I’m a Pakistani marrying a gora

Published: March 28, 2012

I have found someone who values not only me and my family but also my language, my culture - everything that was previously foreign to him. PHOTO: REUTERS

The past 10 days have been very eventful for me – no, scratch that-  they have been momentous; I received some excellent news about my future, went on a wonderful business trip to the sunny state of California, and yesterday my gora (foreigner) best friend asked me to marry him.

I said yes, in case you were wondering. Yes, I am the other half of an interracial couple.

The funny thing about being in an interracial relationship is that in a world where everyone is always talking about race, that’s the last thing on my mind when I’m with C. To me, he isn’t a white man and me a brown woman. He is my best friend who understands and loves me. That’s it.

To think that there are people out there who consider us to be some sort of an abomination really amazes me. Keeping that in mind, race tends to rear its head in almost all other situations.

C and I come from totally different worlds– two worlds that, when we are together don’t matter much, but when we step out of our little bubble, is swarming around us. I am a Pakistani-American and he is a born and bred Caucasian American. His family is Catholic, mine is Muslim.

Each of those things represents a lot of differences. However surprisingly, they have all come together to create a really great and compatible ‘us’.

Over the past few years, I have been watching C trying to understand my culture, and it has been an entertaining and fascinating journey. I won’t lie, the journey part has mostly been from his side, I tend to sit back on the sidelines with amusement and adoration, watching him stumble around my family trying to figure out what’s the right way to eat something.

However, after four years I have learned that it doesn’t matter how he eats my mother’s chicken biryani - hands, forks, spoons, with yogurt, without yogurt, or even with naan (flat-bread) *the horror*- what matters is the fact that he enjoys eating it.

Who cares that he sounds silly when he tries to pronounce things in Urdu, all I care about is that he doesn’t get mad when we laugh at him for sounding funny in the first place. He understands that my family is loving and if they are making fun of him, it means they consider him as one of them.

He also understands that I am very close to my family and that I will try to see them as often as possible, even if it means going to their place once a week, and while he may not join me every time, he appreciates my longing for my family and tries to accompany me whenever he can. Most of all, through all the changes and things to adjust to, he is a man who has no qualms converting to Islam because he knows I would never marry him otherwise.

Growing up, I never thought I would end up marrying a white man. My best friends, however, disagreed. According to them they always knew that I couldn’t marry a Pakistani – apparently I was always too “Americanised”. However, what I have learned over the short span of my life is that our skin colours ultimately don’t matter.

What is important is whether your significant other cherishes you and your family; in C, I have found someone who values all that and along with it also my language, culture and food – everything that was previously foreign to him.

Now he sits at our family dinner table and prefers more spices in his food than my father and laughs with my mother on one silly joke or another. He joins in when we tease my sister and laughs just as hard as us when my five-year-old niece accidentally ‘fur-furs’ (Arabic for err… passing gas).

I believe I have found a keeper and I don’t care if any one thinks other wise.

Read more by Saira here and follow her on Twitter @sairakh

Saira.Khan

Saira Khan

A Pakistani-American who lives in Baltimore but loves Karachi. She is currently employed as a legal marketing editor and hopes to obtain a Masters in Journalism. Saira tweets @sairakh.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • geeko

    @The Opinionista:
    Without seeing through über-complicate sociological lenses, I was saying that, what’s really to discuss about this piece of mild enthusiasm, not like it was done in Pakistan by some rebellious Muslim woman seeing Eros in the shadows of a tribal Bhil and who comes with an exciting novel full of u-turn… hope you get what I mean, I just don’t smell this anti-kafkian feelings of a soul trapped in the zanjeereyn #saas-bahu theme song: on# of the society which gets liberated through courageous self-determined decisions ; I didn’t “attack” the author, I just said that there should have been more substance in the sauce, it’s as interesting as saying that a “he” married a “gori” or that yellow cars without windows are the main causes of global warming… that’s so… “random”.

    I do believe that inter-racial marriages should be enforced on individuals from patriarchal cultures, it would be the best way to take revenge on the ancestral institutionalized cultural masochism and give poetic justice to the individual (esp. in Pakistan, with the “infected” gene pool)… I don’t share a flagrant optimism about my culture, which eloquently transcends social class – I’m a 21 years old Marxist from the “pind”, with uneducated parents, though my father is far from being misogynist – and I know how oppressive they can be, for both genders.

    The dreadful cycle of misery must end. #Shakespearian gaze#

    Cheers to you, might follow your blog if you sound as exciting there, and congratulations and good luck to S. Khan & C.Recommend

  • Nobody

    @Avatar:
    No, it’s supposed to be a blog. You want news, click ‘Home’ or ‘Pakistan’ or ‘Business’ or ‘World News’ not ‘Blogs.’ Cheers!Recommend

  • http://tradersutra.com hariharmani

    @from india: He learned from from her,she learned nada from him,that is beauty of Islam,it does not to learn any thing form any body,all she has do is open Qurran,she can learn from there.Recommend

  • omar

    If the gora hubby is still non-muslim, then this nikah is haram and the children bare from such a marriage will be titled as ‘Illegitimate’ , as per Islamic Law..Recommend

  • http://Australia Naeem Siddiqui

    Hi Saira Khan,

    Whats the big deal here!! I have seen many Pakistani, Indian, Arabs, Malaysians muslim women are happily married with goras here in Australia :)

    what did you inform which is not known to people !!!?? Muslim women settled in western countries DO MARRY NON-MUSLIM GORAS. yes this is not projected by western media they only project isolated cases of honor killing or force marriage in muslim communities.

    as per my experience/observation cross culture or cross religion marriages in muslims communities living abroad is as common as force marriages/honor killing. Recommend

  • Ahmed

    Have you explained all of our culture to him… ahem…including the jihad, hijab, kafir, sharia and the other key aspects… Just wondering if Goras try to understand it all or if they pick and choose!

    AhmedRecommend

  • Zahid Anwar

    A Muslim Woman is not allowed by Islamic Law to marry a non-Muslim Man. This marraige would be illegal if she really wants her to be called a Muslim.Recommend

  • Arif

    One thing I have yet to understand is that if you are not ready to give up your religion for a person why you expect the other one to convert? Isn’t that called hypocrisy?

    Secondly, interracial marriages is not an issue in US anymore I guess the writer lives in 70s, wake up it’s 2012, no one cares if u marry a black, white or Asian.Recommend

  • ZYX

    Pointless…totally pointless. Who cares who you married? Why write about it on ET as if its such a big deal when your point is that its not? Its actually NOT. The only reason ET publishes this stuff is because even irrelevant gets the spotlight if it fits into their strange world view…promotion of liberal values n all. Seriously, why even bother to call this a news outlet? It should be called something else entirely..this is not news, its not important and its not relevant to anythingRecommend

  • Pakistani

    @Blast Tyrant:
    lol you are a tyrant.ism bamosuma.
    i think people can be attracted towards a religion for many reasons.they might switch it for many reasons too. dont be discouraging.while i might consider it weird or superficial to change religion for someone you love. it simply means that person considers this woman more important in his life than his current religion. Lets hope he can enjoy islam as a blessing.Recommend

  • A BELIEVER

    However, what I have learned over the short span of my life is that our skin colours ultimately don’t matter…….. Good BUT YOUR RELEGION DOES, BUT I THINK YOU ARE TOO “AMERCANIZED” TO THINK ABOUT IT!Recommend

  • http://www.sanahameedbaba.weebly.com Sana Hameed Baba

    Congratulationsssss! :)Recommend

  • Nasamajh

    Religion and culture are big realities which we overlook in our youth.. But this oblivion haunts us once the charm of young age is over.

    And then cases like that of Amina Abdul Razzak come up but there is no use crying over spilt milk then!!!Recommend

  • Fawad

    Let’s see how long it lasts. Best friends may not be best partners. I’m just wondering if you really needed to marry.
    May Allah give you Hidayat, even in raising your kids..Recommend

  • Sane

    @Writer
    Concocted contents.Recommend

  • Vikram

    @C:
    “If you truly think about it, all religions have the same essential basis of doing good towards others, whether that be Catholicism, Islam, or any other faith. I live my life in this manner and Inshallah, that will be enough”

    If all religions have the same essential basis of doing good, why do you need to “CONVERT” just to marry a Muslim woman”. You are making “your conversion” look like a decision arrived after “STUDYING” Islam and not to fulfill the condition that Islam requires a Muslim woman to marry a Muslim man. Islam does not allow Muslim women to marry a Non-Muslim man but it allows Muslim men to marry a non-Muslim woman.Majority of Muslim women are not even allowed to choose their Muslim spouse in Islamic countries like Pakistan. Your spouse cares about her family and religion and wants you to be Muslim that she has to marry a Muslim. just my 2 cents.Recommend

  • Vikram

    @Gori lover:
    “Guys, I am a kuttar Punjabi Pakistani and just married a blonde atheist gori with blue eyes. She’s been my university friend of few years. Should I also write a similar story?”

    Can a Muslim marry an “atheist”? If not you may not even be considered married in the name of “Islam”, so no story for you.

    How come most of these people who don’t care about skin color, happen to choose a gori or a gora and not a Kali or Kala as their spouse.Recommend

  • http://- Abid P. Khan

    @a 54321:
    “because that would mean that the children would be more inclined to follow the fathers religion ie not islam.”

    Would it not be more human, after having achieved adulthood, to let the offspring decide for themselves, whether they want to commit to any/which religion? Remember, the highly publicised no compulsion in religion bit.

    @x
    Mar 29, 2012 – 7:05AM
    “Good luck 2 u both; there is no Quranic injunction against Muslim women marrying Christian men.”

    Can a Muslim woman or she can not marry a man of her choice? Any statistics about the number of elopements or suicides?

    Are you two quoting two entirely different reprints of Quran?Recommend

  • Adnan Khan

    @Nobody:
    “Majority of interracial marriages I’ve seen (and non interracial as well), the mother generally has more say and influence in how the child will be brought up, religious or not”.
    .
    .
    It’s interesting that you brought that up. I am glad somebody did. I would put it in a slightly different way though. Aside from the patriarchal angle (where Naomi Wolfe & Co. will strongly argue that theirs is still a patriarchal culture — but it’s all relative, I agree), wherever the mother is at par (education and/or financially), with the father, the mother has a greater role, more influence in how the kids will be raised.
    .
    For example, traditional blue collar Irish, Italian families in America, compared with professional WASPs in NE. You’d agree that there are tangible differences in the role of a housewife and her relative sphere of influence inside the home.
    .
    All that being said, a dedicated Muslim mother will be relentless and sow the seeds of curiosity in her child, if nothing else, inside a Christian dominated household. But if she herself has self-esteem issues and is a wannabee-gori, then of course, all bets are off.Recommend

  • http://theopinionista.com The Opinionista

    To all the haters and fundos on this page, hate consumes the hater, not the hated.

    No woman needs your approval as to whom she marries.

    This is why I find truth in the statement “To make good and otherwise moral people say and do despicable things…it takes religion.” Like, when an innocent bundle of joy comes into the world “I know, let’s hack off it’s foreskin or clitoris”.

    Take a hike.Recommend

  • http://theopinionista.com The Opinionista

    @C: If you both agree on the big things and share values? If you both agree on how you perceive gender roles, if you both agree to each others choices in food, literature, music, activities, social life etc….Then you’ll make it. I thought Saira’s article was great up until the point that she mentioned your conversion. I’m a British Pakistani Agnostic married to an Algerian Sufi Muslim. It just so happened that I fell in love with a man who grew up in the Muslim culture like I did, it was not a conscious choice. I would have just as happily married a Buddhist or an Atheist.

    My husband did not ask me to become faithful or be initiated into his branch of Sufism and I did not ask him to become an Agnostic. However, this does not mean that we cannot share a spiritual life. I meditate with him occasionally and join him at his Sufi gatherings because I like the people there and they treat me with the utmost respect and do not try to proselytise anything. I have no desire to convert and they don’t have a problem with that, neither do his parents or my brothers in law.

    My husband and I both share values on right and wrong, we have the same respect for sciences, for art, music, the great outdoors, literature, rationality and humanity and as much as we love our families, there is nothing that they could say or do to make either one of us “convert” to the other’s system of belief.

    We regard ourselves as whole human beings and adults and we do not have to seek approval from our parents/families to love them because we realise that patriarchy is a social system that cannot exist unchallenged anymore. It wreaks havoc on peoples’ lives and causes parents to want their children to be a carbon copy of themselves and their beliefs. This is control, not love…any book on abusiveness will teach you that.

    Saira reminds me of myself a few years back. It’s only when I distanced myself somewhat from my family that I got the full respect that I deserved as an individual and wasn’t having their wishes impressed upon me at every chance through the culture argument or emotional blackmail.

    Nobody’s parents should have any say in who one spends one life with. If we teach our children to think for themselves, we should then trust their decisions and only oppose their choice in partner when alarm bells start going off about criminality, irresponsible attitude or abusiveness…not the religion of the partner! Saira should stop seeking the approval of people who will call her a non-Muslim or kafir regardless of whether you convert to Islam or not.

    Please both of you, stop caring so much about what other people think and just live and love for yourselves. Life is too short to try to please everyone….and you both know this already…it is impossible to please EVERYONE.

    Be civil, be humane, contribute to society…but ultimately, please yourselves…not others who “think” that they have your best interests at heart.

    As I said before, love is not love if you don’t accept a human being as he/she is. No-one should be trying to change anyone’s spiritual beliefs prior to marriage, it’s just starting the marriage off on the wrong footing altogether. My humble opinion.Recommend

  • http://theopinionista.com The Opinionista

    @omar:
    Thank you for enlightening us with your inteha pasand wisdom. We are not worthy.Recommend

  • http://theopinionista.com The Opinionista

    @ZYX:
    You obviously care, that’s why you wrote such an angry comment.Recommend

  • Ayesha Pervez

    Congratulations Saira. I dont know what you feel about religion but for me its number one… I could never think of marrying a guy who doesnt share the same beliefs as myself…. I could never be with someone who wasnt a muslim. Recommend

  • http://theopinionista.com The Opinionista

    @Owais Masood:
    As mean as you are…your samosa/whopper comment made me LOL.Recommend

  • http://theopinionista.com The Opinionista

    @Rationalist: Here here to that!Recommend

  • Yousuf Hussain

    since when did Express Tribune became a personal diary? O I forgot. Long time ago. This would’ve looked far more better if you’d posted this on Interracialmatrimonials.com Recommend

  • kaalchakra

    Vikram

    The belief that “all religions are the same” also seems to be an essential part of Hinduism. So like brother C, Hindus should also have no problem anyone converting to Islam or to any other religion if it brings them some tangible benefits. Without offending you, I have always wondered why do any Hindus remain Hindus once they gain adulthood (since by converting to Islam, for instance, they can expand the range of their opportunities – like brother C here – without losing anything important in any other way?). Is it just adherence to blind tradition that keeps (some) Hindus from converting other religions? (am trying to understand the logic, so would appreciate a serious answer – thanks.)Recommend

  • Dr Mustafa

    Another Nonsense by express tribuneRecommend

  • Wajahat

    May you live a happy and righteous life. Ameen!Recommend

  • wasif

    US has allocated billions of Dollars for Media, surely Express Tribune is having a greater chunk of pie to propagate baseless and imaginary stories.Recommend

  • http://- Abid P. Khan

    @KDP:
    “It is time now to convert him !!!”

    If he doesn’t oblige. Show him the Saudi Flag.Recommend

  • http://shafaq-mysay@blogspot.com Shafaq

    Marrying a catholic guy is not legal in islam, n i dont think that making a catholic convert to islam is very difficult , if you know that at the end of this life, he will join you in heaven if he converts. Put his and your after life to peace. Be a complete muslimRecommend

  • kaalchakra

    Sister Nobody

    What a joyful read! So many non-Muslims think that Muslim women participate with Muslim men only because they have no options. Fact is, Muslim women are full partners of Muslim men, they are the backbone of the Islamic system.

    @KDP et al.

    Let brother C breathe a bit. He has promised he will convert. Now it is a matter of time. No reason why he won’t before the marriage, as Islam requires and he has agreed.Recommend

  • Rana

    Its all your choice who you want to marry.

    But you should know that your Allah will never accept the wedding of a Muslim female to a Christian male. No, “love” is not the only thing that matters. You were created here for a purpose, and so was he, and that purpose was to serve your God. Not to marry whoever you wanted even if it goes against your Master’s wishes. I pray he becomes a genuine Muslim, because then, there is nothing wrong with it. Recommend

  • Vikram

    @Pakistani: “Lets hope he can enjoy islam as a blessing” I hope he can go and live in Pakistan for few months and watch “Islam” in action. Best way to know Islam is go live in a country like Pakistan where every one follows Islam and has a “PURE” heart and is a “TRUE” muslim. Islam is a reflection of how Muslims live, as most Muslims say “Islam is a way of life”.Recommend

  • Vikram

    Ayesha Pervez “… I could never think of marrying a guy who doesnt share the same beliefs as myself…. I could never be with someone who wasnt a muslim.” I think it is much easier for a Muslim woman living in West or Europe to choose her husband then some one living in a Muslim countriy. Many Muslims are married to non-Muslims in USA and a few I personally know are happily married. Author did not talk about what she had to go thru to convince her family about marrying this White guy. Muslim girls have been killed in US and Canada just for dating non-Muslims.Recommend

  • shakir ullah

    congrat for ur marriage but it will be better for u that he should accept islam there will be no more confusion in ur lifeRecommend

  • Mr.B

    In love there is no caste, religion, sect or any race…and m sad@u that u wrote, u wudnot marry him if he remains on his religion….what has the religion to do with in understanding development between u both…
    this was an overall good anitiracist article..but the ur conditional approach regarding religion is obnoxious..!..when there their are conditions, the relation is worldly not spiritual or eternal…!!
    kindly! dun do any human right violation, by forcing Mr.C to leave his religion..if u love him then accept him equally as he has done…
    *best wishes*Recommend

  • http://theopinionista.com The Opinionista

    @Mr.B:
    Completely agree with Mr. B.Recommend

  • http://theopinionista.com The Opinionista

    @Vikram: Exactly. A religion is what its people do.Recommend

  • Vikram

    @Adnan Khan: “All that being said, a dedicated Muslim mother will be relentless and sow the seeds of curiosity in her child, if nothing else, inside a Christian dominated household.”

    Now I know why countries like Pakistan are progressing so fast in certain ways, it is because Pakistani grow up in Muslim household with dedicated Muslim moms. I bet talibans who destroyed over 500 girl schools even grew up in more dedicated Muslim households. Do you think things better if there are 4 pure Muslim wives in the houseehold. I can see what these “seeds of curosity” are doing in Pakistan.

    Did you choose to migrate to a country dominated by Christian households or some one forced you to move or you ran away from people given “seeds of curosity”.Recommend

  • http://tradersutra.com hariharmani

    @The Opinionista: I read your impassioned rejoinder to Saira.Well articulated,would have been approved by Khaleel Gibron,in his book” Prophet ‘on chapter ‘Love”(If he was alive today).Dear,respected one,as he defined “love’,now I’m quoting from memory,so forgive me for ,any error. “Love asketh not ,only knows how to give,ask nothing in return,only gives.” I’m glad your concept is also very close to it,and perhaps you live your life that way.I’m happy for your principled stand,but her’s are a done deal,if you read her blog carefully,it is all “C’ who is asked to make sacrifice,his identity,his religion,his self respect,his self esteem,and what is more complete 180* from his previous life,she has side stepped all mention of his family,there was one little clue,”We visit my family every week,but his once in few month’.I have lived in USA for 46 years and I know few things about American,Pakistani,Jewish as well Indian family set up I have seen it all..It is not all Honky-Dory,the way she used the word “Gora” is also a clue of her mind set,in fact she is very proud to have’UNDONE’ him completely,in way a Trophy to her parent’s approval.I have seen happy ending,tragic ending,not so happy one,and also neither happy,nor unhappy like most union.Nothing to be alarmed at best of time in USa,one out two do not end well,so what’s big deal,no sweat of our noses.You used , some where “WHO GIVES A F*TS.Recommend

  • http://tradersutra.com hariharmani

    @Vikram: Some where Mr Kaalchara asked why not all Hindus having known the great religion of Islam,have not converted in drove? yet ?I think you ignored that rant,as coming from a lose cannon.Rightly so,here is my reply Kaalchakra.I’m not even a stounch Hindu,I will not convert,even if Jahangir badshah repeated what he historically did to Guru Arjun,not that I’m any where great as the great Guru,out of my unshakable human dignity,of what my ancestors bestowed on to me,and I expect every one to hold on to their belief,dignity and identity.PERIOD.However every one are not alike,some strong some fickle minded,some get lure of carnal desire,some are weak minded,some fear for life,some want something worldly,to me each to his own.Jesus said ‘Judge not lest thy be judged,”what does man gain the wealth and riches of the world,but in so gaining it loses his Soul’?That’s my Answer,No disrespect to your great religion,like your Prophet(PBUH),no compulsion in religion.See ,for all my Atheist,belief I’m Ok ,even most good Muslims would say,even you grudgengly,I’m sure.Thank you,T.E.,you really advance rational discussion in our troubled world,Good day,Kaalchakra,I have no hard feeling or Malice,towards,you, none.Have a nice day,all.Good Night,Pakistan.Recommend

  • Ashbiel Morris

    If a gora can accept your culture and values, why cant you accept his religion ?Recommend

  • Vikram

    @M Hashmi:
    “My sister married a gora 10 years ago after her first marriage with a Pakistani born and bred guy failed. This gora was already a converted muslim at the time. Both are Mashallah as happy as the first day they got married. Another beauty of Islam.”Do You mean Pakistani guy was ugly and White guy was beautiful? How Islam has anything to do wiith this?Recommend

  • http://tradersutra.com hariharmani

    Dear moderator,I’m extremely beholden to your kindness in letting me express how much I come to depend upon you for my mental agility ,sharpening my thought process,not to speak of my ability in composing my thought,I had thought I have become stagenent in retirement,as I look back,I should have of done lot more with my life than just eke out a living,didn’t Jesus say,Man does not live by,and for bread alone?How true,It reminds me of modern day sage Joshph Cambell reminding us before he died’Follow your Bliss’.Youngman/woman,all over Pakistan/India reach for sky,do not be satisfied with 9 to 5 routine job,however it may pay.Try to do something for your suffering masses.The day we find great number of men and woman with psychology of selfless service to who can not devote themself to anything else to service of man kind and empancipation of the suffering humanity,that day shall inaugurate the era of true freedom and liberty,not before.Lincon,once was asked was he modest,he said no,but I’m certainly humble.We must know our strength without vanity.I’m a joyful person with a sense of humor,without which life would be a burden,specially when in tune with the natural world with all its suffering.In the world we live,the temptations are huge,expectation are massive,but opportunity very limited,especially in our part of the world,so we have to do our best to maximize our limited chances,to waste away in blind Faith,criminal activity is crime against self.The world,the progressive world is leaving us behind,we have lost precious time due to several reasons beyond our control,our leaders do not make our life easy,they compound our heavy burden, we can not afford to lose any more time in counter productive violence,can not go back to 10th century glory,Time is now,grab it while you still can.By publishing what looked to be use less personnel matter,so much was advanced,few people can rethink their priority,I will let you on one small break in chance for me,I was dirt poor,jobless and hopeless,but just happens to be in old Mount Road,now it is called something else in Chennai,almost 50 years ago,in front of USA consulate,just walked in filled up application for immigration,those were the days you could just walk in,me being first class first Engineer did help.Rest is history,never wasted my time,read ferociously.Mostly luck little hard work I guess.It is all doable and possible,just do not be rigid,my way or highway type.Arrogance, and bad manners do not work in the long run,little character,principle may also be plus.Do not ever quit,do not Play Cricket and See Bollywood movie,just kidding.Thanks,good day.Recommend

  • Mufazzil

    I seriously couldnt understand why she has written this blog, when according to her everything is perfect?Recommend

  • Vikram

    @zia virk:
    “I didn’t understand motive behind this story and what needed express tribune to let it publish” We need really good stories like this imam in Pakistan who divorced his wife six times. Before marrying his wife again he let a friend do a halala each time.He seems like a good Muslim. You can find more about this guy, check video .on youtube.Recommend

  • Do not B Angry

    .Angry says “Sindhi Pakistani marrying a poshto Pakistani.At that time no one says race ,color ,religion does not matter” Everything matters, why do you think Pakistanis prefer cousin marriages? Why Arabs don’t let Arab women marry Pakistani men?Recommend

  • kaalchakra

    Hariharmani

    All I needed to understand was why if all religions teach similar things about being good human beings, why not convert to any religion to get any benefit one desires? That would be the only rational option, as in brother C’s case. Sorry, probably I asked a question Hindus can’t answer without getting upset.Recommend

  • Anaa

    The way this “The Opinionista” is defending this blog makes me think its the author from a new id! LOL. quite pathetic.Recommend

  • hina

    Once the novelty has worn off she will get divorced. Why does she have to declare to the world she is marrying a gora as if it is a status symbol?Recommend

  • Ashbiel Morris

    @MSN: true that, i cant agree anymore with you.Recommend

  • Farheen Niazi

    Well honey,, Both Pakistani men and women are very territorial and for right/understandable reasons,, Follow what you think is most important for you in life,, you are well Americanised so might work for you but forget it that you were ever a Pakistani. We only welcome gorees. Gora is a no no, he woudl remain an outsider and be ready if its gonna hurt you.Recommend

  • REPLY

    @ kaalchakra

    Why would anybody want to convert? What whould be the benefit?
    In ancient times, people converted because:
    1. they got power by conversion (like the Qureish after the Prophet conquered Mecca)
    2. due to patronage by the rulers (like the elite who converted and shared power after the muslims conquered Iran)
    3. due to a carrot and stick policy followed by rulers (like Aurangzeb)
    4. due to the conversion of a very powerful ruler whose subjects followed suit (like Emperor Constantine or Emperor Ashoka)
    5. due to fear (like what is happening in some counties like Pakistan where religious minorities don’t have the same rights like the majority, for instance they can’t aspire for the highest office of the land or their testimony does not have the same value)

    In places where there is more secular polity, there is no incentive to convert. The state will treat you just the same whether you are a Muslim or Christian or Hindu or Buddhist or Jew or Jain. Infact in places like India, minorites have reservations and special institutions where they get preferential admission (like AMU in India) Infact the backward classes have 50% reservation in all government institutions for education and jobs.

    So you see there is hardly any benefit in converting to any religion in secular countries. Most Pakistanis will not get the whole picture unless they see it for themselves and compare with what is happening in most Muslim countries. You go the the US and become a citizen then even if you are a Muslim you get the same rights as an Ameican Christian. In Pakistan wven if you are born a Pakistani Christian you don’t have the same rights as a foreign Muslim. And India is the only country which has had a backward class constitution writer, 3 Muslim presidents, 1 Sikh PM – all belonging to the minorites in less than 65 years after independence. The US has had its 1st Black president after 230 years!Recommend

  • Noise

    If hes willing to convert to Islam to marry you then thats good. Nothing wrong with it Islamically.

    Enjoy your gora :)Recommend

  • Zeta

    Utterly pointless. ET’s standards are of 10th grader. Recommend

  • Usman

    I like the positiveness shown in the article! Good luck for future :))Recommend

  • Vikram

    @kaalchakra:
    “ll I needed to understand was why if all religions teach similar things about being good human beings, why not convert to any religion to get any benefit one desires?,,,,, as in brother C’s case.”

    What benefits?? Are you talking about benefits Jihadis will get like 72 virgin hooris, wine, coutches and pearl like boys? Brother C never studied his “own” religion but accepted to convert just to marry a “brown” Pakistani girl. Brother C never thought “how his family” will feel about his converstion to a relgion like Islam. Just imagine a person close to you converting to a “civilized” religion and how will that make you feel. You don’t want to understand anything. Saudis treat Goras like princes and treat Pakistanis like lower caste because Pakistanis are part of the Ummah. You need to grow up. Recommend

  • kaalchakra

    Vikram

    Brother C must have studied his own religion first before he studied Islam. Otherwise how could he reach the conclusion that both teach the same things about being good human beings? Once he had concluded that, then it would have been irrational for him to not convert to Islam if by converting he could get the material benefit he was interested in him (the marriage).

    For the same reasoning it seems very foolish to remain a Hindu when one could get so much more by becoming a Muslim (one can get all that a Hindu can get + all that is available to only a Muslim).

    Anyway, I won’t pursue this argument any further here. It’s something for Hindus who may be looking to expand their material opportunities to think about.Recommend

  • naveed

    @Rooh:
    good to know some one do care, cos we are muslims.what come next kids what about them?Recommend

  • Vikram

    @naveed:
    “good to know some one do care, cos we are muslims.what come next kids what about them?”
    Don’t worry some White converts have become “Jihadi” already. Some even hold leadership positions in al queda. One Dawood Gilani (mom White, dad Pakistani) helped ISI in Bombay 26/11 attacks that killed 40 Indian Muslims and 130 non-Muslims from 12 different countries. I am afraid Western countries will get hurt a lot more by WHITE converts in the coming futureRecommend

  • Hira

    the good news is he’s converting to Islam…Recommend

  • Neelu

    FunnnyyyRecommend

  • Troll, A

    Well, congrats I guess but why do I feel like ET just hosted an overlong Facebook post?Recommend

  • Masti

    No offence, but someone converting to other’s religion is not a sign of love, but a weakness.Recommend

  • Masti

    Although I enjoy visiting ET I am beginning to feel this is a tribute to Facebook.

    It’s great that it is posted in the blog category but I would expect more serious journalism. Something along the lines of The Guardian or the Economist.Recommend

  • sarcistic

    congratzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. …..Recommend

  • TheUglyAmereekan

    I hope the FBI is keeping a close eye on this gora ‘C’. this gora is a potential manchurian candidate. I guess, the homeland security will be more aware once the gora visits his sasural in pakistan and gets a pakistani custom’s stamp on his blue passport.Recommend

  • dante

    You think we actually care who you choose to marry? You’re almost trying your utmost best to justify your marriage to a caucasian as if any of us tribune readers had any problems with it, or anybody complained.Recommend

  • Nosh

    enjoyed it…may God bless u two..! :)Recommend

  • Cycloneous

    @Saira Khan

    I take issue with what you wrote! The moment you mentioned religion, that’s when your article practically went south. You said, “most of all, through all the changes and things to adjust to, he is a man who has no qualms converting to Islam because he knows I would never marry him otherwise.” If your religion is the requirement for marrying this man, than you marrying this man for all the wrong reasons.

    You should marry him because he is good to you and you see him as a life partner, and NOT because he is going to convert to your religion. That is the most stupid reason; seriously now. Very immature if you ask me and very childish. It is NOT your religion that is going to help provide for you, he is. It is NOT your religion that is going to put food on the table, he is. It is NOT your religion that is going to help raise your children, he is. It is NOT your religion that will take you to the hospital when you are about to give birth to your children, he is. You see where I am getting at?

    You can say that, “but this is our culture/religion…..,” to which I say, baloney! You marry some one because of what you see in that person, and NOT because they can be a new member to the club(read religion).

    I don’t care what religion you are. You can worship carrots and bunny rabbits for all I care, but religion should NOT be a prerequisite to love some body. I’m elated with him learning how to speak Urdu, and learning the culture, that is important because communication and understanding one another is important but to force religion on him, that is immature and irresponsible.Recommend

  • AC

    I don’t think you love him as much as he loves you. He gave up everything to be with you, everything he believed in (being raised a catholic) sadly, you wouldn’t do that for him. Recommend

  • PakMan Awais

    u cant be Americanised and Muslim because Americanised people want Muslims dead and thats a fact. a person who wants Muslims dead claims to be a Muslim what i dont understand. Also you cant be Pakistani and American because there is no such such thing. A Pakistani is a person who comes originates from Pakistan and an American is a person who originates from Western Europe from countries like UK, Ireland, Germany, Italy, France, Netherlands and many more. you cant be a Pakistani and Americanised, you chose which one you be and she picked Americanised that also means that she endorses american bombings of Pakistan. I live in the UK and I definitely dont claim to be UKnised because I a Pakistani who is proud being a Pakistani. she aint Pakistani and Pakistan Zindabad. Recommend

  • PakMan Awais

    This post was posted for abuse and nothing less. LolRecommend

  • Syed Shah

    @Aslam Gauri:
    Coz Sir a Muslim man can marry a woman who is ahl e kitab but not a woman. If she has renounced Islam then she can do anything. Not otherwise.Recommend

  • Syed Shah

    @The Opinionista: This is called PBS.Recommend

  • Sana Zia

    really cute post. May you have a blissful married life. When there is appreciation for each other’s culture, cross-cultural marriages like these can actually be a beautiful experience. Lots of prayers your way!Recommend

  • m.

    @ Saira Khan

    Having married a ‘gori’ myself 3 years ago. Let me share a few personal insights.

    My wife was raised catholic but isnt very religious. She was asked to convert by my parents before the wedding. She initially agreed but after a couple of days both of us felt that converting without a spritual change of heart is not very meaningful. She remains catholic and my parents came to terms with it after a couple of months.

    Since the time you posted this blog, you have received 280 comments. Hundreds more have already read the post and have probably passed judgment on you. These people dont matter. What I’ve written does not matter. Live life on your own terms. Having said that, living outside of Pakistan where religion is a personal rather than a societal issue would probably be easier for both of you.

    All the best & congratulations!Recommend

  • Lamss

    I respect your opinion but you feel this way because as you said you’re agnostic. As muslims we’re supposed to be willing to sacrifice our worldly desires in order to follow the right path if we must. Hence such conditions even in pure emotions like love @The Opinionista: Recommend

  • Lamss

    Islam definately is a way of life but the teachings for that is in the Quran and not in individuals. It should be be unfortunately but reality isn’t so. So please don’t try to insinuate that Islam is what Pakistan represents just the way each Hindu, whether a Dalit or a Brahmin isn’t representative of all Hindus. @Vikram: Recommend

  • Lamss

    Did you not know that Sikh & Hindu girls in the UK often have the same fate for dating outside their community?? Maybe you should read ‘Daughters of Shame’ from Jaswinder Sanghera. @Vikram: Recommend

  • Lamss

    It would have been great to know that non Muslims and possibly non Pakistanis vist & comment on these blogs if it weren’t for the fact that they’re all so hate fuelled & insulting like yours are. If you had presented your comments in a less emotional approach, I may have even bothered trying to understand your point of view. @Vikram: Recommend

  • Vikram

    @Lamss:
    “As muslims we’re supposed to be willing to sacrifice our worldly desires in order to follow the right path if we must”

    How many Muslims actually do what you say? What percetage of Muslim men actually lower their gaze when they see a non-related woman, I mean lower gaze to avoid her and not check out her bodyRecommend

  • Lamss

    @Vikram: Dude, why do you care what Muslim men are/are not doing?? I judge human beings on an individual level, I don’t bundle them all in any one category.If I am to be so judgemental then I would say that forget muslim men, men in general are vile! Recommend

  • Sweet Khan

    I think what you should clarify is that whether you are an American born Pakistani and a Muslim. If you don’t care about the word Muslim attached with your identity, then it truly doesn’t matter whether you marry a christian man or Jewish. and If you do care about Islam and its teachings, then you shouldn’t have married this person belonging to another religion. But anyway, its your personal matter, and I wish you best of luck, and congratulations on your marriage and stay happy. Recommend

  • eman

    oh God, i wasted my 10 mins reading this…Recommend

  • uzma

    Congratulations dear! What matters is heart, not the color of one’s skin, manner’s not nationality, acceptability and trust that’s it. If a gora can give u all that then WHo Cares black or white..etc…Best of luck! Recommend

  • Alishba

    C is trying to learn all about a Pakistani girl, like her culture, her language, and the family values etc. May be he will feel like to learn more about her religion also. (INSHA’ALLAH). Sara has shared her feelings through this blog. It’s her life and she has the right to live like she wants. My husband is Canadian and a Muslim, but he is more like westernized. Pakistani men and women have so much tendency to talk about others and make it an issue. And i’m sorry to say the Gora people are far better than Muslims, because they are honest and value human lives. We are so-called Muslims. Moreover, no one would be responsible for her act, like marrying a Non-Muslim. Asking questions like IS IT ALLOWED IN ISLAM seems you are going to marry, instead of Sara.
    Well Congratulation Sara ! If you two are compatible, sincere, and like each other, marry him. If he can do so much for you to be with you, may be one day he will convert to Islam also.

    ALLAH bless you !Recommend

  • Vikram

    @Alishba comments “And i’m sorry to say the Gora people are far better than Muslims, because they are honest and value human lives. ……may be one day he will convert to Islam also.

    C is trying to learn all about a Pakistani girl, like her culture, her language, and the family values etc

    Don’t you think “Pakistani girl” should also learn everything about the Gora? If Goras are better then Muslims why you wish he will beome a Muslim like Pakistani Muslims.Recommend

  • furqan

    People forget the religious values. Hell to this express tribune..Hell to your liberalism. Hell to all those who confuses people on religion. Recommend

  • Alishba

    @Vikram:
    i am wishing him to be muslim , but not like Pakistani muslim at least …n that guy is taking so much interest in Sara’s culture, language n family values, then y not in religion? If he doesn’t convert then it’s also OK for sara. If he does, it will be also good. The problem here is people make the religion a big issue. If C has all good qualities and convert into muslim, it will be more good. I am not saying to force him to convert into muslim. Sara is already living there n she must know all about goras…that’s y shes going to marry him…..we all know better that marrying a non-muslim is not allowed in our religion..but it’s sara’s life and she will be answered to ALLAH for this. We don’t have any right to stop her marrying a gora, n writing blogs against her. And yes goras r better. They don’t cheat and kill each other like muslims r doing in pakistan, we should learn from them, cause they have adapted the principles of islam like honesty, tolerance n just. If sara is learning about them in a positive way, then it ain’t bad.Recommend

  • Vikram

    @Alishba: says
    “If C has all good qualities and convert into muslim, it will be more good” .

    You seem to be a nice person. My question is why “it will be more good” if C becomes a Muslims. Do you think his family will may get hurt if he becomes a Muslim?Recommend

  • http://maniac-moments.blogspot.com/ Ammara
  • Kashif

    Please send us or Publish your weddings Pics on tribune we are eagerly waiting …Recommend

  • Alishba

    @Vikram:

    As C has proposed Sara, So I guess C’s parent should digest this.

    One of the family may will have to get hurt….but they both should think about their kid, who is going to start a new life…the parents have lived their lives, and now they should let their kids to take their decisions and accept it. I am sure both of their parents must have taught their kid enough well about their religion, culture and family values, but there’s a saying ‘JUB MIYA B.V RAAZI TO KIA KARE QAAZI ‘.
    Both are best friends, matured, working professionally and can think about their good and bad, so there’s no point fussing over WHO IS WHO…..and what will be the consequences.Recommend

  • Arooj

    I’m surprised at this blog post… Sharing your story with people, fine. But I’m pretty sure you have an idea about the kind of feedback you will be getting on your post, especially adding something like “I believe I have found a keeper and I don’t care if any one thinks other wise.”…
    Seriously???

    Why share something so personal on a website like ET in the first place? Also the people who have been commenting on this post: Have you nothing better to do? What the writer is doing with her life is for her to deal with… I’m pretty sure you can find something productive to do instead of all your ‘Astagfirullahs’ or other things you have been going on about here.

    Wish you and C all the very best for your life ahead…

    P.S. There’s nothing wrong with Saira mentioning her partner as C, if people are so concerned about it, why not lead by example by sharing your pen partners names in your comments?Recommend

  • Adeela

    Even though the post seemed mundane to a few of the commenters, it seem relevent to what I am going through. I recently married a warm and kind ‘white’ man in Europe. Of course our parents were involved in the wedding and it all went well until 2 days after the wedding when my father received some very disturbing emails. In those emails (written in urdu), the people used fake European names and claimed I was an ‘apostate’. They also wrote several times that if my husband and I ever returned to Pakistan, there is a danger to both our lives.

    And this is just tip of the iceberg. Over 100 of my facebook friends received similar emails from fake id’s. The local police here has identified their IPs to originate from Pakistan.

    Of course it only strengthens my relationship with my husband (who chose to be a Muslim for the sake of our future children) and my parents. I am very happry with my decision to marry him.

    The blog entry above have be a smooth chick-flick sounding to some, but there are others like me who find themselves facing morons with a myopic view on morality.Recommend

  • Waqar Hussain

    You noticed that he is enjoying food with you guys, he is enjoying jokes with you guys etc. etc. but but you didn’t notice that he is enjoying his religion and not seems to follow yours. If you call yourself Muslim then follow Islam in true way, or don’t call yourself Muslim.Recommend