I’m a Pakistani marrying a gora

Published: March 28, 2012

I have found someone who values not only me and my family but also my language, my culture - everything that was previously foreign to him. PHOTO: REUTERS

The past 10 days have been very eventful for me – no, scratch that-  they have been momentous; I received some excellent news about my future, went on a wonderful business trip to the sunny state of California, and yesterday my gora (foreigner) best friend asked me to marry him.

I said yes, in case you were wondering. Yes, I am the other half of an interracial couple.

The funny thing about being in an interracial relationship is that in a world where everyone is always talking about race, that’s the last thing on my mind when I’m with C. To me, he isn’t a white man and me a brown woman. He is my best friend who understands and loves me. That’s it.

To think that there are people out there who consider us to be some sort of an abomination really amazes me. Keeping that in mind, race tends to rear its head in almost all other situations.

C and I come from totally different worlds– two worlds that, when we are together don’t matter much, but when we step out of our little bubble, is swarming around us. I am a Pakistani-American and he is a born and bred Caucasian American. His family is Catholic, mine is Muslim.

Each of those things represents a lot of differences. However surprisingly, they have all come together to create a really great and compatible ‘us’.

Over the past few years, I have been watching C trying to understand my culture, and it has been an entertaining and fascinating journey. I won’t lie, the journey part has mostly been from his side, I tend to sit back on the sidelines with amusement and adoration, watching him stumble around my family trying to figure out what’s the right way to eat something.

However, after four years I have learned that it doesn’t matter how he eats my mother’s chicken biryani - hands, forks, spoons, with yogurt, without yogurt, or even with naan (flat-bread) *the horror*- what matters is the fact that he enjoys eating it.

Who cares that he sounds silly when he tries to pronounce things in Urdu, all I care about is that he doesn’t get mad when we laugh at him for sounding funny in the first place. He understands that my family is loving and if they are making fun of him, it means they consider him as one of them.

He also understands that I am very close to my family and that I will try to see them as often as possible, even if it means going to their place once a week, and while he may not join me every time, he appreciates my longing for my family and tries to accompany me whenever he can. Most of all, through all the changes and things to adjust to, he is a man who has no qualms converting to Islam because he knows I would never marry him otherwise.

Growing up, I never thought I would end up marrying a white man. My best friends, however, disagreed. According to them they always knew that I couldn’t marry a Pakistani – apparently I was always too “Americanised”. However, what I have learned over the short span of my life is that our skin colours ultimately don’t matter.

What is important is whether your significant other cherishes you and your family; in C, I have found someone who values all that and along with it also my language, culture and food – everything that was previously foreign to him.

Now he sits at our family dinner table and prefers more spices in his food than my father and laughs with my mother on one silly joke or another. He joins in when we tease my sister and laughs just as hard as us when my five-year-old niece accidentally ‘fur-furs’ (Arabic for err… passing gas).

I believe I have found a keeper and I don’t care if any one thinks other wise.

Read more by Saira here and follow her on Twitter @sairakh

Saira Khan

Saira Khan

A Pakistani-American who lives in Baltimore but loves Karachi. She is currently employed as a legal marketing editor and hopes to obtain a Masters in Journalism. Saira tweets @sairakh.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Owais Masood

    O meee gawdddd. You r soo kewllll Marriiied too aa goraaaa. HoW u Do deez ? Pls Tell us . YouuUU are sooo Kewll. ommeee gawddd SOo Mawdern sooo Enlighhtened , Unlikeee Usss Phainduuuss who Eat Samoosas not WhopperRecommend

  • http://theopinionista.com/ The Opinionista

    @Saira K.:

    I think those who are making comments about “why did you bother to write about this” don’t seem to understand what a taboo it is in Pakistani Muslim societies for a woman to marry outside of her race/religion.

    I also think that it’s nobody’s business what your fiance’s name is so, here here to what you said. You don’t need to explain yourself to hateful fools.

    However, on your third point, no-one said that you were forcing him to convert, I just personally find it sad that you made such an ultimatum towards a man who obviously loves you. You seem far too concerned with the marriage being “recognized in Islam nor by my family.”

    No matter what others may tell you, (I had the whole “marriage is about the joining of two families” spiel too. I’m of Pakistani origin and was born and brought up in England), who you decide to spend your life with is your choice (and your fiance’s) alone. You remind me of myself a few years back, looking for approval from my parents and family who despite thinking that they had my best interests at heart…really weren’t. They care too much about the honour/shame dichotomy, what the neighbours will think and there is far too much patriarchy in our culture Saira.

    Humanity, love and friendship supersede religious beliefs and I – like others on this thread – politely advise you not to ask your fiance to convert. And sorry to play this card, and I’m not judging how much of a Muslim you are or not (it’s none of my business), but to a conservative Muslim who will see your Twitter pics? You will not be accepted as “Islam compliant”….so why are you even trying to please people who cannot be pleased?

    You don’t strike me as someone who is a devout Muslim, more someone who is culturally Muslim. Why not be honest about that and just be comfortable with who you are instead of trying to please your family all the time?

    Like me (a few years back) you seem to be far too reliant on your family members for happiness and caught up in the deep deep patriarchy that runs through our culture. Like you, I was also visiting my family regularly whilst living 200 miles away from them…it did me little good in reality…I just became more and more accepting of their lack of rationality and lack of GENUINE tolerance for otherness. I do hope that you see the light.

    Once again, I don’t think you need to justify to anyone on this comments page why you added the disclaimer or not. I get it and so do most people with half a brain.

    I hope that you will stop justifying your actions and choices to your friends, family and complete strangers and I hope that you will find the energy to say “no, he’s absolutely fine as he is, I don’t need to change him”. You can still both be spiritual together without your fiance saying the Shahada, giving up pork and the occasional drink. As long as you both share the same values about the big stuff and our open minded towards one another’s preferences…you will be fine. If you don’t agree on the big stuff e.g. drinking, gender roles/equality, how you wish to bring up children etc…don’t get married.Recommend

  • Hira

    @ Me – Please take a bow!Recommend

  • siris

    ET is becoming like the Sun newspaper or the many moronic papers in US. Who cares who marries who?Recommend

  • http://- Abid P. Khan

    @Adnan Khan:
    “You will try and incorporate some of your own events, like say Eid. But then, his holidays, will start to take precedence. And it’s not just Christmas for these Catholics. They have all sorts.”

    I like every religion that has eating and drinking as the main goal of life. Though I am a follower of The Yellow Monkey Faith, yet believe that Angelina Jolie is a Goddess. Recommend

  • Nobody

    Interesting read… and a lot of mixed feelings apparently. To the people saying they wasted their time by reading it, why’d you click on the link then? The headline should’ve told you what to expect. And to all those arrogantly commenting on the ‘Pakistani-ness’ or ‘American-ness’ of the writer, I’m a bit stunned to see how entitled some people feel when commenting on whether a foreign born Pakistani is Pakistani or American or desi or gori. I’m a foreign born Pakistani myself and nobody can tell me how Pakistani I am or am not. And fyi, American is a nationality, Pakistani is an ethnicity.
    More to the point, I wish the author and her soon to be hubby all the best. Ignore the naysayers, there will be plenty unfortunately. Cheers! :)Recommend

  • geeko

    @The Opinionista:
    Why ascribe everything to “patriarchy” ? What if a guy said “I’m a Pakistani marrying a gori” ? Most of the peoples would have the same reaction : “…and ? Good for you.”
    There are thousands of cases involving both sexes, what’s new ?
    Especially when the individual is based in a Western country, he’s/she’s not really “Pakistani” but a Westerner, so even the feminist, nearly-sociological framework when encountering inter-racial relationships incl. Muslim women doesn’t really work, as the dynamics of social and cultural pressure are different in the USA or the UK than, say, in Pakistan or Iran.
    In fact, I’m sure that the author is from the middle-upper class, and that’s why her relationship was more easily acceptable – you’re from the UK, where Pakistanis went as a cheap labour force, I’m sure your parents had a whole other idea.Recommend

  • Waseem

    Saira
    You rightly pointed out that your FAMILY is Muslim………what about you?? Coz if you are a muslim or aspire to stay one as per the teachings of Quran and sunnah you are not allowed to marry a catholic or any non muslim for that matter. Yes religion does matter and we live in a culture and societies where all of us follow certain RULES/LAWS. You cant call yourself a Muslim if you being a women marry a non Muslim. Thats a fact. Convert him to Islam and by all means you are free to marry Mr “C”. Else its a sin and making it public makes it even more sinful.Recommend

  • http://tradersutra.com hariharmani

    @Peaceman: No one truly Muslim is never could be fully American even if they could or wish,In Islam there is no half way American/Muslim.,she found out so all of us to.Why blame her to some measure we all live in fantasy world.She could not have,in all other religion,yes,not Islam.Her family and Islam would not recognise their marriage.Recommend

  • Sadia

    Aww this was so sweet, seriously. Hope you two have a great life together :-)Recommend

  • Rationalist

    yea, race dont matter for desis, eh. I’ll believe you desis when a Pakistani girl marries a through and through black guy and post a similar story on ET. Then my ideas of desi racism towards blacks will become history.Recommend

  • http://americanpunjabanpi.blogspot.com American Punjaban PI

    “To me, he isn’t a white man and me a brown woman. He is my best friend who understands and loves me. That’s it”

    That is the glue that holds an intercultural couple together. Looking past the skin color. It sounds like you’re already working well together and should have little difficulty overcoming the challenges you’ll face together. That’s really wonderful. There’s a healthy sized community of gori/desi or gora/desi couples out there and quite a few blog. I’m going to include your post on a website a few of us have put up called The Gori Guide. I think this is valuable insight for a lot of other couples. Recommend

  • http://tradersutra.com hariharmani

    @The Opinionista:You have your head screwed on right,you wrote very sanely,as you seem to have traversed some difficult path.I’m not a person who follows any particular religion I have been here since my teens and now I have son who is 42.I have a fair amount the idea the way Muslims particularly Pakistani family life is.They are caught in no man’s land,they love the freedom,comfort,jobs, and everything which Western lives gifts ,but they can not break away from the shackeles of the old country specially the religious taboo.Its tantacles are very strong.Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches,only Saira knows.Marriage is nightmare for people with daughters and some sons too.Why I know this because I have seen it all,in my stay of half a century here.There is price Asians pay ,when we leave our country,whatever you may term it.We never there nor here,caught emotionally rudderless as it seems,that is where Poor Saira has found herself,most girls of our land,to be honest with you dread marring from their community,WHY?They have seen their mother,having not very pleasant time with her father.That is best I can explain her blog,there is lot un said here and it stink to high haven.But episode like this will do some good to some of the people,I hope so.For some it is warning and for some too late.You did well.Good day.Recommend

  • Pensive

    Congratulations! I am sure your dad is very proud of you…Recommend

  • http://tradersutra.com hariharmani

    I did not like the way Miss Saira,called her beau”GORA”,it was not in good taste,one who is in journalism ought to use better term.What does that mean?,you do not need to explain,but this term gora was offensive.Hope you use better judgement in life.Recommend

  • sana … hi saro …

    salam saro ,
    great news …. this is sana ( ur cousin from Pakistan.) Tabish got engaged today .,..now this pleasant news of yours … i am very happy for u … congrats ….. and yes there is no kala and gora in Islam kiddo … just love ..the basic thing Allah ask us as a woman is not to marry a non Muslim as usually females have to adjust with their husband’s mind set specially when kids come up which move u away from Allah ‘s path ( so in a way it is a mercy on us.) but a Muslim man can marry a non Muslim ( ppl of bk ) bec it is the last invitation of Allah to the said non Muslim female to come near the fold of Islam and c herself how her religion and Islam relates .. it is a reminder to her ( a female marring a Muslim )and it is a safety net for us ( a Muslim female marriage Islamic boundaries.) if the guy make u happy then I am all for it … by the way u look more like Mitu in the attached pic then ever before ..

    Allah Hafiz n yes give my Salam to C and tell him … welcome to the family …. Hope Allah makes his journey towards Him an easy one ..with no bumpy rides… If He calls to the Creator ” C” will find Him without anyone’s help even urs… God Bless both of u .. Recommend

  • Ayesha Khan

    @kaalchakra: “Every Pakistani ought to be proud of her.”

    Why should a Pakistani Hidu or a Christian be proud of her? By using the word Muslim and Pakistani interchangeably. you are totally discounting the Pakistan citizenship of non-Muslim Pakistanis. You should have said every Pakistani Muslim rather than simply every Pakistani. I am sensitive to this issue. If Indians used the term Hindus and Indian interchangeably, I would not be happy. Fortunately in India no-one does that.Recommend

  • Mustafa Moiz

    So why did you care about him converting to Islam if you didn’t care about him being a Pakistani?Recommend

  • Homa

    If you really loved him, you would not expect him to convert but you would accept him for who he is. Your love is not unconditional. Recommend

  • http://tradersutra.com hariharmani

    @Rationalist: There are no greater bigots and racist than us bar none,want a fair white,good looking bride/groom,have you seen a dark black actress in bollywood?,do you think most girls in India/Pak are that fair?Not a chance,we are bigots against black is understatement.Period,that why she used the term”GORA” not American,it would have meant Latino,Black or Jew and worse Indian American,very perseptive of you,good observationRecommend

  • C

    @kaalchakra:
    Just to be clear, I didn’t say that all religions are the same. I simply said that the foundation of any religion is to be good to others. That is how I try to live my life, and that’s all I was trying to say.Recommend

  • Cynical

    @Saira K

    Are you marrying a man or a religion?
    Also, you go gaga about his effort to understand/appreciate your culture/food/jokes/language/YOUR way of life in general; but how much did you try to understand/appreciate his? Recommend

  • http://www.zealforwriting.blogspot.com Sarah B. Haider

    Your life. Your choice. Nothing novel in marrying a gora. I guess this was yet another attempt to invite “Islamists” to come forward and deliver a fatwa on the marriage being out of Islamic context, so that the emotional one’s come and quote Quranic Verses and Hadith here in an attempt to “change the author’s mind and direct her toward the right path’, while the rest can sit back and enjoy the sudden trigger of reaction and can bash them. A typical ET blog.

    Btw, sweet post. Have a happy married life ahead of you :)Recommend

  • Raza

    Good for you. Personally I only read the article to see if your man was converting or not; because regardless of how conservative or liberal one, marrying a non-Muslim man is not allowed. Glad to see you got that spot on. Have a good life :).Recommend

  • Sahar Husain

    Many congrats to you and C, Saira.
    He sounds incredibly sweet and here’s hoping you have a beautiful, long life together. He’s definitely a keeper so appreciate him and never forget that. All the best!Recommend

  • Amjad

    @Saladin: Most Pakistanis who are settled in the US or West tend to look down upon mixed marriages, especially with non Muslims. I know that most of my generation of 2nd generation Pakistanis have no intention of marring a European American or African American because the majority of these marriages wind up in messy divorces in under 5 years. It’s sad to see the fall out, especially when children are involved. I agree that there is good and bad in all cultures and there is nothing wrong in marrying a European, Indian, Chinese or African but at the end of the day, culture, language and religion do matter. From my experience people change as they get older and the majority of mixed marriages in the West do not turn out successfully. I hope yours is one of the exceptions.Recommend

  • Ali Tanoli

    crossed culture marieges are failure of all the time i have witniced lot of my friends and some
    lost there children too its gonna barak Husain obama sitting in church mamaRecommend

  • Abbas from the US

    @Rationalist:

    I disagree with your conclusions about race in the Pakistani mindset. Race as in caste is an inherited cross that the Pakistanis carry without their even realizing it as part of the common cultural heritage that they share with Indian Hindus.

    However there are at least two cases that I am personnally aware of where Pakistani girls have married American Blacks who happened to be already Muslim, without the underlying cause for an expression of rascism.

    I see a lot of ills that are associated with religion in general and with my own cross that I may have carried for decades before achieving mental liberation. But despite my views on the serious shortcomings of my own cultural heritage which you might be viewed in terms of the human creation of a divinity, let me make an observation that holds true all over America.
    The Friday prayer congregation that the Muslim males observe, is the most deseggregated religious service with the widest range of the human race and ethnic groups present that one can find in America. The average Hindu congregation has typically people from India and of Indian origin with an Hare Krishna white devotee showing a an occaisional presence.

    As for Christianity in America, Sunday morning is the most seggregated hour in racial terms that you will see anywhere in the world.Recommend

  • Gori lover

    Guys, I am a kuttar Punjabi Pakistani and just married a blonde atheist gori with blue eyes. She’s been my university friend of few years. Should I also write a similar story? Recommend

  • Hadi Hazara

    The problem with the most of the Pakistani and Muslims is that they all think that being a Muslim justifies everything that one does – moral or immoral, prejudice or discriminating thoughts. But that is not the case unfortunately.

    You can be as good as possible without being a Muslim and you can be good and a Muslim as well at the same time.

    I really don’t understand why this writer makes public her private choice. Who cares?

    I thought by the title that it might contain some brilliant paradoxical stuff that would give some food for thought but it was another pre-mature typical-Pakistani girl’s private stuff.Recommend

  • kaalchakra

    Indi-Pop

    Please go a little easy on the criticism.

    (1) The lady never said she loved him. He pursued her. She found him interesting. She made her love for Islam clear. He agreed. She agreed.

    (2) He thinks all religions are the same. He could be a Muslim, as easily as a Catholic, or anything else. So there is no problem here.

    He sees ‘everything is the same’. We see the power and the method of Islam. Everybody is happy. Reading anything more into this is quite problematic.Recommend

  • Syed Shah

    Only one question. Has he converted to Islam? I dont want to use the word reverted coz that is nonsense.Recommend

  • http://Yahoo. Aslam Gauri

    If he is not asking her to changer her religion,why is she forcing him to change his religion?Very unfair.He Recommend

  • x

    Good luck 2 u both; there is no Quranic injunction against Muslim women marrying Christian men.Recommend

  • MSN

    “….he is a man who has no qualms converting to Islam because he knows I would never marry him otherwise.” ….Seriously ??

    Please change the title to ” How I trapped my Bakra” !!

    I am sorry for the guy already. Recommend

  • usmanx

    File article in the “Look at me!” syndrome Cabinet.Recommend

  • arrrghh

    I would like to ask you about your marital status after a year or two. Till then Apka Allah e hafiz hai..Recommend

  • Haroon

    The fact that he is converting to marry you and you are not willing to change shows your narrow mindedness and rigidity. And you talk about being open, you are a contradiction to yourself.Recommend

  • abid

    What if Mr C was A Kala instead of Gora ?? Your story reminds me an short story’ by Razia Fasih Ahmed (if am not wrong).

    I will wait if anyone write about his Kala American Husband.Recommend

  • Scorpion

    Dear Saira!!!!

    Can you please ask your “Mr. C”, to be a Muslim, If he really Loves You, Your Family and Culture?…..Recommend

  • http://India Feroz

    If you love someone you marry them, gora or kaala does not matter – one simply goes to the Registry office and registers the marriage. However you want him to convert before marrying you. It seems your love is quite shallow. If you place Religion above your Love he will know you wanted everything and gave nothing. He will not object today but will remember for the rest of his life. When you become old and wrinkly he will find a better alternative to cohabit with. Same fickleness for love paid back with interest. My advise register your marriage – let him go to church on Sunday, you go to the mosque on Friday. Recommend

  • A well-wisher

    “Most of all, through all the changes and things to adjust to, he is a man who has no qualms converting to Islam because he knows I would never marry him otherwise.”

    There you go! The C word! You are trying to come across as a progressive modern woman, but why are you “forcing” him to convert?Recommend

  • Stewie Griffin

    Imma marry a navi chick.Recommend

  • Adeel

    Have you ever stopped to consider what your kids’ religion would be and if they turned Catholic, how would you as a Muslim feel?Recommend

  • Ali Nasir

    So what is the news ? Is ET is rishta place ? lol. Its your life do whatever you want to do, why the write a blog and thumbs for the ET editor.Recommend

  • Sana Sarwar Khan

    Salam C & Saira,

    Congrats to both of u … and C welcome to the family ( this is Saro’s cousin from Pakistan ) . I am happy for both of u .Rem. one of the basic thing which Islam gave us is equality.

    as Muhammad ( peace be upon him) declared:
    “There is no superiority for an Arab over a non-Arab and for a non-Arab over an Arab, nor for the white over the black nor for black over the white except in piety.”

    Muslims girls cannot marry a non Muslim . This command of Allah is actually a blessing on girls bec we tends to usually follow ( if not all) mind set of their husbands especially once the kids are here … 2ndly Muslim men can marry non Muslims ( only PPl of Bks which are Christians and jews.) bec it is Allah’s last invitation to these girls to look from within Islam as to how Islam , Christianity and Judaisms r interlinked and How every Prophet came with the same message of one true God .

    So it is nothing to create any controversy … it is precaution set by Allah for Muslim girls and an invitation to non Muslim girls ..

    . what I always felt from this law of Allah is that these simple thing show us How Merciful He is …. God Bless both of u … and C I do no ur name and I would definitely like to meet u when u visit Karachi.. take care n b happy together in ur journey of life…Recommend

  • Spaniard

    Is that a story of film by Mahesh Bhatt..whats so interesting in it…sorry writerRecommend

  • Zoro

    Everything falls flat on face … when u have mentioned that he has no qualms in converting to Islam… obviously you will be blessed by your brothers and Sisters… Otherwise … you would have been a dead woman by now …
    Consider changing the Title of your writeup… It gives a false impressionRecommend

  • Alam

    “Most of all, through all the changes and things to adjust to, he is a man who has no qualms converting to Islam because he knows I would never marry him otherwise.”

    Would he still convert, if u refused? Come on !Recommend

  • shareef

    what a useless blogspot.Go and get married.No one is interested at all!!why you are telling us??????Recommend

  • TMohsin

    I’m a Pakistani marrying a Pakistani..thinking to write a blog about my wedding preparations on ET..lolRecommend

  • Veena Support Fund

    I like afghan tikka and white babesRecommend

  • Hamid

    I think ET is trying to change mind set of our society for future devours.Recommend

  • prabhjyot singh madan

    The love story was heartening to read till the point, the bloke had to covert. Again, religion wins and the sanctity of love is lost in between. Love is without conditions. It is a cardinal point of being called love. One guy lost his culture and heritage in the process because of his naivety. Saira and Mr c should have learnt about both religions and respected them both because Mr c family is still christains . The kids will be confused lot about their paternal grand parents family and will start comparing them with their parents faith later in life. When it is already decided Islam will be followed and christainity has no place at home, the road to division is already in place. By teaching about both faiths without conversion would have calmed the young minds at home. Now it will be a case of “. Us and them ” against the blokes family. Lastly, what religion has to do with true love ? Love is and always about “no conditions”. Sat Sri akal . Cheerio. Take care everyoneRecommend

  • intensions

    @ Alam :Would he still convert, if u refused? Come on !

    Reply : that’s an answer only C can give u ..Recommend

  • Ali Khan

    To all the pseudo-intellectuals proclaiming that love and respect is higher than religion:

    For a Muslim woman, marying a non muslim man is SIMPLY NOT ALLOWED and is HARAM both in Quran and Sunnah. The warnings and punishments are all there in the texts for the enlightened to read and understand.

    You can food the people. But not God. In the end, we will all turn towards him after we die. Love and respect is another thing. But nothing supersedes Islam.

    Period.Recommend

  • Parvez

    @M Hashmi: Your comment is a contridiction in itself. It proves that Islam has nothing to do with it.Recommend

  • Maxwood

    @ Khurram Mansoor . You are a geniousRecommend

  • Ziber

    yaawwn…,mmmm so where were we?Recommend

  • zia virk

    I didn’t understand motive behind this story and what needed express tribune to let it publish. The other thing is this marriage would be void because its against islamic provisions. One has to accecpt islam completely not just the part which favours the one. I strongly discourage it, we should strongly discourage it n dislike it !Recommend

  • a 54321

    congrats :) ameen to the duas.
    but fyi, pakistanis are the same race as white people. there are only 3 races in the world: caucasoid, mongoloid and negroid. pakistanis are caucasoid.Recommend

  • Ismail

    totally a fake story, seems ET wants to give a “special” message to pakistani girls.Recommend

  • Haris Chaudhry

    @amna:
    Lady, Did anyone force you at gunpoint to read this story..? Relax and just pretend to be happy for someone, if you cant get yourself to be really happy for others…Recommend

  • Haris Chaudhry

    @Ali Tanoli:
    learn to write english properly before you get on your high horse criticising everyone for their personal choices…Recommend

  • Yousuf

    Another lame article by a lame writer. Do we really care, if you marry a Caucasian or black. What a wastage of space and words, It wasnt worth blogging.Recommend

  • Kafka

    Umm is this a teenage Dear Diary page? TMI!!!Recommend

  • http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/author/749/muhammad-umair-savul/ Umair Savul

    Dear Author its an open blog not ur facebook account where u will share such stupid things… Get some other space for publishing useless things. Whether u marry a gora or a kaala its absolutely your choice but i can assure you that the readers are not interested in your gora or kaala husband story. Recommend

  • Who cares

    Confession time !!!! I HAVE MARRIED AN Extraterrestrial. I am not even sure what sex it is. But my family and “its” whole planet is awaiting my arrival. We plan to live in an alter universe, far away from reality, “zing” ….. Recommend

  • http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/author/749/muhammad-umair-savul/ Umair Savul

    @M Hashmi:
    Your bro-in-law was already converted Muslim and i’m sure he would have surely converted from all his heart n mind but Mr. C the gora guy converted just for the sake of marriage not for religious degree.
    Grounds of conversion matters..Recommend

  • Aizaz

    I marriied a Chinese from Singapore, she is my partner a real companion, which my previous Pakistani, Muslim wife never was, sadly. But c’est la vie. Enjoy your life, your mental freedom, your companionship, partnership. Because you will not get it in our culture say what you like.Recommend

  • http://www.angry.com angry

    its all depend on parents Muslim Pakistani girls are not that daring I am amazed to read how modern her parents are .otherwise marrying a normal sunni Pakistani marrying shai Pakistani is big fat issue. Or sindhi Pakistani marrying a poshto Pakistani.At that time no one says race ,color ,religion does not matter .

    Hypocrite people Recommend

  • http://- Abid P. Khan

    @Raza:
    “marrying a non-Muslim man is not allowed”

    What happened to the claim that women have equal rights in Islam?Recommend

  • usman

    reading this article is waste of time…. to me it seems that ur living in bolloywood …

    Try again to write a good piece.Recommend

  • Ahmed HM

    Good for you, I just wasted sometime reading an article about your marriage with Mr. C.
    You seem too happy, no wonder you wrote a blog about it. Recommend

  • ans to Abid

    @Abid P. Khan plz read Sana Sarwar Khan ‘s comment for ur answer regarding this law of marriage.. for further explanation plz read the below :

    a Muslim woman is better suited to a Muslim man than a woman of Christian or Jewish faith, regardless of her merits. This is because marriage is not based on fulfilling one’s sexual desires; rather, it is an institution. It aims to establish a home on the bases of tranquility, faith and Islamic morals. To fulfill this task, the whole family must apply Allah’s course and try to convey His message.

    It is obvious that Islam made it impermissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim with aim of keeping her away from things that may jeopardize her faith. In fact, Islam aims at protecting religion. To achieve this goal, it prohibits a Muslim from being involved in something that represents a threat to his religion. A Muslim woman will not feel that her religion is secure while being with a Jewish or a Christian husband especially as the majority of the People of the Book do not show due respect to our Prophet, Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him).

    Allah Almighty says: “And the Jews will not be pleased with thee, nor will the Christians, till thou follow their creed. Say: Lo! The guidance of Allah (Himself) is Guidance. And if thou should follow their desires after the knowledge which hath come unto thee, then wouldst thou have from Allah no protecting friend nor helper.” (Al-Baqarah: 120)

    Given the fact that the husband is generally the head of the household, it’s not far-fetched for a non-Muslim husband to prevent his Muslim wife from performing some Islamic rituals which may seem a nuisance to him, for example fasting, or even refraining from marital relations during the fast. As a result, he might force her to change her religion, and if she refuses, the situation may culminate in divorce.

    As for why Islam allows a Muslim man to marry a Christian or Jewish woman, it’s clear that every Muslim believes in Moses and Jesus (peace be upon them) and he holds all the Prophets of Allah in high esteem. Thus a Muslim finds no harm in his wife’s being a Christian or a Jew, for the spirit of tolerance Islam holds for other religions is ingrained in him. Recommend

  • http://theopinionista.com/ The Opinionista

    @geeko: Patriarchy by its very definition does not mean that male constructed rules only apply to women. Patriarchy is a social system which affects everyone. It is one where the male gender role acts as the primary authority figure central to social organisation (e.g. elder males, fathers, uncles, religious men etc). This is true of my parents’ context where the men and women automatically segregate themselves in most social situations and the men talk politics and bark at one another whilst the women talk about how pretty someone’s clothes are and the price of rice and a bag of onions.

    Tangent.

    I’m very aware of female misogyny which exists in Pakistani households (e.g. Saas-Bahu complex and related syndromes) which has been analysed by many as a way in which Pakistani women cope with their powerlessness in patriarchal systems e.g they scheme and conspire against other women since that is the only target that is weaker than them (due to age or whatever other factor).

    As for UK, indeed, many Pakistanis went to the UK for opportunities in blue collar jobs, however, my family are an exception. My father was and is an accountant and my mother has been in education for years. Their entire social circle consists of doctors, lawyers, pharmacists etc which just goes to show that class does not exempt anyone from narrowmindedness.Recommend

  • http://theopinionista.com/ The Opinionista

    So many hateful morons on this page making personal attacks because they can’t believe that they’ve never had an article published themselves.

    How about critiquing specific ideas instead of attacking the woman? Is it really that difficult? Jeez.

    As for equality in Islam? There is no equality between males and females in any religion, least of all Islam.

    Man is permitted 4 wives all at once and can marry converts. Women cannot have 4 husbands nor can they marry converts. Thus, thanks to this prescription, conservative Muslims will not consider Saira a Muslim, so why bother to try to please them?

    I say, who gives a flying fart? Recommend

  • izhar bokharee

    I think this is a geat idea. I have been married to my wife Lisa for the past 11 years and it has been wonderful. We have two great looking boys who at this time have no sense of color of skin let alone culture yet. I believe it is also good that more pakistani’s should marry outside of there race to clean the gene pool. Our culture if marrying first cousins is horrible and the intellecutal leve is dying. If you dont believe me read a science book……more power to interracial marriages….Recommend

  • KDP

    It is time now to convert him !!!Recommend

  • Adil

    Firstly, Good luck and I hope you have a good life. Secondly, I love how you went on and on about being so modern and liberal and how you don’t care about the world and all. But then you brought religion into it? Everything you wrote stops making sense the moment ‘WE’ read I wouldn’t marry him otherwise. Sigh. After reading this particular sentence, I think your article is a bad read. Recommend

  • Adnan Khan

    Most of the non-religious people on this thread are having a hard time, understanding, just why converting a Catholic-to-Muslim is important for her. I tried to explain in my post above, but the editor redacted it, which does not help to shed light on this very important point.
    .
    So I’ll try again. In Islam, there is a thing called Gunah-e-Jariya (Perpetual Sin). Children from inter-faith marriages who are raised in sin and embrace kufr, a proportions of their live’s sins are put into the account of their parents. The parents are going to be held responsible for the faith, or lack thereof, of their progeny. That’s in the Quran. Look it up.
    .
    That’s why inter-faith marriages are frowned upon, because there is a far greater incidence, for obvious reasons, for children to come out Unbelievers. More so, for Muslim women, because fathers (still today) play a larger role in determining how their children will be raised, including which faith is held in more regard at home. There is always the odd chance, a fluke, that one of the children on their own will gravitate towards Islam.
    .
    So if you are a Muslim, then you value your soul more than this temporary abode, and you will of course not want to incur gunah-e-jariya that will keep on multiplying till Doomsday. It’s as simple as that. Hope it clears any confusion.

    .
    .
    [Note To Editor: Somebody trying to explain Islam, is different from somebody inciting hatred, or whatever. Don't be afraid to incorporate religion, as a matter of policy.]Recommend

  • Who cares

    @Khurram Mansoor: then why dont you stop reading and commenting on the posts.Recommend

  • nadeem khan

    religion is man made….love isnt, skin color and language isnt..Recommend

  • let there be peace

    hope you don’t make him convert in name of love. its bad to spoil someone’s life and soul, especially of someone who selflessly loves you.Recommend

  • Nandita.

    I enjoyed reading the article. Till i reached the para where you wrote –

    he is a man who has no qualms converting to Islam because he knows I would never marry him otherwise.

    You went to say – However, what I have learned over the short span of my life is that our skin colours ultimately don’t matter.
    It’s commendable you realized that skin colours ultimately don’t matter.Let’s wait for the day when you will realize that RELIGION also does not matter.

    Your story reminds me of my sister actually.Her partner is American as well! They got married three years ago. But the similarity ends right there.He’s Catholic and she’s a Hindu.None of us has a clue about the religion their one year old daughter will follow and frankly we couldn’t care less.. The fact that she’s a happy,healthy child being brought up by wonderful parents in love is enough for us.

    All the best to you Saira !Recommend

  • Confused

    So, a Muslim woman can marry her first cousin, but not a non-Muslim?Recommend

  • from india

    why is he converting ? why not you ? whats the need of conversion by the way ? if race doesn’t matter then how come religion matters to u ? he learnt so many things for you but still you asked him to convert !! Recommend

  • http://- Abid P. Khan

    @ans to Abid:
    a Muslim woman is better suited to a Muslim man than a woman of Christian or Jewish faith,

    What is that esoteric quality which a Muslim woman posses which makes her more suited only for a Muslim?

    It is obvious that Islam made it impermissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim with aim of keeping her away from things that may jeopardize her faith.

    A Muslim woman must suffer imposition of restrictions, being so stupid that she cannot fend for her ideas!

    it’s not far-fetched for a non-Muslim husband to prevent his Muslim wife from performing some Islamic rituals which may seem a nuisance to him,

    According to your assumption being a woman, she is always subsurvient to man i.e. God has created her as an inferior being.

    As a result, he might force her to change her religion, and if she refuses, the situation may culminate in divorce.

    Is that the reason why number of divorces has increased exponentially in most of the societies of the world, Muslim countries included.

    it’s clear that every Muslim believes in Moses and Jesus (peace be upon them) and he holds all the Prophets of Allah in high esteem.

    Does “every Muslim” include Muslim women too?

    the spirit of tolerance Islam holds for other religions is ingrained in him.

    [9.5] So when the sacred months have passed away, then slay the idolaters wherever you find them, and take them captives and besiege them and lie in wait for them in every ambush, then if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, leave their way free to them; surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.

    Under which Sharia rule, Muslim do their holy duty of kidnapping a Hindu girl and then forcefully convert her. Is it necessary to recite la ikraah fiddiin?

    . Recommend

  • Avatar

    is this suppose to be news??Recommend

  • Noshi Asif

    Really weird all this automatic assumption that the catholic man has to convert. Why shouldnt it be equally assumed that the muslim girl will convert…..And yet it never crosses anyones mind….Muslims take a LOT for granted. Rather arrogant! Im sure catholics are as particular about their religion as muslims are…..!Recommend

  • MacEngineer

    Few more of such articles and Tribune will be off my reading list. Tribune needs to pick and choose smartly. Recommend

  • kaalchakra

    let there be peace

    For the nth time, nobody is FORCING anyone here. This is a freely implemented, mutually beneficial relationship between two consenting adults.

    Given that he wants to marry the lady, the gentleman has gladly, on his own accord, shown a willingness to convert. Although I don’t agree with brother C that all religions teach pretty much the same things about being good human beings – IF one holds that view, THEN conversion to Islam or anything else is no problem at all (as a sidenote: Hindus hold similar views, and more Hindus have become Muslims than any other people on earth).

    Nor is the lady doing the gentleman any disfavors. She is totally convinced that being a Muslim a good thing (possibly, even that it is the best thing). She could not imagine any harm in any man becoming a Muslim for her, or that she should be doing anything different.

    So BOTH parties come out ahead in this relationship. To him, what’s most important is the marriage. To her, the most important thing is Islam. By working together, both get what they want. Why on earth should anyone feel any discomfort here?!Recommend

  • a 54321

    @Abid P. Khan:
    LOL… muslim women have 100% equal rights. islam believes that men and women are 100% equal, bu tnot necessarily the same. the onyl reason there is a rule against muslim women marrying nonmuslim men is because that would mean that the children would be more inclined to follow the fathers religion ie not islam.Recommend

  • sad

    dear writer islam is not about converting someone. it is ACCEPTING ALLAH WHOLE HEARTEDLY. SO IF YOU REALLY LOVE HIM AND HE LOVES YOU GO MARRY HIM. NO NEED TO TELL US. otherwise it was nicely written:) Recommend

  • Ayesha

    It’s sounds worst than the boring movie I recently saw ‘New Year’s Eve’ or like a desperate someone thinking out loud – ‘here’s what I really really want’.Recommend

  • Vikram

    Author says “However, what I have learned over the short span of my life is that our skin colours ultimately don’t matter.” and …. wrote a blog I am a Pakistani marrying a Gora? Just wondering if you ever been friends with a Kala, African American. Recommend

  • Optimist

    Big deal!!
    .
    Can’t give you medal for this!Recommend

  • cnomaan

    pakistani’s who marry gora’s are hellbent on marrying gora’s. They don’t stumble into it as they lead you to believe, it’s a conscious effort because they think gora’s are the superior race, hence the public announcement on ET. The disapproving comments will only make the author happier…here’s 1 more!

    ps, don’t know why I even wrote this, my comments never get published.Recommend

  • Nobody

    @Adnan Khan:
    I agree upon all points except the one you made about fathers playing a larger role in how children are raised as far as religious upbringing. It’s possible this is true in Pakistan and similar places where patriarchy is still common, but I can tell you it’s quite the opposite here in the states. Majority of interracial marriages I’ve seen (and non interracial as well), the mother generally has more say and influence in how the child will be brought up, religious or not. That’s why many cases I’ve come across in which the mother is a Muslim and the father is not, the children lean more towards Islam. There are exceptions of course, but I’m just speaking from my own experience.
    Once again, not to dismiss what you’re saying, fathers may very well have more influence in a child’s religious upbringing in certain parts of the world, but the opposite also holds true. Cheers. Recommend

  • Nobody

    @ans to Abid:
    Possibly one of the most sexist comments I’ve read in a while. According to you, women are nothing but subservient brainless idealess voiceless morons who can be easily influenced by any man, and would simply let go of their personal ideas/beliefs because a man told them too. I’m sorry, but as a Muslim woman I completely disagree. My religion is MINE, and no one else can tell me how to go about it or influence my views about it, not even my future husband, whoever he may be. His religion will be his business, mine will be mine. And as far as future children would be concerned, we’d have equal say. Plain and simple. Recommend