance. And saying things like stupid u dont know real dance, she convinced me to do what she wanted.
    My memory is so blur that I almost dont know what exactly was going in my mind that time.
    It had no impact on me coz I was too young.
    But u don be guilty plz! People kill other yet dont blame themselves. People vote for political parties who kill! And they rationalize their decision. Because they improved dow university for my sister to become a better doctor, it is ok if they kill two shopkeeper pathans in my neighborhood.
    But Dont suspect ur brother plz! It must be horrible to live in tht same house where u cant even forget that event.
    I pray u get married soon to a real prince so that this hard phase of life ends.
    You are definitely strong, n u should take that strngth out in the form of goodness to others….U would love it, and more over, just like u all good people are desperately looking for good people, if u resonate positivity they will come to u….
    Those who boast, show-off, remain proud is a different category from those who who bent down to pick up thorns that it may not hurt others!Recommend

  • irfan

    unfortunality this topic ppl not disclose openely, mayAllah protect from this terrible act, and we should protect our kids from evil this society…….salama pls take care urself and try to forgive people……i know its very hard……but pray for everyone…Recommend

  • http://Karachi. GlobalNomad

    @Community Enterprise & Women Development Organization: who gave you this name anyway, you call yourself women development organization. Only mad insane people will say Salma should keep quiet and her story should no be published. her identity is hidden right, she must be reading all this and she knows she is not to blame. It is organization like yours that create wrong impressions around.Recommend

  • http://Karachi. Farah Kamal

    For all who are thinking this cannot happen in our country, let me tell you, I have worked for more then 2 decades with women and teenagers all over Pakistan and have heard many stories, councilled and ended up listening . INCEST DOES HAPPEN BIGTIME IN PAKISTAN. It does for whatever reason it exist, just ask many people know one of our provinces is so notorious for this.

    Unfortunately such cases are hushed up by the own family members, the reputation of a girl is considered so fragile in our society that either they or their families are just not willing to come out and talk. Recommend

  • Mohammed

    @malik: Surely you must be joking, Mr. Malik?Recommend

  • Nobody

    @TureStory:
    I agree with most of what you said, except the part about how sexual abuse doesn’t have a lasting effect on a boys personality. In my experience, they do. I know of two such boys, who are now young men; abused at very young ages, their lives were ruined and neither is mentally stable. It’s an unfortunate and tragic occurrence, whether the abused is a young girl or boy. Even more sickening when it’s family members. Awareness is key. Recommend

  • http://www.cafepak.com cafepak

    Guys chill, It happens when you forget your faith and move against your basic purpose to be in this world!

    I feel really shame being a man and I pray that may Allah send some guidelines to us! Oh God! Its a crappiest story I have ever read!Recommend

  • Katarina

    I admire Salmas courage to come out and tell her story. This will help many victims as they can see it is not only them, that it happens to other also. It is completely ridiculous that she should be quiet because the father stopped the abuse. I do not know about the laws in your country, can’t you ask for a police investigation? Recommend

  • a girl

    ET should remove anons comment. It is insulting to muslims
    Recommend

  • Iram

    i have a friend and she is doctor, she narrated same story. she said, ” her father not only molested her many times but also did the same with other three sisters”.Recommend

  • erum.shaikh

    @ a girl:
    Thank you for your comment. The said comment has been reviewed and removed from the comments section.
    Thanks again.
    Kind Regards,
    Blog team.Recommend

  • Salma**

    @ayesha pervez: thank you so much for writing this article for me.!
    tears were rolling down my eyes when I
    read it.! you’re the best person I’ve
    ever met in my whole life.! love you
    lots.!

    I also read comments on facebook saying her “Seems Aysha Pervaiz is also “tickkled” once in a while, Che Che Che, An obvious example of SAFMA & USAID sponsorship hitting at societal roots in the name of reality. Why this scerecy ? If you are revealing the true horror. We suggest Court should take notice & summon such victims for disclosure & if true deliver justice. With out proof let us all reject imported notions & weird nymphos.” I felt sick and sorry for Meerza Muhammad Rak Khan ..she listen to me when people like you left me unheard.

    I read all the comments yesterday and decided to answer still keeping my identity hidden. Anyone who doesn’t believe that this girl is me it’s absolutely fine. I’m not here to proof my innocence or to show I’m not fake
    @awan: thankyou.!

    @mahvish: hugs.!** Indeed.. Allah is always there for me.

    @shaharyar sohail: you believe that’s more than enough.! thankyou so much.!

    @sara: thank you hugs.! :) <3

    @sick of this nonsense: thankyou.! In’sha’Allah I’ll

    @khurry:thankyou.!

    @umar: Ameen.! and thank you.!

    @Pakighan (Afghan Karachiite): your comment actually made me laugh. I’m absolutely fine bro. nothing is wrong with me :)

    @anonymous: it’s not my mother’s fault. if tomorrow you won’t be satisfied will you do the same thing? :/

    @sam: I agree with you.!

    @Fair mind: I’m not paranoid.

    @saad: In’sha’Allah.!

    @Community Enterprise & Women Development Organization: I wonder how you deal with the victims that come to you for help.

    @Ali khan: In’sha’Allah and Ameen.! Thankyou so much bro. ^__^

    @manish: thankyou.! I’ll :)

    @uzair & HZ: I agree with you both.

    @citizen: In’sha’Allah I’ll. Thankyou.

    @Anonymous: I also think that sometimes sometimes people who have been abused become abusers. That is something called abuse cycle they do the same thing happened to them to others.. they don’t try to break the cycle.. lots.! Recommend

  • sars

    @Community Enterprise & Women Development Organization:
    actually what she got was she learned that it happens to others who move on and progress , like sara who was kind enough to share her story with the hope it works out for salma as well. You dont seem to know much about womens development do you????Recommend

  • Rabail Khan

    i’m so sorry for what you have gone through Salma…I am literally in tears. I mean Fathers are Heroes, how can he do such an inhuman thing with his own daughter.
    But now there is nothing he can say that can be believed or respected.I cannot understand how he can have a clear conscience or sleep at night.Recommend

  • http://karachi ashar

    My comments could not pass through the moderator and I am not going to repeat them again, however I am now waiting for another article written on some report of an NGO revealing that 1256 girls have been molested by thier guardian / father during the year 2011 and since january an alarming figure of 975 has been reported in rural and urban areas of pakistan.Recommend

  • mehek

    @malik: The abuse carried out above was by a father to his daughter and I don’t believe that you are told to wear a burqa in front of your own father as he is a mehram male. Also, if you studied psychology of rape or abuse at all you would know that it has NOTHING to do with what a woman wears/how she dresses. Your opinion reflects the same attitude where you’re willing to shift the blame on the person abused/raped because she “didn’t dress right” and hence was “asking for it”.

    Learn to look at the world outside of the narrow confines of your preconceived notions about things. Recommend

  • Hafsa

    @ Fair mind Seriouslyyyy?? you can say that because it didnt happen to you!!Recommend

  • Cynical

    @Thanks a million for bringing it out in the open.
    It’s one of the least talked about topic hence need maximum exposure.Recommend

  • Fida

    OMG!!!! ……. :( :( :( …Recommend

  • Vikram

    @malikIf he had not introduced the burqa/ system, the girls would be abused sexually not only by family members, but also by strangers. We should be grateful for that forever.”

    Burqa can’t control hormones or thinking processes of a man. All sorts of things of sexual nature happen in Muslim countries including incest rapes etc. It seems like more boys get raped in Muslim countries. You are implying places where Muslim women don’t wear burqa there must be lot of sexual abuse going on by family members or strangers. I have not heard about any sexual abuse of Muslim women by strangers. What you say may be true for Muslim countries..Recommend

  • Vikram

    @Pakighan (Afghan Karachiite): ““My elder brother is already depicting similar behaviour. I have often caught him trying to spy on me when I am alone. No offence though, but it seems that she probably got some sort of mental disorder which falls her into fantasying about things which never happened.”

    She caught her brother checking her out when she is alone.
    Does not look like a fantasy or mental disorder to me.Recommend

  • ayesha_khan

    Salma,

    I am sorry this happened to you. This is an issue that needs to be talked about so that solutions can be found instead of pushing it under the carpet.

    In India too an attempt to open discussion on the issue of child sex abuse was done by Amir Khan under his show satyamevjayate (which means truth alone prevails). http://www.satyamevjayate.in/issue02/ . Specifically the workshop for kids at the end of the show was really good.

    An open discussion will allow kids abused to speak up without feeling that they are at fault. It will also sensitize adults to deal more sensitively with a child who complains of sexual abuse.Recommend

  • Mavra

    I am deeply shattered after reading what happened to the innocent, young girl. Tragedy, fear, lack of trust and loneliness overshadow her story. At the age of 14, a girl starts deciphering life and the goods and bads. She places her confidence in her elders and family is everything to her. All she has to worry about is her studies and she deserves to enjoy her life depending completely upon her family. I feel sorry for this girl who never got a chance to place her confidence in a relationship that we all consider the most valuable in our lives-parents( in a daughter’s case fathers are specially of importance) I am sure her life must be like hell at present but I still see that she wants to enjoy her life like all girls normally do. I pray that may she and girls like her get to enjoy all the positives in life for their future so that they could for some time get a chance to forget their adversities. Also, I am surprised at her mother’s response but then I know that even if she believes her daughter, she cannot really do anything about it for its about her family and the insult one faces here in our society when they fight for their rights.
    Great job Ayesha for bringing this one into spotlight in detail. Also, I really hope after reading this we all realize that judging someone by their strange or unacceptable personality traits is not how we understand people well. Instead, its about digging deep down into the harsh realities that they had to face and making a difference into their lives by doing something about it like you did. Keep up the great work !Recommend

  • Sahibzada Shabir

    Ahhhhhhhhh

    So Sad , so we humans have started behaving like animals whose priority is just to full fill their sex desire no matter who next person …….. what is the relation, Halal or Haram.

    My question why humans have started acting like this ??Recommend

  • Sahibzada Shabir

    Every one should watch and share this video and make sure the childerns are trained

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cw9lSkRBm3U&feature=shareRecommend

  • Aakasa

    Salma,
    In this land of craven I see you as a Hercules.
    After every adversity appears a sun so worry not and focus on being independent as soon as you can.
    You need to keep yourself away from the negative energies inside your very place. Recommend

  • God bless us all

    After this blog a lot of people are coming and sharing their own experience… so many people have been abused !!! When you look at a stranger in the street who appears competely normal you have no idea what they have been through!!! God bless us all :(((Recommend

  • Awais

    So she still believes in god even though he/she didn’t even defend the victim during that hideous experience.Recommend

  • Vikram

    @Sara commented” I was abused when I was 7 years old, you expect a 7 year old to wear a burqa?”
    Did you know what was happening to you when you were 7 year old was wrong? I have a hard time digesting that a 14-17 year old girl did not know that her father was sexually abusing her and let it happen for 3 years.Recommend

  • Awais

    @Sahibzada Shabir:

    People have always acted like this, it happens when people are sexually depraved and frustrated and decide to take it out on children.Recommend

  • Vikram

    @Nobody: “I agree with most of what you said, except the part about how sexual abuse doesn’t have a lasting effect on a boys personality. In my experience, they do. I know of two such boys, who are now young men; abused at very young ages, their lives were ruined and neither is mentally stable.”

    Looking at various comments I can see victims react to sexual abuse in different ways. Some are able to move on without any lasting effect, others get stuck and unable to move on. Life is not a piece of cake, every one goes thru lot of problems and hardtimes. The problems of 2 young men you mentioned may or may not be due to sexual abuse.Recommend

  • kaalchakra

    I simply don’t believe it. Something is wrong. Salma, may Allah give you hidayat and save you from evil thoughts.Recommend

  • Anon

    Your story is almost exactly the same as mine. This gave me chills, and it surprises me to see that there’s someone exactly like me out there, down to the last letter.Thank you for sharing your story Recommend

  • Cynical

    @Malik

    ‘Well, abusing little kids has been going on since time immemorial. It was our Prophet (SAW) who took the lead in showing the world that little girls should be given respect and protection.’

    Are you suggesting that we should marry as little as 9 year old girls to respect and protect them. Recommend

  • Abid P Khan

    @cafepak:

    “…I feel really shame being a man and I pray that may Allah send some guidelines to us! Oh God! Its a crappiest story I have ever read!”
    .

    Are you saying that you do not believe in Koran or Muhammad was not the last prophet. If you do not believe in the basic tenets of Islam, then it is ok.Recommend

  • Saad Durrani

    @malik:
    In case you did not notice, it was her father and you do not “burka” yourself in your own home. Your statement had no point in it. Furthermore, please check your sources. The order of Burka comes later; the order of a clean and pure mindset comes first.Recommend

  • Anonymous

    @Community Enterprise & Women Development Organization:
    using a fake name doesnt actually make u an expert on women…she shuld hav kept quiet…yeah rite!!! Recommend

  • Haleema Rafiq

    Ayesha: Can you kindly share your email address as want to help the sister in’sha’Allah.

    Jazaki’Allah Khair. Recommend

  • sara

    @Vikram: Yes I did know what was happening was wrong, but I could not understand how it was wrong. It took me years to understand exactly what had happened to me. This girl had to bear with the abuse because she lives with that man, she didn’t really have a way out.Recommend

  • Roshni Devi

    @malik: If it’s the men who are attacking the women, its not women who should be put under burkhas and what not.

    Burkhas don’t prevent rape, neither do saris or salwar kameezes or any sort of dress. Recommend

  • KR

    @Salma**: after reading this it just remind me of my incident. My own cusion did this to me when i was 6 years old.
    I am 28 now. still i get up at night and cry. I dont have any friends. live is hell for me. According to ppl i have very abnormal personality. Recommend

  • sara

    @KR: Please get help. I am saying this as someone who understands exactly what you have been through. We cannot allow the horrors of our past to ruin our whole lives. I have spent years having nightmares and crying through the night so I am not just someone giving hollow advice. I hope you will be able to move forward soonRecommend