Stories published in April, 2010

Eyewash, hogwash, brainwash

Obsessive, manic, crazed, nutty, deranged, louche — writers have worked hard to cultivate a reputation for themselves. And most people expect of them pretty much what they do of all other kinds of freaks: visions, pipe dreams, fantasies and yes — deep, deep thoughts. Writers even tend to agree with this view of themselves. Consider Mr William Faulkner’s thoughts on the subject. “An artist is a creature driven by demons. He don’t know why they choose him and he’s usually too busy to wonder why.” Readers utterly love this kind of thing. After my last column, some readers wrote to me advising me ...

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The ‘boiizz’ are back in town

Before you start on your own sappy version of that fateful Wednesday, know that there are no greater patriots in the world than a bunch of A-level students. Nothing you say, not even worn-out stories of how you wept for the team, or how you’re actually related to Shahid Afridi, will compare to what we did for the Pakistan cricket team. We messed up our chemistry practical, that’s what we did. And sociology, and history, and math and anything else we should have been studying in those nine hours. We were glued to our screens and busy painting our faces, forgetting ...

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